My journey back to square 1
I lay my head down in defeat as I had seen the last of my cash get raked in by the opposition, a feeling all too familiar. It's that feeling when your heart just drops into your stomach, and I then have no desire to face the future at that moment, I just want to sit there and pity myself. I'm sure we've all felt this way before in our poker careers, where we make bad decisions that lead to bad results that we had not contemplated before when we were entering that "game that's gonna turn it all around" for us. I was broke and heartbroken. This day was 3 or 4 days ago. A week or so before that I was having success in the poker world, withdrawing $200 and leaving myself with $150. I was playing strong poker, with bankroll management, and I was not getting sucked out on. I continued my journey on the way to the top, as that is where I thought it was going to lead me, now don't we all? This dream did not last long as my luck began to experience such a variance that I had never experienced before. I lost with everything, every single hand I ever played I lost. At first bankroll management was not the issue, I was playing within my allotted amount, but soon enough it became an issue as I was down to $80 playing the same games that I had been playing with my $150 bankroll. My bad luck DID NOT STOP, but if I had been playing within my limits then maybe I would have withstood this attack by variance, and would still have money left to rebuild. I deposited $100 the next day with a tilted attitude, and began playing with BR management and then quickly my mind fell to the pressure of my previous losses! What terrible poker looking back at it! At that moment I was positive that was it for me, that my game had no hope, that I would never ever learn..
Then yesterday I changed my mind, I am deciding to stick with it and learn from my losses. I decided to take this as a lesson, and read up a lot on some of my previous poker books
. My journey back to success begins again, as now I am free rolling and playing play chips, as much as I am on the edge of squirming at the thought.. It's not as easy thing to do, but will test my poker skills and hopefully mold me into a better player that doesn't make silly mistakes such as this. I know free rolling is full of donkeys and even with great poker play it is very hard to cash, but I am not going to deposit again, and maybe I need to be taught something.. It is clear that my poker play needs re-evaluation, and I shall be doing that. Wish me luck starting at square 1.