Well dude, in your post i can see a lot of things that are blocking your mind in my opinion...
First one you need to trust in some method to improve your skills and your way of playng poker!
Second one, have you ever invest some time styding poker? If you're playing about 6 years and you think you dont know to play, i think you should take some books, articles or even videos (last step in my opinion), and invest your time (60/40 - studying/playing) on the beggining and then (30/70 - studying/playing). You really need to study to get skilled, no one grow up skilled, they need to learn with the best players.
Third one, probably you dont have patience, in that case, you should try to do a BR without deposit, just try to do a challenge to you, like 150$ just with freerolls
. You said you lose every penny you deposit, so dont waste more until you get skilled. You need to training your patience.
Last one, if you aren't feel like to play poker, please dont play poker, just study in that moments or just take a break for some days or hours till you get motivated again. It is really important you are motivated, or you fall down in your golas. Make little challenges and try to get them.
I hope it helps dude! It is just my opinion, probably some people can not agree with me but i did that and i already have a nice BR without depositing...
Make challenges to yourself, get your goals!