-Kidnap your 14-year-old babysitter.
-Write ransom note to babysitter's parents, demanding $1000.
-Win $1K.
I'm sure everyone feels bad for you that you lost $1000, but really you have to see how people find it humorous. A 14 year old girl went on your poker account and lost your money playing 2000NL, maybe once you get over your loss you will see the humour in it.