T
The Nuder
Enthusiast
Silver Level
Anger is something we do and we can do it in different ways. How you deal with it depends on how you're doing it.
There's little point in advising someone to "deal with it because if you don't it owns you" - you may as well advise them to levitate.
States are like filters through which we experience the world. Once you're in the state it's too late it's already shaping your experience.
Some unresourceful states build up slowly over time and you only notice when you're neck deep - too late. Some states are lightening fast like a switch being thrown. Once it's thrown it's too late.
If you experience a flash of anger it's likely that there's an external trigger - something you see, hear or feel that triggers the state - or triggers an internal experience (eg. something you say to yourself or visualise) that triggers the state.
So I would say if it takes 3 bad beats before you rage you have plenty of scope to deal with it before the switch flips. You're probably building the issue up to a tipping point.
Nothing comes with meaning built in - we have to create that ourselves - or accept what others dish up. You have to change the meaning of a bad beat. Yes it's crap but what else does it also mean that isn't crap. This is personal and depends on what / who you're angry at - is it your opponent, yourself, some other aspect of life etc. That's the meaning side you can work on.
But far easier is to work directly on the state before it happens. All states have characteristic physiologies. Angry tends to have tightness in certain muscle groups - it wont be the same for everyone. but everyone experiences differences in breathing when their states change.
If you start to review what you're actually feeling in your body when you're angry you'll get more sensitive to the onset of state changes. This makes it easier to take timely action.
The action to take is to change your physiology - think body posture, facial expression, muscle tensions etc. And relax your breathing - make sure you are breathing in your belly not your chest. Make sure the breathing has rhythm.
If you really want to help yourself look into some breathing exercises from something like yoga. I have a specific breath I can use to cut a state off. It's basically a full exhale and hold for as long as it takes just before I get uncomfortable than start breathing again but manage depth and rhythm.
The other thing you can do is investigate what your physiology and breathin is like when you're in a nice resourceful state and start to consciously adopt that when the bad beats start. You can directly alter your experience in this way.
It takes practice and patience but the ability to manage your state and make conscious choices about how to respond to the environment is what seperates you from your pet dog or goldfish. (if you have one).
There's little point in advising someone to "deal with it because if you don't it owns you" - you may as well advise them to levitate.
States are like filters through which we experience the world. Once you're in the state it's too late it's already shaping your experience.
Some unresourceful states build up slowly over time and you only notice when you're neck deep - too late. Some states are lightening fast like a switch being thrown. Once it's thrown it's too late.
If you experience a flash of anger it's likely that there's an external trigger - something you see, hear or feel that triggers the state - or triggers an internal experience (eg. something you say to yourself or visualise) that triggers the state.
So I would say if it takes 3 bad beats before you rage you have plenty of scope to deal with it before the switch flips. You're probably building the issue up to a tipping point.
Nothing comes with meaning built in - we have to create that ourselves - or accept what others dish up. You have to change the meaning of a bad beat. Yes it's crap but what else does it also mean that isn't crap. This is personal and depends on what / who you're angry at - is it your opponent, yourself, some other aspect of life etc. That's the meaning side you can work on.
But far easier is to work directly on the state before it happens. All states have characteristic physiologies. Angry tends to have tightness in certain muscle groups - it wont be the same for everyone. but everyone experiences differences in breathing when their states change.
If you start to review what you're actually feeling in your body when you're angry you'll get more sensitive to the onset of state changes. This makes it easier to take timely action.
The action to take is to change your physiology - think body posture, facial expression, muscle tensions etc. And relax your breathing - make sure you are breathing in your belly not your chest. Make sure the breathing has rhythm.
If you really want to help yourself look into some breathing exercises from something like yoga. I have a specific breath I can use to cut a state off. It's basically a full exhale and hold for as long as it takes just before I get uncomfortable than start breathing again but manage depth and rhythm.
The other thing you can do is investigate what your physiology and breathin is like when you're in a nice resourceful state and start to consciously adopt that when the bad beats start. You can directly alter your experience in this way.
It takes practice and patience but the ability to manage your state and make conscious choices about how to respond to the environment is what seperates you from your pet dog or goldfish. (if you have one).
........scorp
