Poker Poems by Johnny Too Bad

J

Johnny Too Bad

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Tell me one of your tells and I'll tell you one of mine.
When you know you can't be beaten, do you send out a sign?
When you lie do you believe that no one will suspect?
Do you have a habit that your opponents can detect?

Do you pause without a cause? Strategic hesitation?
Do you blink or give a wink? A facial reflexation?
Do you glare and pull your hair, when you're in consternation?
Make a sneer and scratch your ear, without consideration?

Tell me one of your tells and I'll tell you one of mine.
When the Flop has missed your hand, do you tend to resign?
When the one you're dreaming of descends upon the River,
Are you solid as a rock, or do you start to quiver?

Do you shake, begin to quake, when under observation?
Do you stutter and, or mutter a vocal incantation?
Do you shout and dance about as if in celebration?
Laugh out loud when you are proud, a form of exaltation?

Tell me one of your tells and I'll tell you one of mine.
When your game has come apart, do you step out of line?
Are you the type to hem and haw when you intend to raise?
When you lay your cards down, do you go into a daze?

Do you flinch or move an inch, to give an indication?
Do you place your hands to face when on a calculation?
Do you grin and wag your chin, in hope of obfuscation?
Hold your breath and feign your death, caught in a situation?

If it's my aim to win at this game, it will take some dedication.
If I can't read you, how can I expect remuneration?
Can I discern or hope to learn much from your face of stone?
If I can't tell what your tells are...how can I tell my own?
If I can't tell what your tells are...how can I tell my own?
__________________
JTB
 
ckickenking

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A poem? Nice job, never heard a poker poem before
 
MediaBLITZ

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Um, okay - this WAS one of mine (and it's a classic) - I get a monster hand and I would disconnect from the table - act totally uninterested. It was ridiculously obvious - just looking around the room doing the "La, la, la... No point in being in this hand" thing. A buddy/coach caught me on that one and let me know about it.
Just the other day I caught one on my own. When I shove with the nuts I give a very non-chalant wave of my hand while saying, "All in".
 
TheKAAHK

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Diggin' the intro!

Welcome to CardsChat!
 
Vollycat

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Nice! Very creative. I tried to make a poker poem once, but I kept running out of words that rhymed with 'trucker' and 'slammit'. I'm not that creative though.
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

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Aces Cracked !

Aces cracked! I can't believe it's happening again.
What do I have to do to stop reliving all this pain?
I raise pre-flop, I always do, but I can't get them out,
These fish believe that "any two" will make them cheer and shout.

Aces cracked! That's twice tonight, they're messing with my head.
I'm tired and I can't concentrate, I should be home in bed.
They never seem to hold up for me, I don't understand,
The books I've read all told me that they are a winning hand.

Aces cracked! No, not again! Please, let them win one time.
To fold your little pair to my three-bets is not a crime.
And if you think that 6-5 off is worth the price to see,
No need to doubt it, I am sure you'll flop a straight on me.

Aces cracked! It's no surprise. I've lost with them before,
I should just fold them up like rags, instead of raising more.
I'll use the time to chill out, go and fix myself a cup.
The next time that they're dealt to me, I'm folding them face up.

JTB
 
Vollycat

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More poemage...

I'll try to add my insight of years of play.

Aces cracked.
It happens.

Shoot it didn't rhyme.

(but I give 100% props to your rhyme man...WELL DONE!!)
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

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Message to a Young Gun

The Young Gun thinks he knows the score, he's got it all worked out,
Been up and down the street awhile, he knows what it's about.
With mom and dad to pay the rent, and put gas in the car,
He multi-tables online, dreaming it will take him far.

With new sites springing up each day, and raking every hand,
You'd think he'd gain a clue of what this industry has planned.
With rake-back deals the bonus whore may think he has the edge.
He doesn't realize he's blindly walking on a ledge.

They're wiser folk than you and I, of this there is no doubt.
And they won't even bat an eye when your cash pool drains out.
They'll chew you up and spit you out, and then they'll go for more,
It won't take long to find them, they're all lined up at the door.

So, Young Gun, open up your eyes and take a look around.
The goose that lays the golden egg is nowhere to be found.
The on-line game can be some fun, that's what it ought to be.
Don't for a single moment dream that it's a money tree.

Now, if you have a run of luck, take it for all it's worth.
But don't believe your skill is like the miracle of birth.
When some run hot, some must run cold. It's all a give and take.
The biggest winner in the end is he who wields the rake.__________________
JTB
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Tammy

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Let's keep all the poems to one thread. Thanks. :)
 
fletchdad

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CC now has its own poet.

Nice ones JTB.

I started one once but didnt get very far

One and one and one makes three
I will usually raise if folded to me............


then I realized it already suked and stopped....
 
