Is it all in my head? Is Full Tilt just a trigger for me?

Being someone involved in psychology and also a fan of poker, I've noticed a trend over the past few years in my deposit patterns and losses. I don't know if its in my head or actually something I should consider doing.

I started playing online poker about 7 years ago on pokerstars play chips only, I did it as a way to "practice up" for regular games at college. Good stuff.

I played a few live tournaments and more cash games, lost some, won some and decided one day to try full tilt poker with real money. Naturally I deposited the minimum at the time and played way above the recommended limits...being inexperienced, young, and dumb I blew a few hundred in under 72 hours. Back then I had no way to make up the lost money, had to borrow some and quit poker for a few months.

I came back to Full Tilt over the years and while I didn't do any of those crazy reload binges chasing my losses, I realized I always ended up making progress and in an act of stupidity or just a few big hands lost I'd lose any bankroll or progress. I no longer ran to the reload to chase my losses I'd walk away but it was frustrating to win , build up a bit, follow some rules, then lose any progress on a bad play or taking a shot higher for no reason.

I got to the point where I was tracking progress and bankroll management but still ended the same. I left for a few months and came back ready to try new websites. Did UB and bodog didn't like them.

A friend told me about Cake Poker, so I downloaded that on the Windows side of my Mac, found it harder to find games since its a small site which in a way slowed my losses and eliminated the "get into a new game to chase losses right away mentality." I got bored of poker online shortly after, just faded for a few months.

One recent night I got quite faded and intoxicated, i woke up the next day in a weird mode and realized I dropped a few hundred dollars on Rush Poker on Full Tilt! I self excluded myself for a few weeks and I have no clue why I did that, sure I'd play drunk or faded sometimes but often content with the lowest limits just for the hell of it.

I went back to Cake and realized i still had money there, lost a bit but haven't deposited there in months and checking my records I've spent a lot less on Cake, while I'm in the red there as well I've won many many more sessions on Cake than Full Tilt.

It seems like every time I go onto Full Tilt I'm reminded of the first time I played and the bad choices I made, its almost like I play different there because of my history with the site.

I'm not trying to make excuses for my stupid decisions and lost money I do enjoy poker but I've found more and more that my playing on Cake Poker results in less impulsive risks, more wins, and easier to walk away from for a break?

Sorry this post is long, I just had to get this out of my head.

A few things I considered:

Full Tilt software is on Mac (my main system), deposit options are easy to "save" making one click deposits very easy. Rush Poker can be fun but a quick way to go mad and lose it all.

Cake I have to reboot my computer and actively switch to Windows to access the software. Cake doesn't remember deposit options, you have to manually access and enter your card/bank information. Cake has bankroll management, a warning pops up when I try to sit down at a high limit, giving me a chance to back out of something stupid. Cake games take longer to fill up, I've registered and waiting 2 or 3 hours for a tourney to start, perhaps less impulse to jump right in and chase (Full Tilt games fill in seconds).


Does any of this make any sense? I like Full Tilt but I'm considering closing my account there because of my past with them and my ability to "stop" a lot quicker and easier with Cake Poker.

I'll also note I have no issues with Full Tilt. I think the site is top notch and I do take full responsibility for my losses and activity on the site.

Is it really possible that just being on Full Tilt just reminds me of my past behavior? I find it easier to get up and walk away from Cake Poker when I need to cool off.

RFTB3 said:

Does any of this make any sense? I like Full Tilt but I'm considering closing my account there because of my past with them and my ability to "stop" a lot quicker and easier with Cake Poker.

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Logically it makes no sense.

However if you feel quitting FT is the way to go, then that's what you should do.

Maybe rush poker is the problem.. its easy to loose 12 hrs playing rush!

Do what is best.

Do what is best for you. If you feel more comfatible playing at cake, then do so. If you have a stigmata torwards full tilt and find yourself tilting there more often the not. Stay away. Cake is a smaller room and has some advantages like you mentioned. Smaller fields not as many games fill up so quick giving you time to think before yo rereg after a loss. But all in all you do need to play your best at any room. And make sure it's not "faded" or half lit!. Because that is for sure the quickest way to deplete a bankroll of any size. Good luck, and I also like feltstars and carbon. Bigbigbucs

Well i'm pretty sure you win more often on Cake because there are less good players there. It sounds like you have a gambling problem and maybe you should close all of your accounts.

