P
ph_il
...
Silver Level
i struggle a lot with my poker confidence, especially with mtts and my mtt results. or, at least, the lack of big results. in recent months, i have been feeling a bit down due to the fact that i've never had a big mtt win and i've been playing online mtts on and off for over 10 years, possibly longer. so, there is a bit of jealousy involved when other players have had huge scores and i haven't. not just with cardschat members. it's cool that cc members are able to pull it off huge wins and make huge profits. even though there is a bit of jealousy, i'm always happy for them. but then, i do hold cc members to much higher standard that random players at a table, so i wouldn't expect any less.
if it's a random player from a random mtt, it's a bit worse. i feel a bit worse than usual about my ability and skill as player. especially if they have some crazy stats like a negative roi with -$5k profits in 1000 mtts, avg buy-in: $2, and they have 1 mtt win for $900 just randomly thrown in with their downward graph. then it's like "ok, what am i doing wrong here? why/how is this player so much better than i am that allowed them their 1 buy mtt win?"
of course, i want a big mtt win, not because of the profit but also the bragging rights. i want know what that's like to post a huge score in the brags section or be part of the elite club of members in the 'record of little wins' thread. i want to feel worthy, especially as a member of cc because i don't feel that way. and to clarify, this is just how i feel about myself. you might agree, you might disagree and that's cool.
now i'm wondering, am i putting to much thought into a single mtt win? even though i've never had a single, solid mtt win, i've had a number of mtt wins over the years of playing. i recently collected all my mtt results from over the years from as many sources as i could. a lot of stuff was missing, but i did my best and out of ~7000 mtts, i averaged a final table ~1/15 mtts, had ~18% top 3 finishes with 30 mtt wins, finish in top half of final tables over 65% of time, and only finish a final table in last place 8 times. so, ok results, right? i'm not positive and don't want to put too much thought into it because these could be terrible results overall. i don't know but, maybe, there is something worth focusing on here? like, okay, maybe i'll never be good enough for 1 big mtt win, but i can do well enough to make 5-10 smaller mtt wins that'll add up to the same value. that's something, right?
of course, i lose out on the cool bragging rights i would get with a $500 mtt win and i'm certainly not going to brag about 10 * $50 mtt wins, but maybe i just have to accept that this is as good as it's going to be for me.
if it's a random player from a random mtt, it's a bit worse. i feel a bit worse than usual about my ability and skill as player. especially if they have some crazy stats like a negative roi with -$5k profits in 1000 mtts, avg buy-in: $2, and they have 1 mtt win for $900 just randomly thrown in with their downward graph. then it's like "ok, what am i doing wrong here? why/how is this player so much better than i am that allowed them their 1 buy mtt win?"
of course, i want a big mtt win, not because of the profit but also the bragging rights. i want know what that's like to post a huge score in the brags section or be part of the elite club of members in the 'record of little wins' thread. i want to feel worthy, especially as a member of cc because i don't feel that way. and to clarify, this is just how i feel about myself. you might agree, you might disagree and that's cool.
now i'm wondering, am i putting to much thought into a single mtt win? even though i've never had a single, solid mtt win, i've had a number of mtt wins over the years of playing. i recently collected all my mtt results from over the years from as many sources as i could. a lot of stuff was missing, but i did my best and out of ~7000 mtts, i averaged a final table ~1/15 mtts, had ~18% top 3 finishes with 30 mtt wins, finish in top half of final tables over 65% of time, and only finish a final table in last place 8 times. so, ok results, right? i'm not positive and don't want to put too much thought into it because these could be terrible results overall. i don't know but, maybe, there is something worth focusing on here? like, okay, maybe i'll never be good enough for 1 big mtt win, but i can do well enough to make 5-10 smaller mtt wins that'll add up to the same value. that's something, right?
of course, i lose out on the cool bragging rights i would get with a $500 mtt win and i'm certainly not going to brag about 10 * $50 mtt wins, but maybe i just have to accept that this is as good as it's going to be for me.
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