Ashamed to Play Poker?

[nabmom]

I guess I am frustrated with dating. I'm almost 26 and kind of figured by now I would have found that special person. I get stereotyped for not being husband material. I live a little bit on the wild side. I'm just as hesitant to tell a girl I smoke cigarettes.

Well, she'll know you smoke as soon as she meets you (impossible to hide the smell of smoking).

I don't want to sound like I'm being condescending, because I'm really, really not. But there are no rules about life. No magic age (26 is still young to me but if all your friends are involved in relationships and you're not--it feels bad), no magic rule about what "husband material" is. Some girls like the wild side!

I think often special people come along when you least expect them. If you have respect for the people you're with and are genuinely interested in what is happening in the life of the person you're with--special will come along. To be blunt, if you aren't a selfish ass and know how to treat people well, then be yourself. Aren't there any women in their 20s playing poker?

OK, slowly backing away from mother mode.

 

[fletchdad]

I guess I am frustrated with dating. 1***I'm almost 26 and kind of figured by now I would have found that special person. 2**I get stereotyped for not being husband material. 3***I live a little bit on the wild side. 4***I'm just as hesitant to tell a girl I smoke cigarettes.

OK, just my 2 cents.

1.*** So? 26? Man, live it up. If you happen to find a woman you want to give up point #3 for, fine. Thinking you can force it will not help. It will come when it comes, and you can speed date all you want, but you will not be more or less ready just cause you think you should be. I found that "special person" 4 times already, and she became not so special after all. Except for the one I met when I was 36. I am 52 and we are still making it together, and, believe me, there is effort involved. The magical made-in-heaven- relationship ONLY happens in movies, sit coms and daily soaps, believe me. The real worl relationships are a day to day effort to keep. It doesent mean its not worth the effort, just saying that there MUST be effort if it is to last.

2.*** **** that. Stereotyped from who? Why does that matter to you? And maybe you are NOT yet "husband material". Its YOUR decision, and - seriously - **** what other people think. (Thats the point of this whole thread anyway isnt it?)


3*** If you do and want to, and you can believe that Iknow what living on the wild side means, and I did it a long time and LOVED it and had I not lived like this as long as I wanted to and tried to become "domesticated" before I WAS READY TO, it would never have worked. I was in relationships when I really wanted to live wild (I am a musician, and the stereotype musician who drinks, does drugs and gets the girls IS true lol) and me not wanting to be in relationships but trying to anyway was just an ongoing drug-alcohol-infested orgy that it was going to be anyway with the unpleasent side effect of me being basically not happy and my girl friend wanting to kill me. Why do that to your self and someone else? I finally just accepted how I was living and anyone willing to accept it could go along for the ride if they wanted to, but in the end I was totally honest about who I was and how I lived and my life was much simpler and more enjoyable, albeit maybe not so wholesome and healthy.

4. *** See my original answer. If you do, you do. Not saying from the get go means unnecessary stress later, if she is looking for a non smoker. Imagine she wants to date a black man. Judging from your avatar, you are white. You think you can hide that for long? I am a non smoker and, believe me, she will know that you smoke, and quickly. If you say you dont, your first building block is based on a lie, how is that supposed to wok out? IMO your attitude should be "I smoke. You dont like that? Then lets not waste each others time".

 

[hassan200100]

I think it is better not to mention that you play poker. People don´t really understand, that poker is not gambling. It is investing ! But they will always think it´s addictive, it´s about cheating and maybe with guns at the table ;-)
In my experience its an absolute no go in dating with girls, they want guys with "normal" jobs, poker is a "crazy" thing for them ! But i love poker and it´s almost a science for me !

 

[fletchdad]

No.

In fact if someone asked me what is your ultimate goal in life I would say:

Check-raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off of them. Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over. Playing all-night, high-limit hold'em at the Taj, where the sand turns to gold."

and if someone asked me what would I do with my money I would point to this:

amen

 

[forsakenone]

my girlfriend is really hoping i go broke at poker, she hates me play it. once, like 1 and a half year ago when she came at my place i was still in a MTT and i made her stay and watch me play, boy was that wrong because she didn't say anything that day, but she remembers it and she will point it out every time a little argument pops out like it matters to the argue

however, before i was playing poker i was playing world of warcraft, she hated that one too, so i gave up, started playing poker and now she hates this. i told her once i am going to go to the casino and she said she would break up with me if i ever went to a casino, i went anyway, she didn't break up with me

starting to look like whatever i do, besides giving her my full attention is not good ohhh these girls.

however, i am not ashamed to tell anyone that i play poker, and i play backgammon for money too, if they go like "why you playing a luck based game?" i go like: sit down, take my money and prove it it's a luck game or shut the hell up, no one did so far

 

[alaskabill]

I am very lucky in that my wife is completely supportive of my playing online poker. She likes the fact that I am spending the time at home, even if it is in front of the laptop. She believes that I can ultimately turn poker into a second source of income.

