Tilt - When it's not you

In a number of threads I've seen, we mostly discuss about our own tilt issues - how we manage it, what gets us on tilt, etc.

What if you're in a room playing online with a bunch of friends (all different tables and different sites etc) and one of them just got bad beat or cooler, how would you react?

I guess if it's with friends you can just say "crap happens" or "blame the variance" and move on. But if it's your significant other and you want to be a bit more empathetic and less of a cold-hearted b*tch?

What would you say or do?



* Should this post have been in the Player's Lounge? It's poker-related but not exactly poker-related. :/

You really can't do much unless they ask for help.

If someone is hellbent to be in a shit mood then all you do is make it worse with too much commenting.

i would treat my signifcant other the same way that i would treat my friends or cc mates.

typically when people get busted on a hand or begin going on tilt my method is trying to reason with them about the hand.

it helps to talk about what you may have done wrong or if you played it perfectly and the person just made a bad call.

i tend to see that help people that i talk about poker with.

Creepy Jackalope said:

You really can't do much unless they ask for help.

If someone is hellbent to be in a shit mood then all you do is make it worse with too much commenting.

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I don't comment because I know it will just make the situation worse. Or I'll just be extremely careful with what I say. Most times I don't really want to say anything and hope to give him some time to cool off and then talk to him but during those times my non-communication comes across as not being supportive or simply ignoring.

And I've even asked what kind of response should be expected of me but he doesn't know so that gets frustrating!

bkniefel said:

i would treat my signifcant other the same way that i would treat my friends or cc mates.

typically when people get busted on a hand or begin going on tilt my method is trying to reason with them about the hand.

it helps to talk about what you may have done wrong or if you played it perfectly and the person just made a bad call.

i tend to see that help people that i talk about poker with.

Click to expand...

I have been doing that and then watching the replays. I've told him about variance and he knows that too - sometimes bad beats and coolers just happen and there's nothing much that we can do about it but to just solder on.

Thanks guys for your replies and advice. Thought this post would have been snowed under during the holidays

Sometimes nothing will help, best you can do is acknowledge the situation, "wow, that sucks" etc. and let them figure it out on their own terms.

Don't say anything, I wait for my friends to cool off then we talk about it. I know sometimes when I'm in the situation I get frustrated at times and don't want to hear anything lol

I, myself, have never been able to solve this particular riddle. I have a female friend who has a strong understanding of both the pshycological and mathematical aspects of the game. She is a skilled player, knowing when to keep it simple, when to switch gears, and when and how to apply pressure. She loves talking the game with other knowledgeable players almost as much as playing it. In spite of all of this, she still has a tendency to become emotional after suffering bad beats. When I say emotional, I mean she gets pissed!

I've tried pretty much everything to help her deal with it. I've tried sympathy and empathy. I've tried using the logic that you want people making bad calls and getting their chips in light against you, because you will win the majority of the time. I've done the hand analysis that leads to the conclusion that the other player made a horrible play and got lucky. I've tried to assure her that playing a hand as well she can is best that she can do. I've even tried to be real with her and tell her that her relentlessly aggressive style is sometimes going to prompt players to try to take a stand and play back at her when they think she might just be running a table over. Yeah, I agree, that wasn't the best approach. I've tried the say nothing, and just be the sympathetic ear approach. Of course you know how that one goes. I'm eventually going to be told to "say something".

Here's the kicker. She's a very smart person. So it's not like I'm telling her things that she doesn't already know. Sometimes you just can't help feeling the way you feel, even when you know that it's not going to solve anything. She's actually in awe of my ability to take bad beats in stride. Unfortunately, it's not something that I can teach someone else. I can explain my reasoning for not letting it get to me, but I can't make it sink in. Only time can do that. And that time is different for everyone.

Sometimes the best I can do is to say that I understand, but am not going to tolerate that shitty mood. That may seem harsh, but it's like starting an egg timer. Before too long, she will be apologizing for her mood. And then we can move on to agreeing that yes it was a horrible hand to call a raise with, yes he is a lucky bastard and the worst player ever, and probably won't last out the blind level.

IntenseHeat, thanks so much for that. In fact, I agree with you wholeheartedly.

I get emotional and angry too when I'm getting badbeat and I am no fantastic poker player, barely even average.

Whilst I wasn't blatant and straight with the whole shitty attitude, I said I understand what's happening and where he's coming from and I can empathize. I'm really glad though that once he's cooled down, he apologizes and then we're all ok. Just that in that moment itself when it happens, I find myself like a deer in the headlights just trying to find a way that can help defuse the situation, make him feel understood and also loved, and yet be firm with reminding him that these tough and painful situations happen but I know that we all manage through it because it's poker and it comes with the package.