Chasing and What are you Here for?
I found your posting interesting. I have played on-line poker for 5 years and Brick and Mortar for about 6 years. I fell in love with it the first time I started and it has been a thrill ever since... There is however ups and downs to Poker. There are a lot of serious questions initially I never asked myself. This is what I will lean on to you so that you can be serious with yourself and you can take my advice or toss it, I'm not more than a Donkey who has the knowledge of the fact of what I am.
People like you and me pay for the likely few percent of real poker players to play. We enjoy the game like a sport, but we do not have the discipline to win consistently because of just that, we are treating it like a game. They treat it like a Job. You cannot adopt this mentality easily I have found, unless you're Zen. As Poker is just that a Sport, a Job and a hard way to make a buck. I have had swings of 500 up from 5 bucks and -100 bucks... I have lost as much and won half as much as you say... What has changed for me is knowing the game I can beat. Usually that games is involving a game where I cannot open my Poker Client at 4am and gamble away what I worked so hard to win through a week.
You sound like a gambler to me. You sound like a studied one however, as I've not read as many books as you. The TV stuff is applicable, to high stakes Tournament play. On-line Poker is a different animal. These guys have Stat trackers, these guys micromanage their bankrolls to less than a 1% margin. These guys are quite religious, Zen. As I said...
Now ask what do you want of poker, to blow 50-100 bucks on a Weekend? Can you afford to do that? If so, have your fun. You will go up 1G one night and be down 2G the next........Realistically, if you were going to make it and you've spent the time you have at it, you've failed. If you want to make it from this point on, "HONESTY" is next Godliness.
Stop gambling, stop playing for the rush, get the books and advice on true BankRollManagement and true On-line Poker play. Copy and Emulate the winning formula that makes guys/gals thousands a month. It takes a lot of time I hear, 8-10 hour days. It isn't easy........ Or opposite, just blow the cash(within YOUR MEANS) and have fun... you could make an easier living with a real life job I've found, it's no different. These guys are tacticians, these guys know what they're doing. They do not gamble. The real on-line grinders are religious about it and us Donkeys fill their pockets with our hard earned cash. It's a lot easier to do another line of work, only real strong non addictive types can play poker for a living. Even though many pros have and can go bust, we do not have rich friends lining our pockets for the next event? Honesty Honesty Honesty
Take or leave my advice, and do not chase your 4G. She will come with interest when you get over it.
I am a great player, when I'm winning. Though the thing I've yet to Master is how to Lose? ~From the Heart