My total investment in poker since I started playing again has been two deposits of twenty dollars each (the last one over a year ago) some books and my Deuces cracked subscription. If you look at it as a hobby that's a cheap hobby. If you look at it as a potential side business thats a pretty small capital investment so the lady of my life is good with it.

As for my friends, most of them are more or less libertarians and believe grown ups should be able to do as they please with their money. Also, in my circle I'm kind of known as the resident games geek (chess, GO, backgammon etc) so poker doesn't shock them.

I will say that I don't go out of my way to bring it up at work. I have a management postion at a local business and I will admit that I don't want them to get the wrong idea about anything. I don't think that makes me ashamed just cautious. Besides, its not really my employer's business what I do in my off time.

 

[chuG]

I dont play that much so nobody has any real issue with but my brother can take it too far. He smokes loads of ganja and used to getntoo passionate about it, bad beats and suck outs used to make him explode. Fortunatley hes matured but in the heyday we were having fistfights because he took it too far.

 

[bredstik]

Well, I have a full time job, a wife, and 3 young kids. I love online poker and play when I can. If I was single or retired I would probably play a LOT more than I do. Instead, I fit select games in where I can. You see things differently through your kids' eyes though. When my son came home from school and said that when the teacher asked the class what their Dads do when they get home from work, and he told them that I "go straight to the basement and play poker on the computer all night," I cut way back on my playing.

 

[Theblueduce]

You are what you are.....If you feel uncomfortable telling people you play poker on-line then don't. If you can not make an argument for it to others in a casual conversation then you probably should not even bring it up.

 

[nabmom]

You see things differently through your kids' eyes though. When my son came home from school and said that when the teacher asked the class what their Dads do when they get home from work, and he told them that I "go straight to the basement and play poker on the computer all night," I cut way back on my playing.

I'm banned from playing tournies during dinner (yes, I've brought the laptop to the dinner table--not a move I recommend for peace in the family). My daughter said she refused to eat with me if I was playing poker at the same time. Clearly reminded me that I had to pay way more attention to balancing family time with poker time.

 

[Tangerine 53]

I will say that I don't go out of my way to bring it up at work. I have a management postion at a local business and I will admit that I don't want them to get the wrong idea about anything. I don't think that makes me ashamed just cautious. Besides, its not really my employer's business what I do in my off time.

Agreed. I'm a Company Director and so I'm reticent to say to my other Directors that I play online poker precisely because of the wrong connotations. It's not something that I'm ashamed of but I don't go around advertising the fact either. I actually believe that playing online poker has made me better at my job in knowing when and how to take risks and taking +EV decisions.

 

[Egon Towst]

I have probably played enough to make a reasonable guess that in order to really make money playing poker (that means consistent profit over a very large sample) you have to a) be a very smart player (that includes being a smart gambler), b) play higher stakes, c) play alot of hands and d) have a good size bankroll.

(My guess is that there are relatively very, very few that pull this off)

Your comments are broadly correct, imo, but people who make useful money from poker really do exist. There is a solid bunch of them right here at CC. It`s perfectly possible to reach that level with a little talent and a lot of commitment.

 

[Poker Orifice]

Great shared wisdom/experience shared by Fletchdad in this thread.

For myself, how do I feel about telling folks I play poker?

F__k 'em. I don't care what they think.

I don't play today to 'make money'... (although I make a bit), I play cuz I'm addicted to the game & enjoy the mental aspects of it (ie. 'game theory', psychological combined with math... makes for a great game!).

Some understand the game a bit & with them I will share more. Most don't.. & with them my sharing will be limited (but not for feeling shame).

Also, yes I sit in front of my puter for many, many hours.... sometimes when I probably should be doing other stuff (it takes time to watch 500 hrs. of training vids, lol... to read 50+ poker books.. some of them 4 & 5x over.. yes it's extreme).. BUT.. I don't eat cheetohs while on puter (I will often prepare meals/sandwiches, etc. in advance).. one needs decent nutrition while playing.. even if ur not getting proper exercise (although for sure I play better when my life is in balance & am getting exercise, etc.)

OP, you made a refernce to a Phil Helmuth remark... which I thought was cool. Maybe you could apply this to yourself in comments made in posts after this (ie. "I don't feel I am husband material"... You will be... if....).

