OK, this is probably not the story you wanted to hear but it's still technically a first time live poker experience, and if you've had live moments that made you think 'wtf', reading this might give you an insight into one possible answer to the 'what?' in the actual fck.
I knew I was ready before I even knew what ranges are. or heard the word before. How did I know? Well. A recent acquaintance of mine had stolen a fair chunk of my disposable income from me (won't get into the details, makes me grumpy still) and I knew their workplace, a rather large store at the other end of town. I showed up there to get my money back and couldn't find them.
You might be wondering how I knew I was ready to play live poker because of this - the answer is quite simple.
Not only did I not find my target, but did somehow manage to lose quite a bit of additional cash while looking for them there. Not having slept for more than a day at that point, it made me lose my mind. I looked for my cash for 3 hours even though any actual work done in that time would have translate into twice as much money, but I was fuming like a cigarette bum ready to start a forest fire.
That's where I remembered: Finding my way to the thieves workplace, I saw the local casino was right next door and also, a straight beats a flush. Or the other way around? Ahhh nevermind I thought, whatever is better I'm sure gonna be the one have it and then I'll take off with enough to forgive my sinners debt and be as much at peace with myself and the world again as I would have been after a few hours of good sleep. Mediocre sleep would probably have done it too.
So I check the place out, the minimum buy-in is just a little less than I had left for recreational stuff after rent etc. at the time. So I bought in for a proud 1 and 2/3 of a BB more. Amounted to 35BB, who would not be scared of that, eh? One double-up and I will have as much money as I had before I got robbed.
So I start 'playing' at the only open 9-max table, sitting down with a feeling like all the stacks are gonna be mine by the end of the day. The dealer politeley asked me 'Do you want to wait for the big blind or post a blind now?' and I'm like 'Huh, the big wut? Post it where? I don't have Facebook.'. OK, obviously I didn't say that, but I might just as well have.
First hand I get to make a decision, the pot is about the size of my stack on the flop and I thought 'wow, what a moment to join, wild action!'.
The next 10 pots seem even wilder and I fold every hand for probably one and a half rounds. Finally, I get AQ. It was AQo, but if you could get a pocket full house in Poker, that's what it looked like to me. I can't believe my luck when everyone folds to me (I'm in the hijack, but I had no idea about positional differences either) and I bet 3BB vs. the blinds and co. The small blind shoves instantly. I think. I call. And things get awkward. They are asking me questions again and I understand nothing. Probably someone said smth about running it twice. Also they don't show their cards, so I don't show mine either because I'm so full of adrenaline that I can't talk or think and don't even know if everyone is all in at all. They probably thought I was slowrolling aces on them or smth since I didn't wanna run it twice (actually I just couldn't open my mouth to say anything). After the river is out, it takes me 4 attempts to count from 1 to 4 and be sure that there was no fifth card to be found that gave me a straight. They had 99 and flopped a set. I stand, no rebuy, everyone half bursts into laughter but most folks politely hold it back until I'm off on my bike again.
I think it's quite a miracle that I still developed an interested in poker after that honestly traumatizing experience...
By the way, the thief eventually paypalled me my money back, all it took was 10 phone calls in 3 days, lmao. But I didn't dare to ask them for penalty interest ;P
