Ask Mental Game Coach Jared Tendler

Hi everyone!

I’m not sure how many of you know me, or are familiar with mental game coaching/poker psychology, so in talking with your faithful leader Debi (Dakota-xx), we decided the best way to introduce me to all of you is to briefly describe what I do, how it can help you, and then open up this thread to any questions you have.

As a coach to over 125 poker players from 19 countries, my work is solely focused on the mental game. Although I’m a fish in most of the games that all of you play, I understand poker players and the challenges all of you face well enough to know how to help you play better. That means not only eliminating or reducing issues like, tilt, anxiety, motivation, focus, decision making, and confidence, but also helping you increase the number of tables/hours you play, learn poker more efficiently, and consistently play in the Zone.

The key difference between what I do, and other psychological approaches you may be familiar with, is that my program draws from a wide variety of sources to create a logical and practical approach to the mental game that is exactly the same as how you’d approach learning poker. The reality is that everything in the mental game can be rational and orderly; though that’s rarely how it feels.

Drawing from my own experience as a former pro golfer, my master’s degree in psychology, 4 years of work in traditional counseling, 3 years working as a mental game coach to golfers, tennis, and football players, and now with poker players for the past 3 years, I’ve created a program not only unique to poker, but within all of sport psychology. It’s based on science, novel use of old theory, new theories I’ve created, a ton of direct experience and practical solutions.

If you’d like to know more about me, my work, read client testimonials, or to be among the first to be notified when my pokers psychology book is available, visit my website: jaredtendlerpoker.com.

I recently posted a guest blog on partypoker titled, “6 Reasons Why Poker Psychology Matters in Poker,” that gives an overview of some of the major areas of the mental game and my take on them.

I’m happy to be here, and I look forward to answering your mental game questions in this thread.

Jared

Wow, welcome Jared.

OK I have a question on tilt.

I do not tilt all that much, bad beats dont effect me too much, I dismiss them fairly easily. However I do sometimes get moments of tilt.

THe scenatrio is usually this.

I am multi-tabling

Suddenly I get bet 3-bet and shoved on every which way on multiple tables. This may go on for 5 minutes or so. I know that the players arent all suddenly picking that point to play back at me. Its far more likely that I'm just running into a lot of good hands all at once.

However after I have hit fold for the 12th time, I do find myself becoming more emotionally involved than normal and this leads to me making poor calls (we arent talking absolutely mind blowingly silly calls, but calls that I wouldnt usually make.. obviously I have a hand.. but under normal circumstances I would fold, I'm sure of it).

How can I get better at dealing with this?

Thanks Jared! I will have some questions for you over the next few days.

To the forum - we are very fortunate that Jared is willing to spend some time here discussing a part of playing poker that almost all of us have some kind of issues with. I don't think we have ever had an opportunity like this to have someone of his caliber available to assist us in this area.

So - ask away!

Welcome to CardsChat Jared. I don't have a question off the top of my head but will give it some thought. I just wanted to say Hi.

Welcome to CardsChat, Jared! No questions here, yet.. but I'll think of some

Welcome to CC. Very exciting to have you be apart of the forum.

My question...

I have very little time to play and learn poker. This means my downswings can last a very long time. I love to play poker a lot but can get very frustrated after a couple losing months as I can usually only get about 1-2k hands in a month and its easy to have a 2k hand downswing. What do you suggest to combat the frustration with knowing that its a "long run" game?

Welcome Jared. The first I heard of you was here years ago from ChuckTs (Clean on Stox) so I knew that you had something of value.


I have perhaps an odd question, but one that's been on my mind lately.

Losing is important to poker; without losing and randomness and chance the bad players wouldn't continue to play. But is there an attitude or approach that we can work towards that enables us to accept and even desire losing simply because we acknowledge that it is so important to the game itself?

Welcome Jared. I used to watch your vids repeatedly when you were at Stox. Great to have you here.

1st: Are you now at Drag the Bar?

2nd: Like I said I've watched your videos and they are great but I find myself falling back into old, bad habits when it comes to tilt. What's your best tip to make someone, like me, finally "get it". Is there any hope of being a former tilter or is it like being an addict, will I always just be "in recovery"?

