Is it all in my head? Is Full Tilt just a trigger for me?
Being someone involved in psychology and also a fan of poker, I've noticed a trend over the past few years in my deposit patterns and losses. I don't know if its in my head or actually something I should consider doing.
I started playing online poker about 7 years ago on PokerStars
play chips only, I did it as a way to "practice up" for regular games at college. Good stuff.
I played a few live tournaments and more cash games, lost some, won some and decided one day to try Full Tilt Poker
with real money
. Naturally I deposited the minimum at the time and played way above the recommended limits...being inexperienced, young, and dumb I blew a few hundred in under 72 hours. Back then I had no way to make up the lost money, had to borrow some and quit poker for a few months.
I came back to Full Tilt over the years and while I didn't do any of those crazy reload binges chasing my losses, I realized I always ended up making progress and in an act of stupidity or just a few big hands lost I'd lose any bankroll or progress. I no longer ran to the reload to chase my losses I'd walk away but it was frustrating to win , build up a bit, follow some rules, then lose any progress on a bad play or taking a shot higher for no reason.
I got to the point where I was tracking progress and bankroll management but still ended the same. I left for a few months and came back ready to try new websites. Did UB and Bodog didn't like them.
A friend told me about Cake Poker
, so I downloaded that on the Windows side of my Mac, found it harder to find games since its a small site which in a way slowed my losses and eliminated the "get into a new game to chase losses right away mentality." I got bored of poker online shortly after, just faded for a few months.
One recent night I got quite faded and intoxicated, i woke up the next day in a weird mode and realized I dropped a few hundred dollars on Rush Poker on Full Tilt! I self excluded myself for a few weeks and I have no clue why I did that, sure I'd play drunk or faded sometimes but often content with the lowest limits just for the hell of it.
I went back to Cake and realized i still had money there, lost a bit but haven't deposited there in months and checking my records I've spent a lot less on Cake, while I'm in the red there as well I've won many many more sessions on Cake than Full Tilt.
It seems like every time I go onto Full Tilt I'm reminded of the first time I played and the bad choices I made, its almost like I play different there because of my history with the site.
I'm not trying to make excuses for my stupid decisions and lost money I do enjoy poker but I've found more and more that my playing on Cake Poker results in less impulsive risks, more wins, and easier to walk away from for a break?
Sorry this post is long, I just had to get this out of my head.
A few things I considered:
Full Tilt software is on Mac (my main system), deposit options are easy to "save" making one click deposits very easy. Rush Poker can be fun but a quick way to go mad and lose it all.
Cake I have to reboot my computer and actively switch to Windows to access the software. Cake doesn't remember deposit options, you have to manually access and enter your card/bank information. Cake has bankroll management, a warning pops up when I try to sit down at a high limit, giving me a chance to back out of something stupid. Cake games take longer to fill up, I've registered and waiting 2 or 3 hours for a tourney to start, perhaps less impulse to jump right in and chase (Full Tilt games fill in seconds).
Does any of this make any sense? I like Full Tilt but I'm considering closing my account there because of my past with them and my ability to "stop" a lot quicker and easier with Cake Poker.