Too Much Poker?

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Boobear

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My fiancee has always played poker. He practically grew up in the casinos(his dad's got a gambli g addiction)..but ever since he chose to take an early retirement at the age of 51...he plays almost every day. House games all week long and then to the casinos on the weekend. Lately he'll lie about what he's up to and will go to the casino intead if seeing me..we live 2 hours away and have always spent every weekend together .
Now I'm lucky if I get to see him a few hours on a sat or Sunday and if we are together he's online playing.
His moods are starting to get out of control as well..im really getting worried. I don't know what to do.
 
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SlavaUa

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I don't know what to say in such situation, but first of all you have to talk what do you need in you lifes, you both need to make decision.
 
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TheDude1

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Maybe you should both seem someone.
 
demibar

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it's not about poker isn't it? You'll need to find solutions like cohabitation . Usually when we are a long time in a relationship we do not have the same interest for our partner that is normal ,maybe you should think seriously if you need all of that
 
TheNutz4You

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I'd go to him with your concerns, see if he is willing to change his ways. if he is not, and you are not willing to deal with it any longer, then you have your answer. Blunt and to the point but its a black and white situation imo
 
2NaCl

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Seems like a really serious situation, you should maybe reach further support and both make an appointment with a consultant. Have you tried telling him about how you feel and how you dislike his over the limit gambling habits? Don't let him get to you!
 
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Seems like a really serious situation, you should maybe reach further support and both make an appointment with a consultant. Have you tried telling him about how you feel and how you dislike his over the limit gambling habits? Don't let him get to you!


He won't go see a counselor. I have asked him.before. I have told him how I feel but he scoffs and says this is how he makes $$ and i need to deal with it.
I don't care that he plays poker / gambles..but when it interested with family time then I have a problem.
Yesterday was Mother's day ..i celebrated with my kids on Saturday..so I would be alone on Mother's day..he decided he had to go back to the casino for 8 hours to play poker again. He was just there all day and my on Saturday. It makes me feel sad, unwanted and worthless when he does this but he just says I'm complaining.
I can't even go to a friend's house for 2 hoihouse without him getting mad but when he plays it is okay. I dont get it
I
 
TheNutz4You

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Seems like a really serious situation, you should maybe reach further support and both make an appointment with a consultant. Have you tried telling him about how you feel and how you dislike his over the limit gambling habits? Don't let him get to you!

Spot on! He may not know how much his gambling is affecting your relationship. When poker players get into a habbit of playing that much, it becomes second nature, he may be in a zone where he does not realize how much he is actually not around because of poker.

My suggestion is first step bring your concerns to him front and center. Do not sugar coat it or beat around the bush. Tell him exactly what you think and how you feel, see what his response is. Maybe offer a compromise that you both find acceptable and hold him to it.

Now if he truly has a severe gambling addiction, then getting him help is your only option, short of leaving him.
 
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Boobear

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Spot on! He may not know how much his gambling is affecting your relationship. When poker players get into a habbit of playing that much, it becomes second nature, he may be in a zone where he does not realize how much he is actually not around because of poker.

My suggestion is first step bring your concerns to him front and center. Do not sugar coat it or beat around the bush. Tell him exactly what you think and how you feel, see what his response is. Maybe offer a compromise that you both find acceptable and hold him to it.

Now if he truly has a severe gambling addiction, then getting him help is your only option, short of leaving him.

I have told him about my concerns with the time spends playing since he's retired last November. He told me that there's plenty of time for me and i should stop complainig.
Take today for instance....i go to work...he gets up n heads to the casino around 10 and won't be hime til.8 or 9..i am home at 4:30. I'm usually tired and in bed by 10 so I do t seer him.much..then he complains that I go to bed too early.
He was just at the casino all day/nt sat n Sunday.
And the whole week last week.. ( T, W,Th,Fri) he was playing at house games from.7pm to 1 or 2 am.
I saw him a total.of 4 hours in 6 days
 
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Boobear

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Poker priorities

So, I think this is the last straw.
He's been at the casino for the last 6 days and last nt decided to ditch his 6 year old son (he only gets him Wednesdays for 3 hours) today to play in a tournament at a different casino 2 hours away..
Lol.. his priorities are definitely messed up.
His loss.
 
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You both need to sit down and discuss the way each of you are feeling. You could also try getting independent advice. If you can't reach a compromise I feel there is little point in continuing the relationship. Good luck anyway.
 