As Fletchdad suggested (in diff. terms).. be yourself when meeting someone (if interested in actually attempting a relationship). The real 'you' will come out sooner or later.. might as well lay it on the line right from the get go. 'Most' people respect & are attracted to those who can share openly & honestly. Either that or tell them you're an online chess tournament player... & you play in tournaments where you can win money (< lol).

PS... don't date a poker player.... & don't teach them how to play the game!

 

[CistaCista]

Not ashamed. But it is really difficult to explain to parents etc. that you cannot loose money playing poker if you don't deosit money... I have stopped telling my parents about my advancements because the only answer I get is "oh I really hope you don't build up debt all of a sudden"

 

[Venom246]

Im never ashamed to say i play this game, but when i talk to older people i mean older then 50 mostly, they tend to think that im addicted to poker and cant control my money. And nobody believes that you actually can earn cash playing..They just laugh at it

 

[scottieb668]

wow... there are some amazing responses.... but all in all is up to the each of us to make poker what it is for us.... and yes there is always the gambling thrill... even when you are ahead where someone only has a 2 outer with 2 cards to come it happens...... some times it's just luck....

 

[Martin]

Never ever even thought about being ashamed to tell people I play poker, at the minute I use it as a form of entertainment, especially as I have no BR anywhere & not depositing at the minute. When I tell people I play online they normally say something like I would love to do that but wouldn't know when to start. That's when I offer to play them heads up just so they can learn the game....honestly

Then they normally tell me they don't know how to switch on a computer, suppose that's understandable most of the people round here still point at planes

 

[Leo 50]

I have no problem telling people I play poker.

I have made new friends through work and social situations discussing poker.

The people I work with know I play (both online and live) and will sometimes ask about it on a Monday.

My family and my girlfriend are very supportive, my daughters want to know what presents
I am buying them with my winnings,
and actually my girlfriend has started asking this as well.

I don't make a living at poker but it has provided me with additional spending money over the years (mostly from live games)

 

[Poker Orifice]

Poker a secondary form of income for "most" of us?

I highly doubt that.

Much more accurate to say poker is another expense in the monthly
budget for most of us.

I'd hardly be ashamed if my hours sitting in front of a computer
playing online poker was a significant form of income. However you
choose to pay the bills is ok with me.

Would I be embarrassed to admit I sit for hours and swap dollars in $1 SNG's when I could be doing something productive?

Yep.

It's a stupid waste of time that is borne of the thrill of the gamble. Nothing more.

It's pretty much what you make it imo. Many people can actually make money while playing. It depends on how much work they're willing to put into it imo. You do the work it will pay off.

 

[camtheram13]

Thanks for all the replies CC!

I think I did put my foot in my mouth with that Hellmuth quote. You are what you think. I'm an adult and if people don't like it, oh well.

I think I am slowly learning that life has no rules or guidelines. I have a lot of successful friends who would probably thumb their nose at my poker playing but f*** them and I shouldn't compare success.

 

[ThunderPT]

No, I'm never be ashamed of playing poker. If I play, that's because I don't believe there's anything wrong with it, if I did I just wouldn't play...

As for telling other people, I have a very extreme attitude towards this. I ALWAYS tell the truth no matter what. I'm probably the only guy in the world who, after coming home for Christmas in their 20s after a few months in the netherlands (where, as you probably know, soft drugs are legal) had my conservative mom ask "So... did you... errr... try anything there?", answered as naturally as if I was telling what I had for lunch: "Yes, smoked a lot of weed and hash, tried some space cakes once too." It would be so easy to lie, like all the other exchange students in the Netherlands did to their parents, but I didn't. Why? Because I don't think I did anything wrong, so lying would be basically against my believes. Lying would be admitting I did something wrong, and I'd lose the right to stand up for it. This is how I see it. What happened was that my parents are now much more informed about the subject and now they, themselves, don't think I did something wrong.

Same thing with poker or anything else about my life. If anyone has a problem with it, that's their problem, not mine.

As for the dating aspect, what's your real concern? That she'll have a strong position against online poker thus making her lose any interest in you? If she's like that, why would YOU be interested in her? You're incompatible, move on!
However, if it's because you just think it'll sound uncool, like I think it's your problem, you're the one making it uncool. You can make anything, no matter what, sound cool and interesting if you talk about it with excitement. You have to own it, be proud of it and talk about what about poker makes you like it so much. There are guys who keep girls interested talking about video games and firefighters who can't be interesting to save their lives.

 

[belerophon]

I felt I should chime in here on two or three things.