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dan abnormal

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Young guns is a definite Hit single ya got there.
 
Worak

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Very nice !

Something short from me - a limerick - (posted that about a year ago here somewhere, or sth. similar)

There once was a LAG from Wichita
Who was on a kind of a heater.
He flopped top two pair
but to his despair
villain had a set for a beater.
 
fletchdad

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Very nice !

Something short from me - a limerick - (posted that about a year ago here somewhere, or sth. similar)

There once was a LAG from Almeada
Who was on a kind of a heater.
He flopped top two pair
but to his despair
villain had a set for a beater.

FYP ( That actually rhymes)

But to maker your city of Wichita rhyme...


There once was a LAG from Wichita
Whose wife never would wear a bra
He saw her big pair
but to his despair
Gravity won on the draw
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

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Keep all the poems to one thread?
That is total discrimination!
I will not have my works marginalized in this way.
Each story is a different and unique topic. Unlike the barrage of drivel commonly posted on sites like this.
Painstaking efforts are made to ensure that the stories are imaginative, informative and humourous. If there is not enough space on this site to include my contributions, then ask me to stop submitting and I will stop.
JTB
 
fletchdad

fletchdad

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Keep all the poems to one thread?
That is total discrimination!
I will not have my works marginalized in this way.
Each story is a different and unique topic. Unlike the barrage of drivel commonly posted on sites like this.
Painstaking efforts are made to ensure that the stories are imaginative, informative and humourous. If there is not enough space on this site to include my contributions, then ask me to stop submitting and I will stop.
JTB

I hope the dripping I hear in the background is the sarcasm.........

But, ya never know with the artist........

In the small case that I am wrong, JTB, its a poker forum. The Poets society (dead or living) is still open... I guess....... But we do keep non poker (non-strategic and so on, ya get me?) a bit reigned in. Gets too OTT otherwise.....

TBO , I like your poems and hope you keep em comin...........

AND you got your OWN thread... in YOUR NAME.....

Food for ego IMO
 
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Dwilius

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Condenses the responses and increases the attention too, keeping them near the top instead of some of them getting lost with one or two posts (different stories yes, but not different topics for thread discussions).
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

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OK D'wilius, fletchdad here's one more
Double Entente

A rounder who lived in Victoria,
Had some Bad Beat Stories to bore ya.
He pled for a loan,
You said with a groan,
"I really would rather ignore ya."

The rounder whined "I have no buy-in!"
You turned and said "Stop all your crying.
Go look for a job,
You shiftless old knob,
You won't find one if you're not trying."

The rounder said "You go to hell, mate!
I have an idea that is swell, mate."
It didn't last long,
His plan went all wrong.
He now plays "Heads Up" ...with his cellmate.
__________________
JTB
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Tammy

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Condenses the responses and increases the attention too, keeping them near the top instead of some of them getting lost with one or two posts (different stories yes, but not different topics for thread discussions).
This. Think of this as your all-clusive thread. A gallery of your works, if you will.
 
fletchdad

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OK D'wilius, fletchdad here's one more
Double Entente

A rounder who lived in Victoria,
Had some Bad Beat Stories to bore ya.
He pled for a loan,
You said with a groan,
"I really would rather ignore ya."

The rounder whined "I have no buy-in!"
You turned and said "Stop all your crying.
Go look for a job,
You shiftless old knob,
You won't find one if you're not trying."

The rounder said "You go to hell, mate!
I have an idea that is swell, mate."
It didn't last long,
His plan went all wrong.
He now plays "Heads Up" ...with his cellmate.
__________________
JTB
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:congrats:
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

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Big Time
The game of Hold'em has evolved a language of its own.
In card rooms and in home games where the seeds of slang are sown.
Some names remain, while others may have faded into dust.
Some names may last for decades and some others not, I trust.

Because it's a great starting hand, we call Ace/King "Big Slick"
For reasons I don't understand, some call Six/Nine "Big Lick"
Pocket Jacks have become "Johnnies" and "Cowboys" once were Kings.
Pocket Queens are known as "Ladies". (and sometimes as other things)

Ninety-nine is "Gretzky" and "Snowmen" are pocket Eights.
Sevens are known as "Hockey Sticks", with or without skates.
"Pocket Rockets" is the hand that everyone adores.
But small pairs don't deserve a name, least of all pocket fours.

Why is it that we haven't got a name for pocket Tens?
Are they not worthy of the time it takes? Let's make amends.
Because they have no faces, do they not deserve respect?
They are a decent pair which many players won't reject.

I've won more pots with pocket Tens than any other pair.
My "Rockets" never hold up, and I know we've all been there.
Kings, Queens and Jacks look fine until that Ace hits on the flop.
Unless you can't admit defeat, you often have to drop.

