re: Poker & ONLINE POKER HUMOR
Here's some more online poker-related humor:
TOP 5 WAYS
TO IMPRESS PEOPLE IN CHAT
Now you know how to impress players in live play. But people can't see your sunglasses and hat when you play online, so what can you do? one word: chat!
1) Type in all capitals. This conveys an unmistakable air of authority.
2) Take any opportunity you can get to show off your knowledge of poker. Remember, knowledge is power, and you want to appear powerful.
3) Speed is more important than accuracy. Type as fast as you can and don't worry about stupid shit like spelling or grammar.
4) Everyone is impressed by profanity, but most sites have installed measures to block profanity in chat. You can doubly impress fellow players with clever workarounds like inserting spaces, underscores and non-english profanity.
5) ASCII art is the coolest thing EVER, especially when in the form of genitalia.
THE SEVEN STAGES OF AK
Psychologists often refer to the 7 stages of grief that accompany any significant loss in an individual's life. We certainly think AK qualifies, and know the stages all too well:
1) Denial: "There's no way I could've missed the flop. They were suited. I can call here, I probably still have the best hand. Shoot, I should raise to narrow the field"
2) Anger: "I raised preflop. The board is 239. What the **** are they calling on? Oh, now they're re-raising me? Well, we'll ****ing see about that. Fine, your 23o hit? Congrat-u-****ing-lations. Cap!"
3) Guilt: "Man, I missed the turn and they're still betting into me. I am such a terrible player. I should really let go of this hand. Let go if it, dumbass. Let go. See, this is why you never make money at poker because you can't lay a hand down you stupid **** JUST FOLD."
4) Depression: "Call"
5) Forgiveness: "It's ok, you have to look that guy up every once in a while with A high. He might've been on AQ or AJ, and you would've had the best hand then. It's good for your table image anyhow. People won't mess with you now.
6) Acceptance: "Ok, next time I'll just limp and see a flop."
7) Recovery: "Hey, AKs, alright - RAISE!"