Poker Goals (For Other CCers!)
I've decided that we are all too complacent and it's time that we all put in goals , but not for ourselves, but for others. Sure, many of us do put in goals, and usually attain half of them. But now, I am planting down the foot of poker legends squarely on your groinular regions and will scream "it is time that you are inspired to live up to the ridiculous goals of others." And shall it be so ...
I've decided that my goals for (written as if these already happened) ...
: By the beginning of 2009, he'll be 12-tabling 400nl. His monthly win will exceed $10,000 a month. With this money he'll buy a new condo and dedicate himself to charity away from poker. With his 41,000,000 VPPs a month, he will save up and get a new Porshe, and run over Dario Mineri with it.
While destroying all poker games
in his sight, he regularly 24-tables 200nl, exceeding even ChuckT's win rate. He decides that this challenge isn't enough and adds not just one but two more majors - BioChemistry and Theater Dance. This unprecidented move sets up his debut in the WSOP
European Main event, where he finishes 2nd to Annette Oberstad. Afterwards, he announces their pending engagement.
Finally taking the advise he should have listened to long ago, he moves up to 50nl and proceeds to play 15,000,000 hands at this level. This number is an exact amount because it takes this long for him to realize he's way too good for the levels he's playing at. Finally, after amassing a large enough bankroll, he moves out to Vegas and becomes a small stakes NL pro.
: Finally getting to the age of 21 might be a big enough goal here. But we'll go one step further and simply saying that he will finally be able to satiellite into the WSOP Main Event, where he takes it down for millions. The goal past that will be to figure out how to evenly split it up amongst his deserving fans.
: Finally attaining a bankroll where he can do some damage, Custo uses his modest BR to enter into a sat into the Sunday Millions. He wins. Entering again the next week into the Sunday Million tournament, he finishes a respectable 35th place. Using that money for research, he finds the cure for cancer.
After taking my advise, immediately moves to 100nl fullring and continues to not just crush the competition, but snort their ashes as some sort of sinister celebratory event. Once there, he easily works his way to 200nl, 12-tabling, and decides it's time to give back to the poker community at large. He'll move to Vegas, and open the very first year-round poker academy with all topless instructors.
Decides to take his poker game to the next level and become CardsChat's official "mascot" donning an outfit from the Queen scene in Alice in Wonderland while playing online. This puts him "in character" and allows him to become the fiercest tournament pro online. Taking down $215 buyin tournaments regularly, he makes enough to retire and do what he always has dreamed - become a professional NBA superstar.
: After finally and successfully arming his first Protégé, he will take on another well known poker pro and mold them into his own likeness. This pro? Shannon Elizabeth. Riding her coat-tails (and other tails) all the way to the WPT Five Diamond Classic at the Mirage, he'll swindle her of all her money through legal contractual loopholes as her "official caregiver".
Although the internet world hasn't seen him in action yet, they will soon. Quickly climbing the ranks in late 2009 as the premiere cash game Heads Up player, he takes on Phil Hellmuth in a "win or die" matchup for all assets currently owned ... all aired lived in a reality tv setting on The Outdoor Life Network. Taking down Hellmuth, and winning his entire portfolio of assets (including his wife and kids) is a mere beginning to this bright star's future.
After learning that his real father is none other than Scotty Ngyuen, he reuinites with his real family and promptly grows the best mullet this side of Billy Ray Cyrus. He leaves online poker for the real thing, live highstakes poker in Las Vegas. A regular in the Mirage High Stakes poker room, he takes down large pots from various oil barons, rock stars, politicans, and of course Sammy Farha. After winning his first million dollars, he invests his winnings in opening a new chain of haircut stores opening nationwide, named "The Cutoff".