In a recent case study conducted at the university of New New York, Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth and his assistant Dr Zoidberg administered a large dose of the mind altering soft drink Slurm (TM) to a test group. A control group of equal number were given a placebo.
The entire group were asked to perform various tasks:
Calculate the odds
of getting a flush draw with AKs preflop on 9 seat NLHE table.
Find a working password for any freeroll game.
Figure out how to make a pokerstar/poker school account and get it to work in less than 3 earth days.
Plot a course on a starmap to New New New Las Vegas
on the Hawaiian pleasure planet Iwanahockalugie.
Bite Benders shiny metal a** (a personal request, not mandatory)
No single test subject managed any of these things, partly due to the control subjects being selected from a group of 160 year old residents of the artificial planet, Near Deathstar. None of them could remember their own names, and all of them had to be shot at with a bowel disruptor cannon to even pass gas. The results of these tests were almost 99.9% inconclusive, and since 99.98626553% of all percentages are made up, this study proves beyond a doubt that this study was a complete and utter waste of time.