The struggle of reassuring the people that care for you, that you are not a "gambling addict".

[BurfPokes]

A bit of background info about me first. I first learnt to play NLH age about 14 or 15. I instantly fell in love with the game and as soon as I could play in local pub games, I did. Looking back, when I was playing in these Pub MTT on a Thursday night, I knew nothing about poker apart from the hands.
I'm 31 now and up until the age of 28 my knowledge of the game stayed very basic. During lockdown, my cousin and I (both love poker) would play heads up, most nights. This lead to us both wanting to improve. So we started reading, studying a bit and playing a lot more. When lockdown finished we decided to organise a home game, with a selection of work friends and other people we know. This became an every Thursday night event with between 6-8 players ( 4 regulars) (2-4 guests). We play 10p/ 20p - 40p compulsory straddle. We play very deep stack with the average buy in about £60 - £80 (300-400 BB).
In the first year playing this game weekly, the money used to float between us week to week. With nobody having a distinct advantage. I started to read books every night. listening to audio books at work, watching high stakes, watching pros video lessons and learning GTO(preflop).
Since the beginning of 2022. I have constantly been cleaning up at these games. I started a poker income tracker to monitor winning games and profit/ loss and over the course of 6 months Feb - August 2022 I was in profit 87% of the games we played. With profit of over £1500.

With multiple comments from the players at the table, commenting on my improvement. I decided to go to the casino and test my game on a £1/£2 Cash game. My first night I bought in with the table max £400 and cashed out 6 hours later for £1580. This obviously lit a fire of confidence under my ass. I decided I would remove my initial £400 and the £1180 was now the start of my bank roll.
Since that day I've been up to the casino 3 times a week, played the same £1/£2 tables. After 2 months I have a win rate of 79% and I've built my bankroll to £5500.

Here in lies the rub... the frequency of my casino visits is making my peers (Wife / mother) concerned. And I can understand why, because the average person will view Poker exactly the same as they would roulette/ crabs / and any other table you would find in a casino. They simply do not have the knowledge of the game to realise that it is exploitable.
I have showed them my earnings and progress, explained in every way I can that It is completely different from being a gambling addict and that my bankroll is 100% winnings.... and but they continue to worry that I'm all of a sudden going to start gambling our life savings down the drain.

Sooo .... any tips for reassuring the worriers ?


Thanks in advance

 

[Nafor]

I am going to do something that I don't normally do with people that I meet here - I am going to be a bit harsh.

I am trying to view this as you should. From your wife's perspective. You say that during the lockdown you played with your cousin on most nights, and then you started playing even more. Were you already married back then?

Now you go to the casino up to three times per week. What does you wife do during that time? Does she stay home and wait, and are there also children in the picture? When you come home from the casino are you able shut up about it if no-one asks or do you constantly speak from the nights events?

I'm not saying that you are an addict, I'm just saying how easy it is for an outsider to come to this conclusion from your words. At this point it doesn't matter what you say or how much you might even win. What matters is what you do. Are you still the man your wife fell in love with? If not, can you become that man again? Check your priorities!

And welcome to CardsChat

 

[Recreationalplayer]

It is very essential to have family support for endeavors like poker. Try to get them on your side or find some middle ground where your family is happy.

 

[puzzlefish]

You can be a gambling addict and not lose money. Maybe, just as you took it upon yourself to learn about poker, you should take some time to learn more about addiction, because it may still become a big issue for you down the line if it isn't already.

 

[722Wade722]

For me, I make time with my wife and kids a priority, poker second. But a bit of a benefit for me is we don’t have live poker anywhere near where I live so I only play online. I get time in to play where I can but if I don’t play I’m with my family or popping in here lol.

The trick is finding balance and not letting it consume your life. I wish I could play more but I prefer my time with my family. When my kids are asleep or in school I’ll get some play time in then, if I miss a free roll or 2, so be it.

I also only talk poker if someone else brings it up, I enjoy that it’s my thing and that if my wife or kids are interested, they’ll ask, at that point I’ll openly engage in a conversation about it.

Hope you can work it out and all the best!

Edit to add: When I first came back to playing poker I sat down with my wife and talked it through so we both had a good understanding of the situation.

