re: Poker & Suicidal thoughts?
My question is.....are you on any medication? If so, check to see if any of them have side effects listing suicidal thoughts or depression. If not listed on the bottle, then check rxlist or drugs.com. If you find this is the case talk to your doctor about adjusting your meds. If you mention suicide to the doctor be prepared for him/her to take a drastic step, that you may really not want. So careful how you approach medical professionals they have legal liability/responsibility for covering their own butt.
As the days get shorter seasonal depression increases, since winter is here make it a point to go outside get a little sun every day. Regular exercise can raise endorphins. Give yourself somethings to look forward to doing, that always keeps my spirits up.
Actually, I don't think getting a degree is necessarily the best way any more of having a successful life. The value of a degree isn't what it used to be. You can start a business or go into a trade, there's a shortage of people in certain trades.
If you have the right major you can still find a job. Since you play poker I'm assuming you are at least competent in math. Degrees that are related in anyway to math have always been in demand. I think this trend will continue since so many people are bad/afraid of anything to do with math. I worked a min wage job that offered tuition reimbursement which helped me pay for part of college. Maybe get a different min-wage job if your job doesn't offer that benefit. Studying mathematics can also help improve your analytical skills and your game.
Realistically, even if things are bad now how long will that remain that way. Anyone that commits suicide will never have an opportunity to do things that they have dreamed of doing. As long as you are alive there's always hope. Suicide is a poor permanent solution to a address a temporary problem.