Poker Poems by Johnny Too Bad

J

Johnny Too Bad

Rising Star
Silver Level
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Total posts
18
Chips
0
Oma-huh?

The moment I walked in the room, I found a seat to play.
Then and there I knew it was to be my lucky day.
My favorite table, favorite seat, my favorite dealer Joe.
It used to be my favorite game... Omaha Hi Lo

I settled in, I knew that I would be there for a while
I opened blind to let them know aggression was my style.
The first few hands, the flops were high, with no chance for a split,
I never play beyond the flop without the best of it.

Then, as I wondered, "What would be the first hand I could play?"
I looked down at two clubs, Ace/Deuce and two hearts, King and Trey.
I thought, "Thats why I love this game." and fired off a raise.
"I hope that no one drops out, I hope everybody plays"

The limpers called, I knew they would, they hadn't had enough.
The Flop came 3-4-5 of clubs. For them, this would be rough.
I'd flopped the Nut-Lo and I had the second best for Hi.
So, when the betting started now my limit was the sky.

The field had narrowed down to three, myself and these two sods.
I raised them and they raised me back, they thought they had the odds.
The Turn card didn't make a dent, a bricky nine of spades.
We left the third man on this street, he stopped to wipe his shades.

We raised each other back and forth and forth and back non-stop.
With just the two of us remaining , now there was no cap.
He tossed his last chips in the pot and I was left with none
I'd wished we both had bigger stacks before we had begun.

The River didn't mean a thing, the flop had made our hands.
I showed my Nut-Lo straight flush and I did a little dance.
He showed his Seven/Six of clubs and let out such a laugh.
It was a total letdown, seeing I would win just half.

I watched in dumbstruck silence, couldn't think of what to say.
The dealer mucked my hand and pushed the pot the other way.
I cried out "Dealer, split the pot! The lo-ball hand is mine!"
He said "This isn't Hi-Lo sir...Did you not read the sign?"
__________________
JTB
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

Rising Star
Silver Level
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Total posts
18
Chips
0
JK. from Wollongong
(Apologies to Banjo Paterson)

It was JK. from Wollongong, who caught the Hold’em craze,
He gave up the Manila game, he’d milked so many days,
He said, "The short deck game is dead, and I’m too old for sex”
He went to town to buy himself some fifty-two card decks.

He looked around the shop a awhile, he had some time to spare,
The scent of plastic playing cards hung lightly in the air.
As he was thinking “Should I buy the Kem or the Fournier?”
The teen aged shop assistant asked, “Excuse me, do you play?”

“See here, Young Gun,” said ol’ JK, “from Perth to Tasmans’ Sea,
From Darwin down to Hobart Town, there’s none can play like me,
I’m good all ‘round, at every game, it's known from coast to coast
But, I'm not one to make that claim, I'm not the kind to boast"

“There is no game that you can name, on tables made of felt,
At which I will not reign supreme, once all the cards are dealt,
So mark my words, you cocky lad, as night will follow day,
If you would like to tag along, I’ll show you how to play.”

JK dressed up in Hold’em gear, dark glasses and a hood,
He thought “I’ll act the ‘mug’ awhile, then fit them up, real good”
He strode up to the card room with his bankroll and a smile.
He pondered the ’No Limit’ game for just a little while.

It was JK from Wollongong, who found a seat to play,
Of Young Guns less than half his age, he thought “you’ll rue this day,”
He looked around the table thinking, “I should piss this in.”
He counted all their stacks to see just how much he would win.

It was JK from Wollongong, who peered down at Big Slick,
And then he knew his time had come, to show these boys a trick.
But, when the flop came Ace, King, Nine, he thought “ I’ll play this cool,
I’ll lure these bunnies to my trap, then send them back to school.”

The turn produced another King, JK thought “Oh My Lord,
They won’t come with me if I bet, not looking at this board.
I’ll check for now, and if one bets, I'll raise him back all in,"
When one lad bet, another called, JK concealed his grin.

It was JK from Wollongong, who saw the river Nine.
“If they made a full house with that, It’s not as big as mine,”
He pushed all in, the two lads called, they both were all in too.
He showed his cards, reached for the pot, it seemed the thing to do.

The first boy cried out, “ Not so fast! I slow played pocket Aces”
JK looked up, bewildered by the smirks on all their faces.
The next boy gallantly announced, “I think the pot is mine! “,
He opened up his hand to show ‘The Gretzky’ Ninety-Nine.

It was JK from Wollongong, who left the table slow.
He said "I can't recall a time I've ever felt so low".
A day or two is all it takes to overcome the pain,
As every poker player knows. He'll live to play again.

JTB
 
Jblocher1

Jblocher1

Legend
Silver Level
Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Total posts
2,645
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Ok so I'm kinda loving this thread lol. Please keep posting these quite entertaining
 
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