This is a discussion on How to deal with depression within the online poker forums, in the Learning Poker section; think this is the right section of the forum for my topic (if not pls forgive me and any mod is free to move it
think this is the right section of the forum for my topic (if not pls forgive me and any mod is free to move it TY)
Hi guys, I have something I feel like to share with you
It was fine and wonderful in the begin, I was not believe to my eyes to see $ over $ coming in my account even if I was playing micros (and when I say micros guys believe me I mean it , micros)
so, I start listen story of downswings and broke and stuff like that and consequently I was starting worry about that and I was starting think of when it was hit me how was look like and how to react and stuff like that
to do not take too long, the downswing full of bad and negative variance didn't come instead something else hit me like a Tsunami with a devastate effect on me, my game and even the real life (with any1 around me totally affect like a miserable a deadly virus or infection that may exterminate an entire population) and the bad news was that I wasn't prepare for that
I was so raped-up in my obsession with the variance and waiting for the downswing that I didn't thought for an instant to defend myself against others misfortunes
so, finally I have ended like the Nazi in the WWII (move almost 3/4 of the troupe in Greece due a wrong intelligence information while the allies were invader Europe threw Italy by Sicily) totally expose and open from the back while I was put all and everything I got on the wrong front
and here I am with and enemy that has grove like the Trojan horse from inside, slowly and deadly at same time, the Depression
the long hours spend with my own on the front of a monitor to grind has bring pain and loneliness in my soul and while my roll was growing at same time the evil of the darkness was make every day pass more and more room to end today where Im, alone (almost lost all my friends that I haven't listen for years by now) and so in pain that I am also unable to grind with efficiency anymore
I have tried already a mental Coach (with no positive return) a consouler and obviously the doctor with all his archimia full of medications that makes only things worst.
Obviously, I don't aspect to find the solution here on the forum (Im not so foul after all or maybe yes ... don't really know anymore) specially after every1 (specialists and not) have already failed around me
what I was looking for is any1 else that have pass threw this bad stuff and come out maybe may spare and share his experience and how he done and so on, in the end of the day, we all are poker players here
has take me a while to write down here (it is not easy to share such stuff believe me friends) and share my story with you so I even don't really sure if I have done the right thing or I should keep for myself and avoid the public embarrassment, I don't know at this stage
but the fact that all start as a consequence of the long hours grinding I thought maybe it may be possible that as the downswing and variance, the depression may be as well a collateral effect of the grinding and maybe I will be so lucky to find somebody else that has gone threw this stuff and come out as a winner
my apology for the long story, I have tried my best to make short and at same time complete of any details so to allowed helps come more easy; sorry about that!
Thank you for reading (if you manage to reach this point) and for any possible further help
P.S. Please forgive also my English as Im not a brilliant English writer specially if upset.
19th August 2016, 1:15 PM
STL FAN 
Online Poker at: ACR
The first step out of the Abyss is to always embrace the Abyss; this is the moment in which the darkness can consume our thoughts. Adversity does not build character rather it reveals it instead.
Success can breed contempt, losing can concrete a cycle of mental weakness from success, adversity from losing after a cycle of success is much harder for the mental state to admit to the “self”; what did I do, what could I have done better? Why do most people fail themselves when faced with these crossroads? Shame, failure of our game, failure of the “self”, and this mental state can lead us to the Abyss.
Emotions from this are natural because just like this game, golf, bowling, and chess for example, these games are just one person against an entire field of like- minded competitors with no one to blame except the “self”. No teammates to pick us up when we fail in the moment. Poker can be a lonely game and lead to a weak mental state for example.
My posts are written in blog form even the most intimate thoughts about poker that are kept on my computer, writing thoughts is a snap shot in time, writing style developed allows for gains about how my posts evolve over time as well as going back in time that a memory can capture my thoughts about my game in that exact moment to contrast and compare.
Keep posting thoughts, keep practicing your writing style, this allows for personal growth at and away from the table. The better a person can be at being a "word smith" will lead to personal mental growth. This allows the player to embrace the Abyss, to lead ourselves away from a personal place of pain. Putting your personal thoughts in a forum shows strength about personal weakness for our peers to read, from that a player can grow that no one else can give us by being honest with our thoughts. Embrace failure because without failure can we not began to teach ourselves new success that shows the small mental gains away from the table. Glad to meet you and good luck in your journey.