N
NeverTooLate
Enthusiast
Silver Level
Thanks Patrice, yes I try to write somewhat authentic posts. That's why I chose to write here rather in some other more popular forum, so that I could feel likey anonymity stays safe and I can write without some of my poker friends for example recognizing who I am.
It's not that it would matter too much, but I have always being extremely private and just being "out there" stresses me as an idea.
I also have some Spelling mistakes in my posts because I never reread them before posting, cause I know if I reread I will start to think something like "uh, maybe I shouldn't say this it sounds a bit arrogant/silly", or whatever else it may be.
It is interesting how a small post/complement from a complete random stranger gives a weird shot of dopamine in this blog for me. I can really see how being a social influencer is a crazy scary world where you can go to both directions really fast with hate or support.
Honestly, I really don't know what is my point for writing this stuff down, since I also am writing a more private pen&paper journal too. At first the point was to get some shirt of quick fix to find my motivation in Las Vegas, where I was sailing in real deep waters for the most of the time really.
But, I guess looking back at this later on can be kind of fun, see if there is some development happening. That is why being authentic is or would be good too, to really see how the mood and tone changes as things change too.
Honestly I haven't vented here at all about the lowest points where I am tilted and frustrated, and the energy change doesn't really reflect through the posts.
It's more like a news anchor telling good and bad news with the same straight face, maybe flashing a smirk or slight sadness in the facial expression.
Shame is really one of the reason why I do t do it. We have discussed about shame a huge amount with my therapist, and it seems to be a pivotal topic in the way I process my life.
So, it is hard for me really show the monkey tilter publicly, or even the average grind day where I shit on every single villain I have outloud, while playing all by myself.
Good example would be Daniel Negreanu when he was tilting while playing wsop online, but on top of that, the hate is largely geared towards the opponents.
One day before my session, I was meditating with waking up, and the meditation had "loving & kindness" as a theme. The task was to think a bout a person who is important to me, and genuinely wish them well. "May you be free from suffering". "May you prosper and live a happy life".
What I did instead of choosing a loved one, I chose to think about all the regs collectively that I always despise at tables. Turns out, it was one of the best grind sessions after that.
I think there is something more deep rooted in this aggression that I have in the tables actually, and I am happy I wrote about this. Maybe it has something to do with my self image? Why would I hate my villains so hard who are doing the exact thing that I am doing?
Need to reflect on this a bit more.
Today almost no poker, some cash games, plo5 and nl200.
Seems to me right now that if it's possible to find a soft no limit game, I can probably reach higher wr than in plo5.
But, in general good nl games are very hard to find, regs play with rmtheir randomizers and old school street wars are hard to come by.
Was playing nl200 hu yesterday though, and it was so much fun, the reg was in my opinion quite bad, and, well since I make some retard plays, at least plays that look absolutely bonkers outside, I usually do get action and this was no exception, he kept reloading, all the while when I thought that he was the spot in the match. I guess that is how all HU battles go, both players think they are the man. Maybe others than Polk vs Negreanu
.
Had some interesting spots where I felt like I made some good progress with my "gut reads". For example:
I opened AQ0 2bb, villain 3b to 12bb, I 4bet to ~27bb, villain semisnap jams 125bigs or so.
He had 3b earlier to8-10bb, never more. Earlier he just called my 4b, most likely weaker Ax thank AK (we went to showdown my AK won, but I lost the hh so didn't see his hand but unpaired that lost to A hi)
So I folded, didn't think this guy was able to find a bluffshove with his timing, and he was bad enough to adjust his sizing based on his holding, which happens a lot in this network.
Can be good against fishes I guess, but I will exploit harder than anyone on your tendencies, so against me you will either own me if you can exploit me better than I exploit you, or you will get absolutely wrecked EV wise by like going for thin value with a small block and I bluff raise 100% of my air and clickback my thin value .
Off to bed soon and tomorrow I will play some sort of a mtt session, depends how I feel health wise. I would love to grind a full mtt session but I won't force it if it feels too much.
