Mortis
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WARNING: This is a very long post. It talks about my history in dealing with Major Depression Disorder, and how to deal with it at the poker tables. I don't know if anyone else deals with it as well. But I'm hoping it can help some who do deal with it. Or help some others understand it a bit. I will number the sections if you want to skip over some parts.
1. About Me
2. What is MDD?
3. Dealing with MDD at the Poker Tables
4. Conclusion
1.
Hello. My name is Jason Herold. I'm 38 years old, been playing poker for about 14 years now (Almost 13 of those years spent on CardsChat), and I have been dealing with Major Depression Disorder for about 23-24 years. Most people who meet me don't even know and can't even tell. But I've been dealing with it for a long time.
I never sought help for my MDD. My mom didn't have it, so she didn't understand it. She was the type of person who would try to get me to stay positive by saying, "Think happy thoughts." Growing up, I didn't really talk to my dad much. He disappeared for about 10 years out of my life during my childhood and teenage years. As a young adult, I found out that my biological paternal grandfather committed suicide in the early 90s. I didn't know him. He left my grandmother when my dad wasn't even 2 years old. As I tried to trace back some of my dad's heritage, I found there was a history of depression on his side, but my dad and I never talked about it.
Around 14-15 years old, I started developing migraines and had an MRI done, where the doctor thought I may have had a brain tumor at that time. Turns out I didn't. Just had serious migraines. It was about that time that I started feeling some effects of depression, but really didn't know anything about it.
It took me over 20 years to finally seek help for it from a doctor. 3 years ago, I suffered a major concussion from a pro wrestling match, which changed my way of thinking about some things. And 10 months later, I finally talked to a doctor about it where I was officially diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder (aka MDD aka Clincal Depression).
2.
I'm sure most people know what depression is, but for those who don't know what MDD is, it's a disorder that causes not just sadness, but feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, guilt, and crying for no reason at all, and sometimes it's heightened by events.
MDD can cause a wide range of issues, including sleep disorders, irritability, frustration, lack of energy, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, and can even cause physical pain like headaches/migraines, and muscles and joint aches.
MDD can lead to one turning to alcohol and/or drugs to help dull the pain, leading to addiction, leading to a deeper depression. But not everyone goes through that, as I'm lucky I have not. I have not felt the need to turn to drugs or alcohol. I've just "dealt with it."
When I was officially diagnosed with MDD 2 years ago, they tried a couple of different meds to help, which nothing did help. So, I'm still just "dealing with it."
3.
But I didn't make this post to just talk about me. I wanted to make this post to try and help poker players dealing with MDD or any other type of depression, and try to help fight through it, on or off the poker tables.
A) Try to stay positive. I know, it's funny. I mention how my mom's advice was always to "think happy thoughts." And it's not always that easy. But the best you can, try to stay positive. Know that you can get passed your episodes and your bad times. And you can push through it.
B) Fight through or take a break? When I'm in a deep depression, it's difficult for me to keep playing. I start to not enjoy the game. Which causes my game to suffer. Which leads to a depleting bankroll. So, I say, don't be afraid to take a break. Rest. Find something else to do for awhile. Find something to occupy your mind. I know that's easier said than done, but when you're on a mental downslope, I recommend stepping away from the tables. Take a walk - pet your dog - listen to music - find something to relax.
C) The highs and lows. If you look at my poker graph, you can usually see where my depression episodes were. My highs are high, and my lows are low. Which leads me back to B - taking a break during your lows.
D) Dealing With Tilt. With MDD, comes irritability and frustration, even when you're not at the tables. So dealing with a bad beat or a troll at the tables can be extremely frustrating. Playing tournaments that you're properly bankrolled for will cut down on tilt. Don't bet the entire bankroll. Play what you're comfortable playing if you were to lose. Because in poker tournaments, you will lose A LOT. When dealing with poker trolls and those who want to belittle or insult you... think about who they are to you. Especially those on the online tables, most are just random opponents that you will never ever meet (unless maybe they're CardsChat players, but let's hope CardsChat players don't act like that at the tables). Try not to let random people get under your skin. They're just random people.
E) Try to surround yourself with a positive support group. It's okay to let go of toxic people from your life. The type of people that you surround yourself with, will greatly affect your mental health... and in this case, your poker game.
