Poker Monster I Created (my wife)

My wife the poker monster I created has been trying to become a worthy poker player via online. Of course she plays on her computer now. At my home I have two different cable lines and cable accounts coming in. One line goes to my office and the other that splits for the TV’s, the kid’s computers, and my wife’s, which is in our bedroom. Yes, it costs more but with all the crazy crap they do online I don’t even want them using the same cable line as me, since my office computer at home also interfaces with my business.

We both enjoy visiting casinos together and with friends, but the men are usually glued to the poker rooms, while the woman usually will lose more then we make (if any) at the slot machines.

Of course we all wine, dine and enjoy entertainment together. And sometimes even get to sleep together while in a casino if one of us husbands would get out of the poker room. While the woman like to go to bed what they call a normal time, us guys if playing cash games like to sleep during the off times, and get downstairs fresh around 1/ 2 am.

So, one evening at home my wife started to complain, that while at the casinos she wants to spend more time with me. (Here we go again) Now the last couple years I was crazy with online poker and was always getting accused of neglect at home. Rightfully so I might add. But after winning some serious money online it seemed strange how her tune began to change. (Shoes, shoes, more shoes, lol) In fact she even started to get interested with poker and was actually sitting with me even bringing me goodies. She even became a good distraction at times. On many occasions she would play while I sat with her discussing the game along with thoughts and strategies. This was all happening just before the UIGEA (2006) and after. She then really started to become a pain in the ass whenever I wanted to play online. After the UIGEA became law and I was then playing at poker stars, things started to go downhill online. My wife actually was able to hold her own online and I would find her on my computer many times playing on my account. I wasn’t concern about financial damage being caused by her at all. She’s pretty cheap and would never play over her head. (I hope) She knows never to play cash games online, and just plays small sng’s, satellites, and free-rolls. But, it was like she was taking over my role, and on my sacred computer. Although I was fading big time from online play and concentrating playing live at local clubs and of course casinos, when I’d come home from a club there she was playing online. (On my sacred computer) She even started reading some of my poker books. I guess I was looking into a magical mirror of what she was seeing when I was getting hooked years ago. Now don’t get me wrong I’m happy she is beginning to enjoy the same things I do. But now she wants to start playing live with me. I agree that this is a great idea and told her we would now have to work on teaching her real poker. I must admit I was concerned about the local clubs. 99% men (allot of assholes) along with possible police raids, the language, hot wife/desperate men etc… But at the reasonable buy-in casino tournaments no problem.

I then decided to make her an offer. I set her up on her computer (in our bedroom) with her own poker account, and told her if she could profit over $1,000.00 dollars, she could then also enter the big buy-in live tournaments with me. She loved the idea and has been playing her little heart away ever since for over a year. She’s presently down over 5k. She’ll constantly wake me out of a deep sleep all excited asking what should she do, as if I could jump out of bed and make a clever decision on the spot. If she’s playing at night and I fall asleep watching TV and she wins something decent, she gets in bed all full of herself and gets all sexed up and attacks. Not sure if she just wants to make sure I know she won something. Unfortunately, she doesn’t win often enough for my liking. She now even brings her laptop into bed with us and is annoying the shit out of me. She even posted on this site several times, and took down a tournament once here.

I very rare play online anymore, unless a big purse tourney and not in peace I might add, with her on my neck trying to tell me what to do. I also find myself going to sleep alone allot. Not sure what to do or say, but starting to get annoyed. Maybe she’ll find this thread and the shit will hit the fan. In fact I'm pretty sure she will find it. Hope I don't hurt her feelings here, but don't have the balls to confront her. I’m not sure I have a leg to stand on with my past, but would really like things to change.

Any reasonable opinions would be appreciated.

Next time, be careful what you wish for!

Wow - that is very interesting. I really think you should talk to her - but be careful how you approach it.

There was a time when I played too much and did not spend enough time with my husband in the evenings. We had a few mild arguments over it - we don't argue aften about anything, but there was always the underlying feelings. I felt guilty and he felt neglected. When he mentioned it to me I felt like my independence was being threatened. (I had a lot of good friends online that I played with - and the evenings were the time that was best to get together. I was afraid of losing those friendships if I didn't nurture them.)

Over time we have found a much better balance. Cardschat has helped because now I only play CC games - so I can work everything else around those. I don't play as late in the evenings. Sometimes we both play at night but will take our laptops in the family room and watch TV and play there. Most nights though we just watch TV together and do other things on the weekends.

Somehow she needs to find that balance with you. But again be careful how you approach it - our feathers get ruffled when we feel threatened lol.

I have a good friend who is the same, he and his wife have been playing poker together for a good 12 years now and both are very happy. They worked through a few tough times but never forgot the realy important things like spending quality time together.

Best wishes for her winning big pots/games a lot more often whilst you are resting!

Introduce her to the concept of ROI.

Not only from a financial perspective, but from a personal one too. Have her start charting the number of hours she plays on-line and ask her if there is something more worthwhile she could do with those hours. I've been finding that helpful to avoid playing massive hours of freerolls and non-money added tournaments.

