Haters gonna hate man. Have to take the good with the bad and keep it moving.
You need to somehow change your perception of poker. When I took a look at look at" Chiren80"'s graph for 2NL it really put things in perspective for me.
He'd play 30k
hands a day and would occasionally only be up 6 buy-ins. On poker tracker they logged one of his sessions as a 26k hand session, and he was actually down .4 buy in's at the time (He actually completed a 30k hand session that day as his chart illustrates and never had a losing sessions once he completed the 30k hands. You know how PTR can be). Talk about variance.
He'd stick to his gun's though and in the end he hand plenty of 20,30,40 and even 70 buy-in days. The trick is volume. I finally understand that now. It's how I won when I was winning. Volume also keeps you occupied, so the temptation to stray from your plan is null.
On a side note this is why play money is valuable. You need to practice what you're worst at in the game. For you it's moving up to quickly and BRM. I'm sure your hand selection widened as well. If you end up staying the course to 20 million chips in a timely fashion before you sell them then you will have proven to yourself that you are capable of overcoming this mental block you have. Read that long ass post I first made in this thread. pay attention to the part that addresses you breaking the cycle. That's the only way to make progress or else it's more of the same.
I'm ranting, but don't kick yourself and stay down. Get back on the horse. We all know Ivey himself had to sleep under the boardwalk a few nights before he started winning. He's not a degenerate anymore. Keep trucking.