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I already asked him to go talk to someone with me.
He refused. I just feel bad for his son.
 
TheNutz4You

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So, I think this is the last straw.
He's been at the casino for the last 6 days and last nt decided to ditch his 6 year old son (he only gets him Wednesdays for 3 hours) today to play in a tournament at a different casino 2 hours away..
Lol.. his priorities are definitely messed up.
His loss.

What does he say when you bring the issue up to him? Gambling addiction is a disease and can RUIN peoples lives before they ever realize it. The fact that he would rather go play poker than see his son the 1 day a week he can is down right inexcusable, and a sign that he is deep into his addiction.

You are going to have to decide for yourself if this is something you are willing to work on with him. See if he is willing to cut it back to maybe a day or 2 max a week.

All you can do is try to help him get better, but if he is unwilling to try to help himself, then you are at a crossroad. either deal with his addiction, or end the relationship and move on. We all know how tough it can be to leave someone you prolly love, but it's for the better for you and him. Maybe you leaving will be a wake up call for him. I'm doubtful that it will, seeing as he would rather play poker than see his son, but worth thinking about.
 
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I do love him...but he flat our told me he will never stop playing and that he knows he's addicted.
He's gotten 1000x worse since he took an early retirement. Now playing cards consumes him.. He was at the casino on Mother's day instead of being with his mom then ditched his son..not acceptable to me.
He's been emotionally abusive as well...time to get out. Ideally appreciate tour advice and feedback..i feel lost:-((
 
demibar

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I do love him...but he flat our told me he will never stop playing and that he knows he's addicted.
He's gotten 1000x worse since he took an early retirement. Now playing cards consumes him.. He was at the casino on Mother's day instead of being with his mom then ditched his son..not acceptable to me.
He's been emotionally abusive as well...time to get out. Ideally appreciate tour advice and feedback..i feel lost:-((

it's always good to support people we love and care in your case maybe you should care about you and stay away from him, I am sure you have feelings for him but he don't care about others right now . However he must ask himself for help he lose moments and people he love .
P.S don't feel bad about yourself move on
 
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I will. Thank you for the advice .very much appreciated!!
 
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Never Enough

I personally like every moment I can play poker.
 
TheNutz4You

TheNutz4You

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I personally like every moment I can play poker.

There is a difference between playing when we want and playing when you should. If he is missing important days because he is to consumed by poker, then that is not good. Offer to get him help, if he says no then I'm sorry but you know what you need to do.
 
gocho2009

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It happened to me exactly the same! Only that the poker player was me ... and I had a gambling addiction problem ... if you want some advice ... confront it, let him know about your worries, tell him that if he agrees to go to a specialist, Let him know that you do it because you love him! If he accepts already half of the problem ... if he does not accept ... you run away from that relationship
 
TheNutz4You

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It's hard to admit he has a problem, but that is a huge step in beating this addiction. It's no different than a drug addiction as it consumes his life, all his time and money goes to his addiction. He needs professional help, offer your love to him and the offer of pro help. he must accept or you have to end the relationship. Maybe that is what he needs to see rock bottom. because it is only going to get worse.
 
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I will try one more time and talk to him. I hope it works this time because he is on the verge of losing his son and me.
I totally get that he loves to play and I never minded it but it's really getting out of control when the game consumes ALL of your time. If he is not willing to see this and cut back and make his family a priority...then I'm done.
 
ezgift

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Naturally, this is a game addiction, like alcohol or drugs ... I think it's worth talking to doctors
 
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My fiancee has always played poker. He practically grew up in the casinos(his dad's got a gambli g addiction)..but ever since he chose to take an early retirement at the age of 51...he plays almost every day. House games all week long and then to the casinos on the weekend. Lately he'll lie about what he's up to and will go to the casino intead if seeing me..we live 2 hours away and have always spent every weekend together .
Now I'm lucky if I get to see him a few hours on a sat or Sunday and if we are together he's online playing.
His moods are starting to get out of control as well..im really getting worried. I don't know what to do.


If the problem is that he does not have enough excitement, adrenaline - then this dependence, which unfortunately a person does not recognize but only exacerbates and only one way out - forced treatment. If the whole thing is money, namely that he set a goal and can not achieve it - try to help him, indicate the mistakes. Although without the help of a specialist - you hardly solve this problem, and I tell you all this either as a person who just wants to express an opinion, but as a person who has gone through it.
 
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