new help with new anti-gambling GF

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pogreshilly

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My new GF is opposed to gambling. So am I, but "gambling" to me means sucker games such as blackjack and lottery tickets. If you were in my position what would you say to her to help her at least accept that I'm not going to stop playing poker--without having to end the relationship?
 
NoWuckingFurries

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If they don't accept you for what you are, it's time to move on... she's entitled to her opinions, but not to tell you what to do... I've had a lot of difficulties explaining matched betting to people, so I know where you're coming from, but frankly most people have a closed mind about it, so it's not really worth trying to convince them otherwise...
 
riffpoker

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Poker is a game of skill, but nevertheless gambling as well. Double edged sword my friend.
 
Jack Daniels

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Poker is a game of skill, but nevertheless gambling as well. Double edged sword my friend.
From a legal definition perspective, most governments would disagree with you. It's either a game of chance or a game of skill. You don't get to be both. I think the confusion comes in because there is still an element of luck in poker, however that does not make it a game of chance (gambling).
 
Chris_TC

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Poker is a game of skill, but nevertheless gambling as well. Double edged sword my friend.
Not really. Show her your lifetime graph to prove that good luck and bad luck even out in the long run while skill prevails. Problem solved.
 
Tammy

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What if he's a losing player? (No offense, just saying.) Looks like you guys just aren't made for each other. If you disagree about this, you probably disagree about a lot of big issues. Sit down and talk about the to see if it's even worth continuing the relationship (people don't change much).
 
riffpoker

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From a legal definition perspective, most governments would disagree with you. It's either a game of chance or a game of skill. You don't get to be both. I think the confusion comes in because there is still an element of luck in poker, however that does not make it a game of chance (gambling).

Gambling has an economic definition, referring to wagering money or something of material value on an event with an uncertain outcome with the primary intent of winning additional money. Which in essense is what poker is and has been since its inception. btw when I looked up the definition of gambling......there was a picture of 3 people playing poker circa 1594.
 
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MDTed

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Play the George Thorogood song "If You Don't Start Drinking, I'm Gonna Leave" and substitute the word gambling as you sing it loudly.

She will get the hint.
 
Jack Daniels

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Sorry, game of skill =/= game of chance.

Play the George Thorogood song "If You Don't Start Drinking, I'm Gonna Leave" and substitute the word gambling as you sing it loudly.

She will get the hint.
If you don't start drinking, I'm gonna gambling? ;)
 
Boltneck

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Gambling has an economic definitionhttps://www.cardschat.com/wiki/Definition, referring to wagering money or something of material value on an event with an uncertain outcome with the primary intent of winning additional money. Which in essense is what poker is and has been since its inception. btw when I looked up the definition of gambling......there was a picture of 3 people playing poker circa 1594.

Whilst I would not be so presumptuous as to argue with the dictionary, by this definition "investment" on the stock market would have to be categorised as gambling. Also, most pension schemes (which invest in in the stock market, or any other market that can fluctuate eg gold, oil, currency etc) would be considered gambling.

Getting back to OP, I would say that plan A would be to discuss with your gf the concept of poker, perhaps invite her to oversee a session or two. If she is not sufficiently open minded to agree to this, then I'd say that you are better of finding a new gf rather than a new hobby (sorry to be so blunt).

Likewise, if after discussion / sampling poker her attitude to the game has not changed I would tell her to accept you for what you are, not what she wants you to be. I would say the same if she objected to you drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or any other 'habit' that you have that she may disagree with.

You are what you are - if you try to change to meet the requirements of others, there are fundamental problems imho.

Regards

Bolt.
 
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if I can inject some actull advice here?

you just need to find a medium with GF, my wife hates that I play poker and now that im starting to bet on horse's I know she is going to hate that. I know its more of the time I spend playing then the actual money because I never play with money that is needed but extra money. You just need to sit her down and tell her. "look this is what I enjoy doing but it wont interfere with us at all" and mean what you say dont just say it to make her happy. Like tell her every Wednesday and Friday I play these certain tournements or this is the time I spend in my cash games and then set apart other day for you guys to spend time together.

no one in life is always going to like 100% of what you do but guess what in order to make a relationship work its give and take.
 
dj11

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I think you just tell GF "Bye Bye!" and "Good Luck finding that moral guy you need". And find someone more compatible!:eek:

She, being the controlling btch she probably is, will discount your truly best wishes for good luck in her quest, and you will know for sure you called correctly!:D
 
zachvac

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My new GF is opposed to gambling. So am I, but "gambling" to me means sucker games such as blackjack and lottery tickets. If you were in my position what would you say to her to help her at least accept that I'm not going to stop playing poker--without having to end the relationship?

Assuming you enjoy poker you tell her "I play poker. You don't have to like poker but you do have to respect the fact that I like it, or this thing isn't going to work".
 