1. About the whole dating thing. It sounds like a lame cliche but you really need to learn to enjoy being by yourself.
I spent much of my twenties and thirties not dating much at all.
In my twenties I thought it was my nihilistic personality combined with other outside factors preventing me from finding someone.
In my thirties I came around to accepting who I was and had a blast without worrying about finding someone special. I recommend this option.

2. I'm never ashamed about playing poker but I always include the fact that I play very small stakes and my entire bankroll (small tho it may be) was generated without a deposit.
Funnily enough people I know often try to get me to gamble on things because they presume I enjoy gambling. They find it odd when I say I don't gamble.

I meet with very few people who see it as a negative thing.

3.Finally, if your playing a lot of online poker, I would encourage you to try and pick up a more social hobby, not in place of poker, but to complement it. You need to continue developing those social interaction skills for when you meet someone you really dig and don't want to !@#* it up.

 

[flytyerjsb]

My wife and I have a great thing going - I play poker and she watches tv. She takes the dogs out unless I am on break and then I do. She brings me something to drink and eat if needed.

I have no problem telling people about playing online. It is probably more productive than what some of the others do on the computer. I have even gotten several people interested in online poker and have given them some help with getting on the sites, going to poker school etc so I feel good about that.

There are some that no matter what are going to condeme you for playing poker (Gambling - my god you are going to hell) etc, etc. Some others think it is a waste of money. Weel, it is my money, I worked for it and will do with it as I please.

If others do not like what I do then they need to go away or at least not complain about what I do.

Waste of time - I think not. I like the competition.

 

[fx20736]

My wife and I have a great thing going - I play poker and she watches tv

My wife is constantly on facebook, playing Farmville and I am constantly on Full Tilt playing Poker. I get up at 4AM, feed the cats, make the coffee and start playing Poker. She comes down at 5AM,pours the coffee and gets on facebook. In the evenings after the kids are upstairs I put on a ball game and we both do our thing until bedtime. She doesn't mind me playing online poker but she used to absolutely flip out if I went and played live somewhere. As long as I am at home she's happy. Hell. I can even look at porn with her in the chair next to me if the kids are asleep. Sometimes I'll find a picture or video that I just have to share....

Anyway, I don't care what anybody thinks. My best friend is a poker player, although he is hideously bad, an action junkie who likes to deposit $ 100 on Full Tilt and sit down with all of it on 100NL or PLO and he'll blow through deposit after deposit that way. He used to do the same at local home games or the casino. He once called me from Turning Stone to say he blew his entire $ 1400 check at the Hold'em tables and had no money for the next two weeks.

Now, if I was a stock broker or salesman or telemarketer or collections agent or Politician or the Assistant Night Manager at Taco Bell or the Under Assistant West Coast Promotion Man or Sara Palin supporter or listened to Rush Limbaugh or watched Glenn Beck or gave all my money to some Mega-church or played kid's video games or was a fan of Ohio State Football or had a mullet or preferred the taste of Diet Coke over Diet Pepsi or didn't think Sara Jessica Parker was the butt-dog ugliest actress to ever be in a show with the word Sex in it or watched Dancing with The Stars or American Idol or liked the taste of Papa John's pizza or was afraid to eat spicy food or liked flat chested women or liked NASCAR or thought the Kentucky Derby was a great event and who didn't want to reach into the TV and bash in the brains of all those obscene rich white women with their stupid hats or thought the War in Iraq was the worth it I'd be ashamed to tell anyone and would hide in the dark until I got some therapy.

Poker is fine by me.

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[alaskabill]

Now, if I was a stock broker or salesman or telemarketer or collections agent or Politician or the Assistant Night Manager at Taco Bell or the Under Assistant West Coast Promotion Man or Sara Palin supporter or listened to Rush Limbaugh or watched Glenn Beck or gave all my money to some Mega-church or played kid's video games or was a fan of Ohio State Football or had a mullet or preferred the taste of Diet Coke over Diet Pepsi or didn't think Sara Jessica Parker was the butt-dog ugliest actress to ever be in a show with the word Sex in it or watched Dancing with The Stars or American Idol or liked the taste of Papa John's pizza or was afraid to eat spicy food or liked flat chested women or liked NASCAR or thought the Kentucky Derby was a great event and who didn't want to reach into the TV and bash in the brains of all those obscene rich white women with their stupid hats or thought the War in Iraq was the worth it I'd be ashamed to tell anyone and would hide in the dark until I got some therapy.

Poker is fine by me.

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Quite possibly the coolest paragraph written on this site in 2010. Well said.
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