3rd: What's the expected release date on the book?

I can't do it right now but I'm relieved to know that when I can articulate the question of what's up with my attitude, I have a place to do it.

Welcome to Cardschat, Jared. I have no questions at this moment, but I will have some soon. I've only been playing poker since June 2009 so I'm still learning. Thanks so much for your help! MM

Welcome sir, as someone with limited free time, any advice on efficient learning would be greatly appreciated.



Kudos Debi, for getting Jared here.

Welcome to CC Jared!

I have a good feel for how to control my "arrrrrgggggghhhh" tilt - I don't get all that upset by bad beats, and I know to stop playing when I do get irritated.

I do, however, have an issue where I lack confidence in downswings. I know it affects my game, and I will do some simple things to try to psych myself up before sitting at the tables - but I don't think I'm approaching it all that well. Thoughts? Tks!

Hey Jared
How should one deal with web links that take one to a golf site instead of a poker site??
TTTTTTIIIIIIILLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Stu_Ungar said:

Wow, welcome Jared.

OK I have a question on tilt.

I do not tilt all that much, bad beats dont effect me too much, I dismiss them fairly easily. However I do sometimes get moments of tilt.

THe scenatrio is usually this.

I am multi-tabling

Suddenly I get bet 3-bet and shoved on every which way on multiple tables. This may go on for 5 minutes or so. I know that the players arent all suddenly picking that point to play back at me. Its far more likely that I'm just running into a lot of good hands all at once.

However after I have hit fold for the 12th time, I do find myself becoming more emotionally involved than normal and this leads to me making poor calls (we arent talking absolutely mind blowingly silly calls, but calls that I wouldnt usually make.. obviously I have a hand.. but under normal circumstances I would fold, I'm sure of it).

How can I get better at dealing with this?

Click to expand...

Hi Stu,

You bring up a really important type of tilt that usually flies under a lot of player's radar because it's so subtle. The key thing to realize is that tilt exists along a spectrum, and even at it's lowest levels is a problem - it's great you see it that way.

To answer your question I need a little more information first. What is it about getting played back at in that moment that is so frustrating for you? I ask that no necessarily logically, but in that moment when you've hit fold for the 12th time, what specifically has you annoyed? How much of the problem (if any) is related to having to make a lot of tough decisions at once?

Jared

PooffyFooffy said:

Welcome to CardsChat Jared. I don't have a question off the top of my head but will give it some thought. I just wanted to say Hi.

Click to expand...

Mortis said:

Welcome to CardsChat, Jared! No questions here, yet.. but I'll think of some

Click to expand...

Lilli3 said:

I can't do it right now but I'm relieved to know that when I can articulate the question of what's up with my attitude, I have a place to do it.

Click to expand...

Maid Marian said:

Welcome to Cardschat, Jared. I have no questions at this moment, but I will have some soon. I've only been playing poker since June 2009 so I'm still learning. Thanks so much for your help! MM

Click to expand...

Thanks everyone for the welcome! I'm here when questions come to mind.

Jared Tendler said:

Hi Stu,

You bring up a really important type of tilt that usually flies under a lot of player's radar because it's so subtle. The key thing to realize is that tilt exists along a spectrum, and even at it's lowest levels is a problem - it's great you see it that way.

To answer your question I need a little more information first. What is it about getting played back at in that moment that is so frustrating for you? I ask that no necessarily logically, but in that moment when you've hit fold for the 12th time, what specifically has you annoyed? How much of the problem (if any) is related to having to make a lot of tough decisions at once?

Jared

Click to expand...

Hi Jarad

Thanks for getting back on this one.

I'm not 100% sure how to explain it.

I think the number of decisions is a huge factor because it tends to happen more with 10 tables than 6, I guess my concentration is being stretched at that point so a sudden influx of difficult decisions isnt good.

I dont know why I'm going to say the next bit because I dont want to send you off in the wrong direction. So dont take what I say next as being 100% correct. Its just my perception.