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She's not going to get a lot of sympathy on a forum like this. Tally one more vote for "Go to hell".
 
Debi

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If you really like to play poker find a new girlfriend. Unless you are losing money you can not afford to lose. If that is the issue then stop gambling lol.
 
arkadiy

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Seriously, if poker a big hobby of yours, find a new girlfriend. It'll be hell later on and will start many fights. :p
 
vanquish

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have her play a SNG on your account and watch her change her mind after her 92 > KK
 
WEC

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Have you EVER dated a WOMAN before??????

These guys trying to reason with intelligent proposals to why poker isnt gambling....HA.....No chance

Got to show her the........
Door.jpg
 
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pogreshilly

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In over four decades of life I've had two GFs. The first one, when I was 30, was simply a mistake. This one is the only woman--or even man!--I've had extensive contact with who understands me. I'm a complicated guy and my life is convoluted and she doesn't belittle it or dismiss it with pat phrases. That's very important to me. But so is poker. I lose about $80 a month so I'm not a winning player but I'm not an addict, either.

Thanks for all the replies. I'd like to hear more from people who are adamant that it's not going to work out between us. Why isn't it?
 
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pogreshilly

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If they don't accept you for what you are, it's time to move on... she's entitled to her opinions, but not to tell you what to do... I've had a lot of difficulties explaining matched betting to people, so I know where you're coming from, but frankly most people have a closed mind about it, so it's not really worth trying to convince them otherwise...

I understand poker in terms of positive and negative expectations. Blackjack is negative expectation because the game is designed so that the house wins. Poker is neutral expectation because you don't play against the house, you play against other players, and you all theoretically have an equal chance of winning. If I'm wrong about this I'm happy to stop playing poker because I only feel disgust for people who waste all their disposable income on lottery tickets. But this business of matched betting is new to me. Please explain it to me.

I should add that the people in my life don't have the time of day for the explanation I just gave. To them it's either "poker bada boom bada boom doo doo doo do waa waa" or "poker eww yuck." It hardly ever gets beyond that.
 
riffpoker

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hey here's a thought..........does your new GF have anything she does to occupy her personal time that doesn't include you? ie: working out, nails, shopping, girls night out, a hobby...etc? compromise and give eachother a little personal time..you pick poker. wah-lah.
Of course this wont work if she chooses to bitch about your poker playing as her personal hobby. rofl. good luck Ahab.

peace
 
SavagePenguin

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I think the money is going to be a big issue for her. I mean, would she have a problem with if you were playing video games instead?

If you're winning, I wouldn't highlight that. That is, I'd try to make it about the game rather than the money. You enjoy playing, and you're be willing to play even if you were losing.

If you're winning, or losing a little, maybe compare it to playing arcade games. Arcade games nowadays are what, $.50 or $1 to play? And console games like Halo 3 are $60. So they have a financial investment as well. And at least with poker you have social interaction with others, and tend to use your mind a bit more.

Or maybe compare it to golf? What does a set of golf clubs cost, and how much does a round cost?
 
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pogreshilly

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hey here's a thought..........does your new GF have anything she does to occupy her personal time that doesn't include you? ie: working out, nails, shopping, girls night out, a hobby...etc? compromise and give eachother a little personal time..you pick poker. wah-lah.
Of course this wont work if she chooses to bitch about your poker playing as her personal hobby. rofl. good luck Ahab.

peace

She scrapbooks. To her credit she doesn't seem to feel a need to engage my interest in her hobby, but her hobby has a better street rep than mine.
 
zachvac

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In over four decades of life I've had two GFs. The first one, when I was 30, was simply a mistake. This one is the only woman--or even man!--I've had extensive contact with who understands me.
If she really understands you, she'll understand that you enjoy playing poker, it's that simple. If she doesn't then perhaps you're wrong. If poker isn't truly part of you and you can give it up, then do. But I fail to see how if you really enjoy playing poker how someone who "understands" you can not understand or be opposed to your poker playing.


I'm a complicated guy and my life is convoluted and she doesn't belittle it or dismiss it with pat phrases.
Besides poker?

That's very important to me. But so is poker. I lose about $80 a month so I'm not a winning player but I'm not an addict, either.

Thanks for all the replies. I'd like to hear more from people who are adamant that it's not going to work out between us. Why isn't it?


If you want to make it work, you can make it work. There are 3 ways it can work.

1. You give up poker
2. She learns to accept that you play poker
3. (much more likely) there's some compromise, you make promises such as limiting your poker playing or certain times where you will be with her and that will be poker free.

It's hard to respond to this when you won't go further than "anti-gambling". Does she think it's stupid and you're throwing away money? Is she morally opposed to gambling? Does she think you'll turn into a gambling addict? As in poker, your situation is "it depends" :D
 
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