id suggest depositing a small amount at a new site and get into your head that you're starting a fresh and are going to learn the game, then follow good bank roll management, read this forum thoroughly on all aspects of the game you like to play and how to deal with tilt, and start from small stakes and work your way up, because if you cant beat the smaller stakes you wont beat the bigger stakes. Atleast that way you can enjoy poker and learn and hopefully not lose lots of money and get mad!

well the reason they have that info saved is so that you will be more apt to just blow through the money on their site. Its easier to go on tilt and lose your bankroll, then just one click and bam your right back at the tables

Stay away fom rush

I think perhaps you areThrowing "good$ after bad" at the rush. Trying to re-coop after a bad beat comes to making you push harder,faster to get it back quicker. Try playing small ball poker. Controlling pot sizing is part of quality play. Don`t try to overcompensate by pushing harder to re-coop. I would rather win 10 small to average pots than risk my whole roll at a table with one push all -in.

Numbuh 0ne said:

Well i'm pretty sure you win more often on Cake because there are less good players there. It sounds like you have a gambling problem and maybe you should close all of your accounts.

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^^^^ yep

Stu - I agree Rush Poker can be fun but hard on the bankroll.

Acky - I think that is a good idea. I'm hesitant to abandon Full Tilt completely but if it's for the best to get a fresh start, I need to do it.

RFTB3 said:

Stu - I agree Rush Poker can be fun but hard on the bankroll.

Acky - I think that is a good idea. I'm hesitant to abandon Full Tilt completely but if it's for the best to get a fresh start, I need to do it.

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If you are really trying than good luck. My advice is to use proper BRM, keep learning. post hands you are not sure of, and last but not least DO NOT MIX ALCOHOL WITH POKER.

BTW, Cake is a very soft site. Try Bodog too. Cake's software makes want to vomit and games take forever to fill. Otherwise I would play there.

Gday ,RFTYes it was a long post, but valid.The mind is an amazing thing, especially when it come to memories good or bad. I for example, have just give up Alcohol, due to a run in with the law. Now this has been rough on me and the whole family, but, in the long run, this is a life changing time for everyone.The reason I use this as an example is that I still cant go to the pub, just for a feed, or to the shops that are just next to the old bottle shop. This is something our brain do to overcome our old ways.So in saying, leave Full Tilt if it makes you feel uncomfortable and play at your new found site, Full Tilt gets on my nerves too.

can't imagine waiting for 2-3 hours for a game to start online?? I won't wait for more than 1min. (only wait longer if I have tables running & am adding in 45's or something like that).

Do what feels right.

Get a Fresh Start.

Closing your FT account is not going to save you from poor play and making bad decisions.

DetroitJimmy said:

^^^^ yep

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Well ok I will just put my 2c in here. People are very quick to point the fingers these days. Maybe this guy has a problem but maybe he has done something stupid and leant or tried to learn from his mistakes. Its not like this bloke is stealing money to feed his addiction or cannot go without it and he was able to walk away for a few months after making a stupid mistake and blowing his poker money.

Anyway it looks like you are stuck mindset, and thats hard to change for some people, sometimes in poker its easy to do the less risky thing and not play correctly for fear of losing etc (this is my issue which I am trying to change). My advice is not to worry about fulltilt for now, or just leave a few $ on there for when you want to have a pop at different games and stuff and work on your game away from ft for a bit and try work on your though process/mindset. Rush poker is like crack!

maybe you should quit the alcohol...not ft.....then you will see why things are happening the way they do.

Detroit - That makes sense, I need to force myself to stay offline when drinking that's for sure, Facebook is considering a mechanism that allows you to block yourself from access when intoxicated, if poker sites did this, well it'd be good for us and bad for their bottom line.

BigJamo - I agree, being someone involved in psychology I know that environment plays a big role in behavior; you avoiding the pub is important to avoiding familiar settings that may invite you to go back to alcohol. You're taking an important step here and it's good to hear its working for you. That is kind of what I'm thinking with Full Tilt, yes its virtual on a computer but perhaps just seeing that familiar setting sets up a trigger for me.

Roller - I think it feels right.

The Noob - You are correct. Switching to a new poker website to get a new start isn't going to make me a better player or eliminate poor decisions...but I do believe it will improve my play, BRM, and reduce poor decisions. At the least it's worth a shot.


McCluskey- Well said. People are quick to point fingers, I'm glad you understand my point of view. I'm not stealing, racking up credit card debt, missing school, ending relationships, self destructing, or any of those things because of poker. These were stupid mistakes and I've learned from them to a certain extent, now I need to do whatever it takes not to repeat them anymore so I can keep poker as an interest in my life. I agree seeing the chips as money can create fear, I've become attuned to what
"level" i can play at without playing scared, any higher and I'm playing scared, too low and I'm undervaluing the chips. I'm taking your advice and putting Full Tilt aside for now and perhaps for good if it seems the pattern re-emerges.

