10 Tips on How to Become a Pro Donk

Chris_TC

Chris_TC

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Hello everybody,

I have developed a simple set of rules to follow, so you can play like a Professional Donk. Yes, that's right, if you follow these rules you are guaranteed to become a Pro Donk.

Start now, and I can assure you that you will not regret it. This advice is absolutely free, so take it and crush your opponents at the table with your newly found knowledge.

Let's begin:
Rule 1)
Play every suited hand. Try to limp, but if somebody opens the pot, call. Suited hands are insanely strong.
Also play every ace. The concept is the same, aces are very strong as well.
A suited ace of course means: insta-limp-call.

Rule 2)
If you're playing a suited hand as required by Rule 1 and you flop a flush draw, make sure to see both a turn card and a river card. Your odds of making a flush, thus crushing your opponent, are huge. Don't be afraid to call big bets even if it's for your entire stack.

Rule 3)
As long as the big blind is small (less than 12x your stack), make sure to see as many flops as possible. If you're holding at least one picture card, you're good to go.

Rule 4)
If you get dealt a strong hand, such as KK or AA you should not bet it. Limp in order to trap your opponents. Ideally you want to play these hands against as many players as possible so you can take down a huge pot. Make sure to check the flop, we don't want to chase anybody away that early.

Rule 5)
If you get dealt AK you should raise it up with a smile. You're holding the most powerful hand in No Limit Hold'em. If there's one or more re-raises behind you, insta-push all-in.

Rule 6)
If you make any kind of hand on the flop (bottom pair, gutshot straight draw etc.) you have to call your opponent's bets. You definitely want to get to the river with these hands.
With bottom or middle pair you also want to show them down.
If you had something like a gutshot draw, you need to push all-in on the river, both if you missed and if you made it. Your opponent will fold to this big bet whenever you're bluffing and call whenever you made your hand.

Rule 7)
Never be afraid of the all-in move. It's the most powerful move in no limit hold'em, and you should make use of it very frequently. You will be amazed at how many pots you can take down on the flop holding 6 high if you just overbet the pot 15-fold.
Also use the all-in move if you make a really strong hand, such as a full house. After all, you want to take down as big a pot as possible, so all-in is the only correct move in these situations.

Rule 8)
Following up from Rule 7. All-in is in fact the correct move in a ton of situations.
Whenever you're not sure what to do (did that turn card help my opponent?) or you're in doubt (is my hand better than my opponent's hand?): push all-in. It takes any further decision-making away and puts pressure on your opponent.

Rule 9)
You may have heard the term "kicker" on some fancy poker TV show and never bothered to look up what it means. Let me tell you: you didn't miss anything, kickers are way overrated.
If you're holding A4 and the flop comes Ace high then this is definitely a strong enough hand to call your opponents to the river with and show it down. As always, don't be afraid to call for your entire stack if that's what it takes.

Rule 10)
As dictated by Rule 7, you need to push all-in if you have a strong hand. Let's say you flop a full house, the pot is 300 chips, you're up against two players, and your stack is 2400. This is an easy all-in.
If, on the other hand, you didn't make a strong hand and you're trying to bluff your opponents, you should bet very little. This is important because you don't want to risk a lot of chips on a bluff.
Going back to the example pot of 300 chips, you should bet maybe 50 chips if you're trying to bluff your opponents out of this pot. In case you get called by your opponents, fire a second bullet and bet 50 chips once more on the turn. If you get called again, you may want to fire a third bullet and bet 50 chips once more, but at this point things are becoming expensive, so you may have to let it go. Alternatively, you can push the river all-in.


I very much hope this helps improve your game. See you at the tables!
 
Q

quads

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I thought it was great. Right up there with the Hitler video. It's a good thing to understand what your up against.
 
smd173

smd173

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You left out the Rule about having only backdoor draws on the flop, calling and hitting runner runner.
 
jaymfc

jaymfc

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nice post ,it really does show you have a good understanding of the game . but it must be really getting to you . we need players like this in order to make money dont we ? would we do much better against the real pros ?

thanks for the advice but I'm already a pro donk , I've been playing this style from my very first day. :rolleyes:
 
Monoxide

Monoxide

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yeah I dunno why people dont like the donks they me make $$ :D
 
roundcat

roundcat

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Classic. :adore:

Don't forget to call other players at your table donkeys and ridicule them when you win.
:hahaha: :bootyshak

Also complain bitterly and leave the table in a huff when an opponent holding some overrated hand like KK beats your A4 and busts you.
:mad:
 
Chris_TC

Chris_TC

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man u r bitter

but it must be really getting to you . we need players like this in order to make money dont we ?

yeah I dunno why people dont like the donks they me make $$ :D

Wow guys, I feel pretty misunderstood here. I'm not bitter, I love my donks. That's why I want people to read this thread and take my advice to heart :D

Seriously, the thread was meant to serve as a bit of sarcastic entertainment, certainly not a rant in disguise :)
 
jaymfc

jaymfc

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lol ,thanks Chris , it was funny as heck , I mean it was so detailed it took awhile to put into words, exactly how so many people play. very glad to hear it's not starting to get to you , it certainly can if you let it.
 
Jagsti

Jagsti

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Absolute class.... DOnt forget the rule to call an Arrriiinnn for your entire stack on the flop so you can surprise your villain with the old backdoor draw. You will be amazed how this move will improve your win rate!
 
O

ocbengtson

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I think they are reading your list, I played at the same table for 2 hours with a guy who followed every rule to the tee today.
 
XXIII

XXIII

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Very Nice list.

I am guessing its for Cash games and not SnGs.

Then you'd have to add:

Make sure you go all in preflop 1st hand. That way when ya hit your stack is much bigger then everyone else's and they are now going to play catch up.
 
USFDoh

USFDoh

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If you are the BB in the first hand of a SnG, push with any two cards if there are at least 2 callers.


Loved the list, posted it next to my machine so that I can always play proper.
 
mrrigel

mrrigel

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Hilarious....great post. You left out the almighty number one rule.....pot odds are the most improtant thing in the game, even more important then the cards you and your opponents hold. Never mind reality, pot odds are everything.
 
B

bhanacik

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I will highlight my favorite one's and tack it up right next to my monitor so that I will be killing you all shortly.
 
isaac

isaac

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lol nice, that shows that you really know what your talkign about to be able to make something like that
 
Ceaser Lucci

Ceaser Lucci

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I printed several copies, and mailed them out to my favorite friends. Great advice man. Im actually getting one enlarged to put on my wall next to my enlarged (and very similar) poster entitled: Becoming a fish...10 easy steps.

lol. nicewon
 
B

Bay101guy

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You truely understand my play. I have not laughed so hard in weeks. Thanks
 
Wild Rivers

Wild Rivers

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Here's another one: Be sure to call a big preflop raise once in awhile with something like J/6 offsuit. You can really kill 'em if the flop comes J/6/x or happens to make you a set.
 
Chris_TC

Chris_TC

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Thanks guys, glad you like it.

Maybe I'll follow this up with a video at some point where I play according to these rules and explain the, uhhh, thought process :D
 
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