Came across this today and had to share.
The greatest read of all time:
Excalibur Poker Room before the electronic tables-1-2NL 5am
Guy sporting Ultimate Bet hat and shirt sits joins the game and gets into a hand against the drunk sleepy guy who's in for 10 buy ins.
Fast forward to river:
Baby Helmuth goes all in, and insta-tables his AK. Sleepy McDrunk looks at the Baby Helmuth's cards sitting there, face up, back at his hole cards, at the board, back at his hole cards, then goes in the tank, clearly doing high level fold equity and reverse implied odds
calculations, looks back at the AKlaying face up on the table one more time...and calls. He turns up 89. Nice.
Heads up pre-flop.
Lady: I think you have aces but I call.
Me: Why did you call if you think he has aces?
Lady: Well, if he has aces, my 4-4 is about the same as K-K there. And there is no way I am folding K-K pre-flop.
"I folded a winner one time and I'm NOT doing that again."
The other night there's a guy at the table who is up to about $2000 at a 1/3NL game ($300 max buy-in). He seems to have some clue of the game and I'm giving him some credit when the following hand occurs. From here on I will refer to him as The Professor.
The Professor limps from UTG. UTG+1 raises to 12. There are six callers (yeah I know, what a great game huh?) so Professor calls as well. We see a somewhat draw heavy board similar to K102.
Professor checks, UTG+1 bets 15. Folds around to Professor who gives UTG+1 a lecture about how he needs to bet more so as not to give him the pot odds
he needs to call.
Turn is a blank. He says, "You need to bet like half the pot here so I can't call," then checks. UTG+1 bets 35. Professor says, "Good! Now I have a decision to make. That makes it harder for me to call, see?" He then looks at his cards, looks at the board, and folds. When UTG+1 turns over KK he then says, "Oh, that's a monster! You shouldn't have bet so much! You should have drew me in by only betting a little!"
He continues to give the entire table advise oh how they could have played their hands better the rest of the time that he sits there.
Viejas, outside of San Diego playing 1/2 $100 buy-in. Guy is very clueless and just calls down with just an ace trying to hit it, into the game for at least $700. Him and I get in a hand where he calls me on all streets. We get to the river and i ship with KK ( which was soo easily good vs this guy), we pauses for a bit then says," I dont know what to do. I have a question about this hand, Can I ask you? Can I ask the dealer?" Dealer tells
him after the hand he can help him out but not in the middle of it. Guy calls saying," I think I have a straight, tabling K3, saying straight QKA23. You can make a 'carry over' straight right???"
1/2 at the Orleans in Vegas. 6-way limped pot, SB folds and the BB shoves all-in for $79. Everyone folds except for the Button who forcibly says "Call" and flips over his hand - 95 offsuit.
BB looks confused, turns over JJ, the dealer runs the board and the BB wins the hand.
As I'm sitting next to the Button, I ask him, "Um...you mind me asking why you called his all-in with 95?"
The guy looks at me like I'm a total noob and replies, "I had position."
I'm drunk at Canterbury MN playing 3/6 limit. This one guy to my right is the most annoying and worst player in history, taking forever to go (in limit i expect action in 5 seconds) and being just generally terrible.
UTG raises and gets like 4 callers. Flop is A J T rainbow. UTG bets and everyone folds except terrible guy. Turn is a 9. UTG bets again, terrible guy calls. River is another J. UTG bets again, terrible guy calls. UTG doesn't turn over his hand and figures he's beat. Terrible guy tables 65o. UTG looks confused and tables QQ and wins. I ask why'd you call there?? and he just shrugs and says "I thought he was bluffing."
Older lady at Lumiere Place in St.Louis- "Why would anyone want to win the bad beat jackpot? I mean you lose the pot!
4 am, 1/2nl at the Taj.
We make it to the river 5 handed with no bets having gone in on the flop or turn. Board reads 3 4 9 K 10 rainbow. I've backed my way into two pair with 910 suited and bet 10 into the 10 dollar pot that no one else seems to want. 3 folds to the button who thinks for about 20 seconds.
He finally calls, I flip up my hand like it's the nuts and he says "straight." Sure enough, he has JQ for the stone cold nuts. I look a little shocked that he smooth called last to act with the mortal nuts but just say "Nice hand...straight wins."
Someone at the table then asks why he didn't raise when he had the mortal nuts heads up and last to act on the river and he replies: "I've been sucked out on too many times when I had the nuts and went all in."
2/4LHE at the Excal (pre-electronic)
I was holding the nut flush in spades from the flop, and was successfully check-raising. Both the turn and river came down spades too, and I was still getting callers. The pot was decent for 2/4 - around $80. One fairly new player to the table called my final raise.
"Lets see a winner", said the dealer, "whose got the best spade? Or has someone hit the straight?" I panicked - I hadn't realised that with the river a straight flush was now a possibility!
I flipped over my A-10 spades.
The other player flipped over two pair.
"Ace-flush takes it, from the flop", says the dealer, pushing the pot to me.
The other player looked confused. "What's a flush?", he asked.
Home game, I go all in on the turn for a medium amount in a medium sized pot as a bluff on a draw heavy board, as I read my 3 opponents for nothing too much.
Complete donkey calls, I'm kicking myself for bluffing a moron who will call with some rag pair on an heavy board.