But, when I squeeze a peek at pocket Tens I get a thrill.
I never fear the three-bet, even looking up the hill.
If I don't hit one on the flop, I usually spike the turn.
The flush and straight draws don't get home, some players never learn.

So "Big Time" is the name that I have given pocket Tens.
"Big Time" is when my Hold'em prowess commonly ascends.
Lay down your Aces, Kings and Queens and Jacks and save a dime.
'cause when that Ten hits on the flop, you're goin' down..."Big Time"

JTB
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

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The game was a loose 20/40 affair,
A barrell of fish splashing chips everywhere.
There in came a Rounder with presence of mind,
He watched a full round before posting his blind.

The first hand he looked at was two handsome Jacks.
He planned to employ them to shorten some stacks.
Though none were too anxious, the limpers were four
So, from the Big Blind he says "Go 20 more."

The four fish he'd netted did not bat an eye.
They tossed in their chips, not considering why.
The flop fit him perfect, there is no dispute,
Jack, Nine and a Five, with no two the same suit.

He opens for 20, the next guy says "Call".
Like two more behind him, refusing to fall,
The man on the button says "I'm gonna raise"
"Then take it to 60" the rounder replies.

"So cap it" the bloke in the middle seat drones,
As every man tosses his chips in and groans.
The Rounder is stymied by action so bold,
He doubts whether any of these fish will fold.

The Turn is a Deuce, it could not have been better.
They start splashing chips, getting wetter and wetter.
Bet! Raise! Raise! and Raise! Now it's 40 a shot!
The dealer is lost in the mountainous pot!

The River card pairs up the Deuce on the board,
He knows now his Jacks-Full will reap the reward.
The final bets pour in Bet! Raise! Raise! and Raise!
He hasn't seen this kind of action in days!

The betting completed, it's time to showdown.
The players all look at each other and frown.
Jack/Nine, Pocket Fives, Pocket Nines, Pocket Jacks
The man on the Button shouts "Bring me some racks!"

"I knew that you mugs were all on pairs and sets!
You're all drawing dead and still spewing out bets!
Your cards were all spent, save for one lonely Five,
But, I was on Deuces! The Deuces were LIVE!"
__________________
JTB
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micalupagoo

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great stuff JTB, keep it coming
does it come quick or do you spend a lot of time getting the rhyme?

i think you got that last one from a game i played;) thats my luck lol
welcome to the forum
ps- you get time to actually play or do you just write now??
 
J

Johnny Too Bad

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The King of Bling

Whenever I have pocket Kings, the dealer flops an Ace.
It makes me want to rack my chips and walk out of the place
I know it's not the dealers fault, he has a job to do.
It seems that I am always at the sharp end of the screw.
I hope it doesn't make me sound too bitter 'cause I'm not.
But, doesn't being dealt two Kings entitle me the pot?

I raised it when it came around, I got the blinds to drop,
And now there were just three of us, waiting for the flop.
If you don't flop a King for me, I can forgive one stroke.
For once let it be Eight, Six, Three. I'll give you a nice toke.
But nooooo that never happens, The flop is Ace, Ten, Nine.
Diamonds all, imagine that, a suit that isn't mine.

I know I've gone from first to worst, but it's not over yet.
In my frustration when it's checked around, I call out "Bet!"
I knew it was a foolish thing to do, I couldn't stop.
My eyes were tearing up on me from staring at the flop.
So, when I think it's all but lost, the Turn provides a King
The King of Hearts, I'm pleased to say (and not The King of Bling)

The other players check to me, they smooth call when I bet,
Now, I just need to cross this river, without getting wet.
The River is The King of Bling. I've hit Four of a Kind!
The Royal Flush my rival made, had never crossed my mind,
As things turned out, it didn't hurt to lose with such a hand,
I took the Bad Beat Jackpot home. It was eleven grand......
__________________
JTB

 
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J

Johnny Too Bad

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For all those Monday night poker league games:

Somebody Got Rivered

(To the tune of "Somebody Got Murdered")

Some one buys a stack of chips and sits down at the felt
Looks around the table, the cards will soon be dealt
As the weekly game progresses, the chips go forth and back
Somebody got rivered, he'll buy another stack

Somebody got rivered...... those chips are gone forever

Somebody got rivered now his stack is growing short
Raised out of position, he fears he must abort
As the blinds are getting bigger, he worries just a bit
Somebody got rivered, it makes him feel like...

Somebody got rivered...... those chips are gone forever

Somebody got rivered, he's bubbled out again
Fist slams on the table the ranting is profane
As the prize pool is divided no one dares to speak
Somebody got rivered but he'll be back again next week

Somebody got rivered...... those chips are gone forever
(repeat and fade out)
 
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