so how do I deal with this?

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LukeSilver

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well I wont give out exact figures anymore because certain people I know in real life know my forum names and are following me across different forums to see how I do.

I do not want these people to know how I do because its lose lose, If I fail or fall short they will think me a loser look down on me and I will be shamed.

should I succeed they will be playing gold digger trying however they can to take advantage and see what they can get, I dont need or want that hassle.

so as loosely as I can mention it I am making progress and moving up stake levels, and roll although the success rate is not as fast as I would like if I continued at this rate barring rake hikes industry changes etc there is no reason I could not reach the top levels especially with the latest break through.

(I am not revealing the latest break through even with a gun to my head but it will significantly elevate my game)

However why am I not as fast as I would like few reasons
1. I found trouble getting table ninja working with the current client and getting 200 games in an hour like I thought does not seem doable without table ninja I am managing between 70 and 120 depending on traffic and other factors.

2. I find it hard to motivate myself to play the swings are brutal I am going up but my graph looks like a heart monitor. if you look at certain sections of my graph its not really easy to see if I am winning or losing its just up and down violently, however a long term perspective we can see an upward trend.

I am playing the highest variance games that can realistically be found online. so I should expect this but its hard to cope emotionally with the swings.

3. trying to memorize such amounts of data and get so many different spots right is a lot harder then I thought it would be and yet the competition even at the bottom stakes seems to have a lot stronger grasp of it then I thought they would.

I am recognizing mistakes the regs are making some of it marginal and other times I suspect collusion. However I cant rule out tilt misclicks or ignorance all three of which have affected me into making wrong plays before but I am getting better at reducing that.

the 2% i believed in is but a myth none of the regs seem able to hit that anymore and now 1.4- 1.6% is a very good win rate.

Ideally I want to hit the middle level games by the end of may because that would put me on good pace to get SN. I think it unlikely to get SNE this year but with hard work volume and patience maybe getting a few hundred thousand vvps and an extra milestone or two bonus would be achievable. putting me in a good position to push for SNE in 2016.

My issue is How do I motivate myself against the wild swings, when I know SNE could be scrapped entirely by year end of greatly reduced and UK could face a change that could kill the games in just a few months.

this is not saying that will happen but I realize the possibility and its hard to push on when I know it could all be for nothing. sure a few thousand pound extra may not seem for nothing but I would still be stuck doing the same job etc and living the same life style. I guess I could put it down on a mortgage but in reality with what I know about the economy and math I view a mortgage to be on level with day trading in terms of risk. if I could get to the point where mortgage is cheaper then rent then its a no brainier but otherwise its reckless.

so my ultimate point is how to motivate myself and keep level when I fear changes that could kill it and the swings are so brutal?
 
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alexis8888

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You take it too serously. POker's just a game.
 
Mr Sandbag

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Vague post, but it sounds like the non-poker side of your life is a mess. Get that in order first. It's going to be nearly impossible to deal with poker mentally if you unhappy or really stressed out off the tables. Poker isn't a solution to life problems.
 
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LukeSilver

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Vague post, but it sounds like the non-poker side of your life is a mess. Get that in order first. It's going to be nearly impossible to deal with poker mentally if you unhappy or really stressed out off the tables. Poker isn't a solution to life problems.

there are two things only in my post in which you could make that assumption from if not point out else where enlighten me so to speak.

1. the statement of people seeing me as a loser or wanting to take advantage of me.

This will not go away i am on the autistic specturm and thus have always been socially weak. I would say very few of my friends through out my life have ever had any other intentions then just using me for what they can get.

a lot of people like to look down on me and feel better then me and degrade me etc.

This is something that a lot of autistic people go through and will not stop regardless of weather I make millions from poker or any other source.

It would mean I would no longer have to stay in a job that was degrading me and would have the option to walk away which would be nice.

However Poker could not fix that issue it could only reduce it if I got successful enough at it.

2. the Mortgage comment I can see How since I did not fully explain that So briefly My financial situation is healthy but not secure. I will explain further to avoid confusion. I am not financially secure in the sense that I could quit work or find that finances is not something I have to think about.

However I have enough funds to keep me going for 2-3 months should I lose my job tomorrow.

when I compare a mortgage to day trading I mean that statement to apply for nearly everyone. The entire global economy is built upon interest on loaned money that never existed in the first place.

Whilst its not hugely exceptional, to do this but it is unusual I have obsessed with the idea of money before I was even ten. I was making spread sheets and doing calculations for if I put X amount of money away each year, and earned an interest rate of P etc how much money would I have after Y years.

the results were powerful and surprising. The economy is built upon debt and the repayment of that debt with interest compounding. the debt is growing exponentially.

I have also studied history related to this when other governments have done similar things EG the Romans diluted coins etc. I dont want to go into huge detail here because I do believe thats something that should go in another thread.

I will just say though the last position you want to find yourself in is in debt when the bubble bursts.

Whilst I do not endorse and am highly critical of all religions one thing I strongly agree with Muslims on is that interest Is flat out bad.

I have spoken to an Islamic colleague at work today about how Islamic Finance works it is interesting and I think should I get a mortgage I would probably prefer to do it by Islamic Finance. Although I will actually look at figures when that is relevant.
 
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