The river comes out and we go to showdown and I sheepisly turn over my ace high. The other player turns over a king high, no pair, no draw.
Knowledgeable player asks him "What were you doing there??"
Him: "Thought I'd try bluffing"
2/5 $100 cap
My friend: Td7d
Old man: 87o
Flop comes Ts-Tc-6d, friend lets it get checked around. Turn 9d, friend bets out 20, old man raises to 50, friend goes all-in for not much more, old man calls. River 7.
Old man: "GOD DAMN I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HIT A 1-OUTER ON ME!"
Also saw a lady call down on a Q-J-7-x-x board with some trash liike 97o and claim "I didn't think you had a queen but I put you on a jack." Wat
Local tourny, my friend has Ax on a 2 2 2 board. Someone bets, a call, my friend calls. Turn is a 2. All the money goes in and my friend calls obv, expecting a chop. One guy tables 9 9 and the other Q Q. My friend amusedly goes to collect the pot, before the table erupts. It's a split pot, they all claim, everyone has quads. My friend calls the host over, and explains he has the Ace kicker. Host thinks and thinks whilst everyone is arguing and claiming Q Q is the best hand, others say all three chop, not one seems to understand the A kicker. Eventually the host says all three split it. Reason? 'It's not fair that A high should win.'
I see a guy 4 bet fold pre to an all in getting a huge price. Since I'm leaving I say to him "How can you fold? You were getting like 5-1 to call" He says "What do you mean 5-1, there was only two of us in the pot"
Heated argument erupts from a guy who claims Js4s is better than KsQs on a three spade, J high board. Come to find out that he had learned poker from his nephew, who had told him that a "flush pair" is better than a regular flush.
$1/2 NL. Young villain and competent hero in pot. Board reads A A 6. Pretty obviously by flop action that both have an Ace. Turn is blank coupled by large bet from hero and call. River is a 6. Table relaxes as we all fully expect a chop. Hero fires medium sized bet at pot, obviously expected a call/chop. Villain tanks. Eyebrows are raised. Finally, villain mucks. Hero looks surprised and rakes in pot. I comment to villain that I thought for sure he had an Ace, and others around me agree. Villain looks at me and states "I did, I just thought he had a better kicker than me."
At a local Indian Casino a new player sits down at a 1/2 NL table (max $300 buy in) and buys in for $100. Multi-way pot and the new player is involved right away. Flop is 8 9 K rainbow and regular leads out for $15, dealer turns to new player and says $15 to call sir, new player calls. Turn is a 6, regular fires out $35, dealer turns to new player and says $35 to call sir, new player calls. River is a 4, regular debates for a bit and decides to bet $50 or so and put the new player all-in, dealer turns to new player and says all-in to call sir, new player calls. The regular sheepishly turns over J10o for the busted straight draw, new player flips over 23o. Jack high scoops. Befuddled the dealer asks the new player why he didn't fold, the new player flips out on the dealer and yells out "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME I COULD FOLD!". When the dealer kept asking him to put money in the pot he didn't know he had an option to fold out. I almost felt sorry for him, almost ..
Playing $3-$6 LHE at the Mirage a few years ago.
Young East Indian kid sits down next to me UTG. Dealer pitches the cards around and looks at him for action. The kid hasn't even unracked yet, looks confused and stares back at the dealer.
"$3 to call"
The kid throws in three white chips.
Action moves around, being raised (and maybe re-raised). When it gets back to the kid, he looks at me and says "Can I look at my cards yet?"
I can't help myself "Have you already put some money in?"
"Yes, sir. Three of the white ones."
"Sorry. You can't look now. Throw in six more."
He played the whole hand blind...
1/2nl @ borgata,
the button (a total old nit) re raises to about 40 or 50 pre. The UTG raiser says" must be aces" then the UTG bets the flop, turn and river (putting the old nit all in). The Button shows AA and the stupid donk mucks his QQ. He then berates the button, saying that he never bet his aces! He actually said "How did he know I was going to bet? We reminded him that because the old guy was on teh button, he KNEW the UTG donk was betting. (UTG donk was stunned).
I was saying (very seriously) to the table how T5 is the best hand in hold'em as Any straight that is made is made using either a Ten or a Five.
Someone told me that I'd have to see all the cards to make a straight usually and I said in reply "Well if you don't see all the cards how can you win?"
Again I'm completely bull****ting them with a straight face.
I went to the bathroom a little while later and I heard from my friend at the table (later on that night) that the whole table thought I was a terrible player because my fav. hand was T5.
I also raised with 27c and then ended up winning a 4 way pot after making a flush. Someone said "I didn't believe you could donk it up like that."
I then explained how if its "puppy feet" that I have to play 27... I then explained how clubs look like puppys feet.
Needless to say I got paid off at that table..
Here is my favorite poker "thinking", it happened to a friend of mine in the mid stages of a tournament:
- Button limps for 800 with approximately 8-10 BB's remaining.
- Small blind completes.
- My friend pushes all in from the big blind (with A5) with 8 BB's remaining.
- Button snap calls and turns over 88.
My friend says: "You had 8's on the button? Why didn't you raise?"
Button's response: "Because I only had eights"
My friend: "Then why did you call the all in?"
Button's response: "Because I had eights."