I think that it is triggering a flight / fight response. I find my hands shake a little, and I have a sensation that I think is an increase in adrenaline. Visually whites seem whiter.. its very hard to explain but its a feeling I associate with adrenaline.

brank said:

Welcome to CC. Very exciting to have you be apart of the forum.

My question...

I have very little time to play and learn poker. This means my downswings can last a very long time. I love to play poker a lot but can get very frustrated after a couple losing months as I can usually only get about 1-2k hands in a month and its easy to have a 2k hand downswing. What do you suggest to combat the frustration with knowing that its a "long run" game?

Click to expand...

Poker is a long term game, and the primary way that you'll have success in the long-term is based on the quality of your game. Certainly the quality of the games counts for a lot, but since you can't control that in the long-term, nor the cards at any time, to combat the frustration you have to focus on the one thing you can control - the quality of your play, and the quality of your improvement.

Players who play much more volume than you struggle with this same issue and the best way to combat it is to have good data about how you've improved as a player during that time. Something that isn't anywhere as easy to quantify as results, but can be done with some work.

When you know the weak parts of your game, you can evaluate after your sessions how you did in those spots. To make it easier to review you can mark those hands, and then afterwards see how you did. Then track a general sense of how you played for the session (completely separate from results) and how well you were able to improve. You can also be looking at hands where you were faced with a tough decision and made the right one, or hands where you picked up on something and made the right read. So often these small positives are ignored and by recognizing them, along with how you're playing and improving, you have something to feel good about in your game even when the results aren't there.

Keep in mind I'm not advocating that you fake anything. I'm suggesting you pay closer attention and track parts of your game often ignored. And this is also a skill that you'll get better at, so stick with it, and not only will you improve your emotional reactions as a player, you'll also improve your actual poker ability.

NineLions said:

Welcome Jared. The first I heard of you was here years ago from ChuckTs (Clean on Stox) so I knew that you had something of value.


I have perhaps an odd question, but one that's been on my mind lately.

Losing is important to poker; without losing and randomness and chance the bad players wouldn't continue to play. But is there an attitude or approach that we can work towards that enables us to accept and even desire losing simply because we acknowledge that it is so important to the game itself?

Click to expand...

Cool to hear you've heard of me through him, he's a great guy.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that you desire losing, but I think I know where you're head is at in thinking about this. If I'm correct, you're asking what the right attitude is to have towards losing?

The question I have for you is, why do you have trouble losing?

The answer that question and I can share more. There isn't a magic bullet that's the best way all players should think about losing. Your post suggests that you understand logically why losing is important, but there's a part of you that won't accept it and I'm guessing reacts negatively when you do. There a wide range of reason for why players react to losing and with a bit more info on it for you, I can help you solve it.

slycbnew said:

I do, however, have an issue where I lack confidence in downswings. I know it affects my game

Click to expand...

I would like to know how to deal with this as well. I have the same thing after a couple bad beats or just when running bad. I then find myself playing way too passive.

WVHillbilly said:

Welcome Jared. I used to watch your vids repeatedly when you were at Stox. Great to have you here.

1st: Are you now at Drag the Bar?

2nd: Like I said I've watched your videos and they are great but I find myself falling back into old, bad habits when it comes to tilt. What's your best tip to make someone, like me, finally "get it". Is there any hope of being a former tilter or is it like being an addict, will I always just be "in recovery"?

3rd: What's the expected release date on the book?

Click to expand...

Glad to hear you enjoyed the videos, yes I am at Drag the Bar now.

The best tip to give you is to stop believing there is a magic solution to tilt that will finally make you get it. Yes, it is possible for you to get to a point where you don't have to work so hard from falling off the wagon, and actually say that you are tilt free. Getting there is a process that takes having the right information not only to solve the problem (your reason for tilt).

Admittedly, my program is now miles ahead of what I was putting out on Stoxpoker. At the time, I was giving the best of what I had - something I've always tried to do. Just like anyone who works hard at something, I know a lot more. Writing the book is a big part of that, and I'm seeing many more intricacies that make huge differences to help players get to the point where they can actually solve these problems for good. Though one of the consequences of solving problems is that if you then continue to improve - new problems are guaranteed to show up. That's just how it goes. If you improve and create a new peak for yourself, that means you've just also created new relative weakness.

