I’m not sure if you have a question in there, but I suspect that there are holes in your bankroll management that would indicate to me that you are more of a gambler than a level-headed poker player, and I can see patterns that would lead you to eventually blow this bankroll too.
I’m no expert (although I’ve never put more money into my account after an initial deposit and even then, I’ve taken out the initial deposits and only playing with house money now) and have no intention of ever depositing again.
So if you don’t mind me saying... it’s probably best if you make peace with your prior losses and make your last deposit your psychological starting point and aim to grow as a poker player. The
gambling mentality is to always seek to make up for the last loss, and to do so by taking bigger and bigger risks with each loss. If that’s how you want to play the game (and what makes it fun for you) then be my guest but I do think that it’s a long term recipe for financial trouble.
I also don’t know if playing through an adrenaline rush is a good idea either as that can result in overconfidence that leads to overaggression in your play, leading to more bad decisions and then from there, more risk-taking motivated by a strong desire to make up for the last loss and then then combined with overconfidence from adrenaline... the pattern repeats itself.
If you want to be a successful long-term poker player, you might want to consider plugging this leak. But if you are doing this for the thrills... then adopt the attitude that each deposit is your entertainment dollars at work and treat losses as the cost of entertainment. At least that way, you wouldn’t be taking wild risks to make back the money you already lost.
My 2c anyway.