4.
This kind of sums up all of the points, but if you can't think clearly and you let these things affect you, then you won't be able to play well.
I hope this helps.
1. About Me
2. What is MDD?
3. Dealing with MDD at the Poker Tables
4. Conclusion
1.
Hello. My name is Jason Herold. I'm 38 years old, been playing poker for about 14 years now (Almost 13 of those years spent on CardsChat), and I have been dealing with Major Depression Disorder for about 23-24 years. Most people who meet me don't even know and can't even tell. But I've been dealing with it for a long time.
I never sought help for my MDD. My mom didn't have it, so she didn't understand it. She was the type of person who would try to get me to stay positive by saying, "Think happy thoughts." Growing up, I didn't really talk to my dad much. He disappeared for about 10 years out of my life during my childhood and teenage years. As a young adult, I found out that my biological paternal grandfather committed suicide in the early 90s. I didn't know him. He left my grandmother when my dad wasn't even 2 years old. As I tried to trace back some of my dad's heritage, I found there was a history of depression on his side, but my dad and I never talked about it.
Around 14-15 years old, I started developing migraines and had an MRI done, where the doctor thought I may have had a brain tumor at that time. Turns out I didn't. Just had serious migraines. It was about that time that I started feeling some effects of depression, but really didn't know anything about it.
It took me over 20 years to finally seek help for it from a doctor. 3 years ago, I suffered a major concussion from a pro wrestling match, which changed my way of thinking about some things. And 10 months later, I finally talked to a doctor about it where I was officially diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder (aka MDD aka Clincal Depression).
2.
I'm sure most people know what depression is, but for those who don't know what MDD is, it's a disorder that causes not just sadness, but feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, guilt, and crying for no reason at all, and sometimes it's heightened by events.
MDD can cause a wide range of issues, including sleep disorders, irritability, frustration, lack of energy, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, and can even cause physical pain like headaches/migraines, and muscles and joint aches.
MDD can lead to one turning to alcohol and/or drugs to help dull the pain, leading to addiction, leading to a deeper depression. But not everyone goes through that, as I'm lucky I have not. I have not felt the need to turn to drugs or alcohol. I've just "dealt with it."
When I was officially diagnosed with MDD 2 years ago, they tried a couple of different meds to help, which nothing did help. So, I'm still just "dealing with it."
3.
But I didn't make this post to just talk about me. I wanted to make this post to try and help poker players dealing with MDD or any other type of depression, and try to help fight through it, on or off the poker tables.
A) Try to stay positive. I know, it's funny. I mention how my mom's advice was always to "think happy thoughts." And it's not always that easy. But the best you can, try to stay positive. Know that you can get passed your episodes and your bad times. And you can push through it.
B) Fight through or take a break? When I'm in a deep depression, it's difficult for me to keep playing. I start to not enjoy the game. Which causes my game to suffer. Which leads to a depleting bankroll. So, I say, don't be afraid to take a break. Rest. Find something else to do for awhile. Find something to occupy your mind. I know that's easier said than done, but when you're on a mental downslope, I recommend stepping away from the tables. Take a walk - pet your dog - listen to music - find something to relax.
C) The highs and lows. If you look at my poker graph, you can usually see where my depression episodes were. My highs are high, and my lows are low. Which leads me back to B - taking a break during your lows.
D) Dealing With Tilt. With MDD, comes irritability and frustration, even when you're not at the tables. So dealing with a bad beat or a troll at the tables can be extremely frustrating. Playing tournaments that you're properly bankrolled for will cut down on tilt. Don't bet the entire bankroll. Play what you're comfortable playing if you were to lose. Because in poker tournaments, you will lose A LOT. When dealing with poker trolls and those who want to belittle or insult you... think about who they are to you. Especially those on the online tables, most are just random opponents that you will never ever meet (unless maybe they're CardsChat players, but let's hope CardsChat players don't act like that at the tables). Try not to let random people get under your skin. They're just random people.
E) Try to surround yourself with a positive support group. It's okay to let go of toxic people from your life. The type of people that you surround yourself with, will greatly affect your mental health... and in this case, your poker game.
4.
This kind of sums up all of the points, but if you can't think clearly and you let these things affect you, then you won't be able to play well.
I hope this helps.