I say all that, because part of the reason you may not have been able to totally solve the Tilt prob is you haven't had all the right info. I can't guarantee that I have all the answers now, but I sure as hell know I'm far better able to than before. So feel free to post a bit on your tilt prob.

I don't have a release date set yet. I've set them a couple times before, and at this point I know enough to know that I'm no good at predicting this yet. As my first book, and one that I'm self-publishing, along will all the other things I have going on, it's just too hard to tell. My goal is to be able to have a release date before I head to the wsop the end of June. If that happens the book should be out by the end of the summer. Thanks for asking about it.

Kenzie 96 said:

Welcome sir, as someone with limited free time, any advice on efficient learning would be greatly appreciated.



Kudos Debi, for getting Jared here.

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Hey Kenzie,

Simple answer is be organized about what you are working on. There may be new mistakes you see each time you play, but EVERY time you play you want to be focused on making certain that your greatest weaknesses/mistakes don't show up. That means having a list of them that you review every time you play, and then when your done, review those spots to ensure you played correctly, and why (just to further reinforce it - even if obvious), and if not, write out why you made the mistake again.

The reason is that by continually focusing on eliminating these mistakes eliminated from your game, you are efficient in constantly eliminating your worst. When that happens, you have trained the correction to the level where it's become instinctual - and not longer requires thought. It's automatic. When it's automatic, that means you're free to use that mental energy/focus on something new - the next mistake. The automatic by product of this is also that your best play will naturally climb higher - you'll automatically start seeing new things, or understanding concepts from videos or forum posts better.

slycbnew said:

Welcome to CC Jared!

I have a good feel for how to control my "arrrrrgggggghhhh" tilt - I don't get all that upset by bad beats, and I know to stop playing when I do get irritated.

I do, however, have an issue where I lack confidence in downswings. I know it affects my game, and I will do some simple things to try to psych myself up before sitting at the tables - but I don't think I'm approaching it all that well. Thoughts? Tks!

Click to expand...

Thanks Sly!


This post I made to Brank is part of the answer for you too: https://www.cardschat.com/forum/lea...-coach-jared-tendler-176157/post-1478228.html.

To get to the rest though, like I've offered to others here, requires more information from you first. You say that you lack confidence - how do you know it? Do you have questions in your mind about your game? If so, what are they? Do you get negative or worry about the future or goals that you have? As specific as you can be what is it about a downswing that causes you to lose confidence?

Psyching yourself up before sessions is a decent short-term solution, but it's not something that can actually fix the problem. Once we understand the cause, the solution gets much easier.

wetyeti said:

Hey Jared
How should one deal with web links that take one to a golf site instead of a poker site??
TTTTTTIIIIIIILLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Click to expand...

I would first ask myself how it's possible that someone who clearly took some time writing this post could possibly make an error like that! Then since I'm a nice guy, I'd let them know of the mistake so whatever the reason, they would have a chance to fix it without going too long.

Thanks for doing that

Here's the correct link: jaredtendlerpoker.com

PooffyFooffy said:

I would like to know how to deal with this as well. I have the same thing after a couple bad beats or just when running bad. I then find myself playing way too passive.

Click to expand...

In building on my post to Sly, what is it about bad beats or running bad that affects your confidence?

While you both have a similar problem, the cause may be different.

Hello Jared... welcome to the forum. I heard you on Cash Plays with Jermiah Smith and I was impressed. I have a problem with tilt. I will build a decent bankroll playing poker tournaments only to decide to play cash games for a change. I will take a few bad beats or run bad for a while, and then... BAM!!! I'm playing all kinds of crappy hands and tilting away my bankroll. This is very destructive!! I've considered having FullTilt and pokerstars block me from playing cash games. How can I get beyond this problem. I am profitable in live cash games, but online I seem to go on tilt pretty quickly.