To clarify, I am involved in psychology and have an understanding of the human mind. As many know, sometimes we're blind to our own mistakes and blind to what causes repeat behavior, us in psychology are certainly no exception.

I'm trying to get insight from other poker players on if they've had similar experiences, where a certain environment (in this case a particular online poker room) seems to always result in the same poor outcomes. I'm not saying the switch will make be a better player quickly or even make my BRM better, but it seems worth a shot.

...Ahem

TheNoob said:

Closing your FT account is not going to save you from poor play and making bad decisions.

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yes, but it will save you from rush poker. Ask anyone about how to save money when gambling at vegas and they will tell you many things, but one common thing is to slow things down. You can get drunk, get mad and blow your BR on any site. But I agree tilt has a knack for...well I can't put my finger on it, but I do know I don't spend money on tilt anymore.

In the end, play where you are comfortable with. I myself feel more comfortable on a site that is geared for getting my money out if I win it (there are sites that it is easy to win but hard to get winnings out of).

Anyone ever wonder why they called the site Full Tilt Poker? Perhaps the name causes some sort of subconscious drift towards tilt and larger rakes.

I'm being about 1/2 serious here.

Rush poker is all about the math. The only reads in general, unless you sit for a long time and note every hand you play, is players stack and action. I am trying something I think might help you. One buy in- one hour. Any time I win or lose a buy in I quit that rush session for about an hour, just to make sure I am not tilting after a bad beat, or think I'm ready to take on Ivey and Dwan because I played a hand well to take down a big pot.

Hello

Hello Everyone !

I reckon its in your head or basically the gambler inside you, you should try and stay off the rush poker tables coz its easy to lose a full buy-in very quickly.
You really should move down and keep to your buy in limits, if you keep to them and they are reasonable against your BR, you would be able to chase one or two or more times before realising you're been daft and still have a BR. GLat the tables

Sign

I see at least two things here to note.1,you are not practicing any type of bankroll management.2.Chasing the money you lost is a very bad sign,and a warning that you have a gambling problem.
Playing drunk or high,or tired,sleepy,or just in a bad mood is a recipe for disaster.
Another thing to note,I am totally against poker sites using the *quick reload*option.This is not a good practice for most of US poker players.
So,The best advice I can give you,is to study up on poker and set bounderies for yourself.GL

I've seen some great feedback here (as well as some downright judgmental feedback) which has led me to a few things:

- Full Tilt is bad for me but it doesn't mean it's bad for everyone, although Rush Poker is like poker crack as others have said and a true BR killer. However if some people just like to gamble and have fun, I can see its purpose for them. Full Tilt has agreed to suspend my deposit options which means if I do play there again all I have is the few dollars left over and a few thousand FTP to play around with; no more rush poker for me. I've never played drunk or high on Cake, who knows why but it only happens with FT likely due to the quick deposits and easy access on my Mac OS (primary OS).

- I need better BRM guidelines...but I don't need to be a nit about it because I'm not a pro and have no intentions of being a pro, I need some guidelines so I can play for a while on a small roll but still play at a level where I'm not getting bored and thus sloppy.

- All poker players are gamblers to a certain extent, to those judging me as an alcoholic and a gambling addict (I don't recall stating any criteria to match diagnosis for either conditions) remember we're all gamblers. Even the best players still take chances and still lose, luck is always a factor and the rake is always there.

- I'm still trying to figure out where online poker fits into my life. Will I give up online poker for good? I don't know. I enjoy it now more than when I was dumb about it, and I won't be playing drunk anymore. Perhaps I see it like a video game...I have a friend who plays video games at least 8 hours a day...he makes no money playing it and no chance to make money playing it...at least poker offers that chance. He spends his money buying video games, I spend some buying buy ins. Maybe it has a place after all, I find myself playing maybe 1-2 hours every other day or so, is that excessive, some people spend 8-10 hours a day playing.

- I admit I've questioned even bothering to continue...withdrawl limits are a pain, the US govt makes it harder and harder to get money in and out, its harder and harder to see online poker as a way to make any money, more like paying to play a video game...money goes in, entertainment comes out but money doesn't come back.

I'm not quitting online poker, I won't be depositing again at FT it looks like and I'll be on Cake as long as my current roll lasts. I can say I've become better at setting boundaries, time limits, and knowing when to walk away, but I probably still have a lot to learn about poker.