 

[SpanRmonka]

A bit of background info about me first. I first learnt to play NLH age about 14 or 15. I instantly fell in love with the game and as soon as I could play in local pub games, I did. Looking back, when I was playing in these Pub MTT on a Thursday night, I knew nothing about poker apart from the hands.
I'm 31 now and up until the age of 28 my knowledge of the game stayed very basic. During lockdown, my cousin and I (both love poker) would play heads up, most nights. This lead to us both wanting to improve. So we started reading, studying a bit and playing a lot more. When lockdown finished we decided to organise a home game, with a selection of work friends and other people we know. This became an every Thursday night event with between 6-8 players ( 4 regulars) (2-4 guests). We play 10p/ 20p - 40p compulsory straddle. We play very deep stack with the average buy in about £60 - £80 (300-400 BB).
In the first year playing this game weekly, the money used to float between us week to week. With nobody having a distinct advantage. I started to read books every night. listening to audio books at work, watching high stakes, watching pros video lessons and learning GTO(preflop).
Since the beginning of 2022. I have constantly been cleaning up at these games. I started a poker income tracker to monitor winning games and profit/ loss and over the course of 6 months Feb - August 2022 I was in profit 87% of the games we played. With profit of over £1500.

With multiple comments from the players at the table, commenting on my improvement. I decided to go to the casino and test my game on a £1/£2 Cash game. My first night I bought in with the table max £400 and cashed out 6 hours later for £1580. This obviously lit a fire of confidence under my ass. I decided I would remove my initial £400 and the £1180 was now the start of my bank roll.
Since that day I've been up to the casino 3 times a week, played the same £1/£2 tables. After 2 months I have a win rate of 79% and I've built my bankroll to £5500.

Here in lies the rub... the frequency of my casino visits is making my peers (Wife / mother) concerned. And I can understand why, because the average person will view Poker exactly the same as they would roulette/ crabs / and any other table you would find in a casino. They simply do not have the knowledge of the game to realise that it is exploitable.
I have showed them my earnings and progress, explained in every way I can that It is completely different from being a gambling addict and that my bankroll is 100% winnings.... and but they continue to worry that I'm all of a sudden going to start gambling our life savings down the drain.

Sooo .... any tips for reassuring the worriers ?


Thanks in advance

Interesting journey Burf. Seems like you've not posted for a while, but if you have any inclination to reply, def do. CC is a great place and there are endless opportunities to improve further by being more active. The main bonus is the community tho. So this could be the thing that actually benefits you. An outlet to link to other players etc.

Previous responses were perhaps offputting, or not, but I for 1 would love to hear more about your very successful exploits, especially as you are from the UK and I'm just getting going playing live poker in the UK too.

I guess to conclude, you can see why your wife is concerned. At some stage we all up the stakes, and this can be the problematic moment. Even tho you have great results so far. I would just scale it back.....allow yourself to not push or rush the progress. Bonus money basically

 

[INISHTE]

As already mentioned, it would be good to find a balance, not to neglect your wife, this game is beautiful, but I would much prefer my family.

 

[kunkgreen]

Anything in excess is harmful.
Families know that gambling can be as 'dangerous' as alcohol or any drug... in the sense of harming the family (for addicts).
So it's a valid concern.

Now, you seem to know what you're doing.
But be aware, it's not your results that will tell you if you're wasting your time with poker or not.
What do you think about doing this on online poker? Have you ever thought about the possibility? ...maybe less earnings but he would be with his family.

Finally, you also need to recognize yourself... Are you prone to addictions?
Já pensou em estipular horários específicos para os jogos e também uma estratégia para quando perder?

There are many considerations, but undoubtedly the debate with each one exposing their points is still the best choice.

 

[MrPokerVerse]

Life is about moderation. It is subjective from one individual to another. Don't know of two more people to have concern for you as both you mentioned. At some point the comfort zone may change their opinion, until then, happy wife happy life and you only have one Mom.

 

[allfarewells]

that’s always going to be a tough one … I suppose it depends entirely if you are showing traits of an addiction…. Do you borrow money to gamble….? Do you gamble till you have nothing left? Do you consistently lose? …. Or do you have a bankroll structure? Do you consistently sustain your wanted lifestyle from gambling? Do you gamble debt free? Are you able to play and walk away even? Do you have a happy medium with life and gambling? Does family come first?
I’m no expert I. Don’t claim to be but if your doing gambling as a job and you live a good life I wouldn’t say you have any issues atall as long as your not chasing losses but if your gamble to excess and are losing more than winning and relying on others to fund your habit I’d seek help and this is for anyone ….. but I pass no judgments as to how anyone lives their life’s I wish you all nothing but success and happiness 🙏

God bless you all ❤️