Also I have that super good run, where 4 or less tables would be very optimal so don't mind too much if I can't go bonkers with regging.
It's not that it would matter too much, but I have always being extremely private and just being "out there" stresses me as an idea.
I also have some Spelling mistakes in my posts because I never reread them before posting, cause I know if I reread I will start to think something like "uh, maybe I shouldn't say this it sounds a bit arrogant/silly", or whatever else it may be.
It is interesting how a small post/complement from a complete random stranger gives a weird shot of dopamine in this blog for me. I can really see how being a social influencer is a crazy scary world where you can go to both directions really fast with hate or support.
Honestly, I really don't know what is my point for writing this stuff down, since I also am writing a more private pen&paper journal too. At first the point was to get some shirt of quick fix to find my motivation in Las Vegas, where I was sailing in real deep waters for the most of the time really.
But, I guess looking back at this later on can be kind of fun, see if there is some development happening. That is why being authentic is or would be good too, to really see how the mood and tone changes as things change too.
Honestly I haven't vented here at all about the lowest points where I am tilted and frustrated, and the energy change doesn't really reflect through the posts.
It's more like a news anchor telling good and bad news with the same straight face, maybe flashing a smirk or slight sadness in the facial expression.
Shame is really one of the reason why I do t do it. We have discussed about shame a huge amount with my therapist, and it seems to be a pivotal topic in the way I process my life.
So, it is hard for me really show the monkey tilter publicly, or even the average grind day where I shit on every single villain I have outloud, while playing all by myself.
Good example would be Daniel Negreanu when he was tilting while playing wsop online, but on top of that, the hate is largely geared towards the opponents.
One day before my session, I was meditating with waking up, and the meditation had "loving & kindness" as a theme. The task was to think a bout a person who is important to me, and genuinely wish them well. "May you be free from suffering". "May you prosper and live a happy life".
What I did instead of choosing a loved one, I chose to think about all the regs collectively that I always despise at tables. Turns out, it was one of the best grind sessions after that.
I think there is something more deep rooted in this aggression that I have in the tables actually, and I am happy I wrote about this. Maybe it has something to do with my self image? Why would I hate my villains so hard who are doing the exact thing that I am doing?
Need to reflect on this a bit more.
Today almost no poker, some cash games, plo5 and nl200.
Seems to me right now that if it's possible to find a soft no limit game, I can probably reach higher wr than in plo5.
But, in general good nl games are very hard to find, regs play with rmtheir randomizers and old school street wars are hard to come by.
Was playing nl200 hu yesterday though, and it was so much fun, the reg was in my opinion quite bad, and, well since I make some retard plays, at least plays that look absolutely bonkers outside, I usually do get action and this was no exception, he kept reloading, all the while when I thought that he was the spot in the match. I guess that is how all HU battles go, both players think they are the man. Maybe others than Polk vs Negreanu
.Had some interesting spots where I felt like I made some good progress with my "gut reads". For example:
I opened AQ0 2bb, villain 3b to 12bb, I 4bet to ~27bb, villain semisnap jams 125bigs or so.
He had 3b earlier to8-10bb, never more. Earlier he just called my 4b, most likely weaker Ax thank AK (we went to showdown my AK won, but I lost the hh so didn't see his hand but unpaired that lost to A hi)
So I folded, didn't think this guy was able to find a bluffshove with his timing, and he was bad enough to adjust his sizing based on his holding, which happens a lot in this network.
Can be good against fishes I guess, but I will exploit harder than anyone on your tendencies, so against me you will either own me if you can exploit me better than I exploit you, or you will get absolutely wrecked EV wise by like going for thin value with a small block and I bluff raise 100% of my air and clickback my thin value .
Off to bed soon and tomorrow I will play some sort of a mtt session, depends how I feel health wise. I would love to grind a full mtt session but I won't force it if it feels too much.
Also I have that super good run, where 4 or less tables would be very optimal so don't mind too much if I can't go bonkers with regging.
