If you want some honest advice on where to look to improve, I'd say you can find it in one player, Lucky Chewy. Maybe even Tom Marchese most of the time. You used to be able to say that Negreanu helped "champion" the notion of small ball/pot control to control variance, but he has obviously adjusted his strategy, generally speaking, in recent years.
So back to Chewy. Watch his win at WPT Alpha 8 Las Vegas. Luckily for you, he was on the feature table most of the time through to the final table (after his initial bust out). He always opted for the lower variance route of check/calling rather than leading out, check/raising, and other pot building options. He balanced his range beautifully by doing this when he seemed to believe he had the best of it as well as when he seemed to think he needed to improve. If you watch the entire footage, he did this with the stone cold nuts and he did it needing a gutshot, a pretty wide range.
(Caveat and spoiler alert: He also did this with 35 fh vs Rast's A5 fh and doubled him up one of the few times that the pot got out of his control)
So if you can emulate this style, you should be able to reduce your variance and avoid getting trapped (or even sucked out on) in huge pots. Granted, he was playing a high roller deep stacked live tourney vs the best of the best. But, if you can avoid the minefield of shove-happy donkeyfest online and focus on limiting your risk as best you can, you'll probably find it much more enjoyable. If the cards don't come for you like they did for Chewy you may still feel a sting. But with this adjustment in your approach the sting might only be about 25% as bad as it would have been previously.
My $0.02, and not surprisingly, advice I never intend to follow myself. I prefer the high variance route because in tournaments I shoot for 1st, in ring games I shoot to STACK my opponents, and overall I balance my range through aggression to keep them guessing and maximizing my value when I need/want to get paid off.