Also, are you continually re-funding her account if she's down 5K?

Thanks for the warning dakota-xx, will keep that in mind. dj11 thanks for the expected response.

arahel_jazz said:

Introduce her to the concept of ROI.

Not only from a financial perspective, but from a personal one too. Have her start charting the number of hours she plays on-line and ask her if there is something more worthwhile she could do with those hours. I've been finding that helpful to avoid playing massive hours of freerolls and non-money added tournaments.

Also, are you continually re-funding her account if she's down 5K?

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Asking her to chart the hours she plays sounds logical for several reasons, but with my past online play that certainly wouldn't fly. Just open another argument door.

Being fortunate in the past, we have both separate and joint accounts. Her poker account is linked to her personal checking account / debit card at the home address. My poker account is linked to my business property address with a separate personal checking account set up there just for online gambling and online purchases. Her play is well within our means. She has almost equal access to all our funds and would have no problem feeding her account. I also monitor all the banking transactions and never saw excess.

When you consider the amount she lost playing cheap games you would have to think she is also playing a great deal during the day. Having a live-in housekeeper she may be getting carried away. I check occasionally online at work to see if she is playing and only saw her there a few times. When I did see her I would call her and ask what she was doing, and she never lied. No way to get information from housekeeper. They are two peas in a pod.

Regardless, this isn't about the money. (yet) More worried about her new love of poker altering her priorities. With my background it's a very complicated place to be.

Damn uc this sounds like my life, but instead of me complaining about the girlfriend it's the girlfriend complaining about me, the trueth is we have been together about 3 yrs total 5 kids (she had kids before), but had 3kids for me, A kid a yr, now I spend alot of time online, and yes we have fought over it, but that's the thing, it was in the past, now, how we got over it was, we sat and talked over things, and we came to a comprimse, as it is I really cant sleep at night, which makes things harder for me the next day, so I told her, that u know, 4 days a week was no comp no distractions of the sort and the rest of time was my time, but at the same time, if something important were to happen I'd be there no if's ans or butts, now as for the second problem the money thing, maybe to u it's not a problem, but as I've stated before I'm down not alot but enough, and my girl was understanding about the money part, and it sounds like your very understanding about it, but just speak to your wife in a calm, understanding manner, that what she's doing she feels as if it could better the family in a sense (I hope I'm not out of line), but at the same time it's putting a strain on the relationship, and tell her, that yes it's ok that she wants to be great over loves the fact of playing poker, but that u need some time together also, more or less computers here forever, but us humans, were on this earth just a short period of time, hope this helps

Well I'm not going to pretend to be a relationship expert, but it sounds like you two need to talk. As mentioned, be careful how you approach it, but if she's honest in telling you she's playing I'd assume she doesn't think it's a problem. So bring it up, and just be honest about how you feel. I wouldn't state it as a demand or anything, just tell her how you feel, get it out in the open. You know her better than any of us, so you probably know how to best approach it, but it sounds like you two need to talk. Now I've never had an experience married or even living with anyone (unless you count a college roomate lol) so I'm not pretending to be an expert, but that's just my 2 cents.

You will find a way -- the family that plays together stays together.

Ummmm, I think a conversation about what you want out of your relationship would be a start. Good luck man. God be with you both.

quads said:

If she’s playing at night and I fall asleep watching TV and she wins something decent, she gets in bed all full of herself and gets all sexed up and attacks.

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Hmmm. Perhaps I will teach my wife to play.

Meh, down 5k isnt too bad I guess for a beginner.... considering she could, and would, easily drop -5k at the slot machines in 25% of the time.

Uhhh is 5k a lot of money for you? Cause I know if I just lost $5k..... :S

1) Have kids. That might put an end to her poker playing (and yours too), but we have a 1 week old and I'm still playing on the internet.

2) Just man up and tell her that the game is not for her. She's down $5000: she's either playing above her level, you are just loaded with cash to burn, or she just sucks. She probably just stinks and shouldn't play, but at the very least drop to a much lower level.

My wife started playing a couple of years ago, she broke even and has pretty much quit playing on her own accord. I'm glad she quit. I wish you the same luck.

massimo said:

1) Have kids. That might put an end to her poker playing (and yours too), but we have a 1 week old and I'm still playing on the internet.

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No, NEVER have kids, they will end up beating you at poker!! I know!!

dj11 said:

Next time, be careful what you wish for!

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Classic...


Also get her some better books...

Seems like something deeper is missing here for the both of you. Have you talked together about it. Ive been with mine for 20 years and she actually likes that I have poker. But we make certain agreements. I always play certain events and she accepts that. Like she has her hobby classes on certain days. Money problems are always a main conflict. Fortunately I dont have that problem. I retired early in life. So I just spend my time playing poker as If I was at work. The thing is to be upfront about everything. Anything suppressed will likely burst out in ways that are not productive. If she is reading, have her read some other material like Stu Ungars bio or James McManus' book on the Binions and the world series of poker, Positively Fifth Street. It will show her the darker sides of poker as well.