How do I stop losing?
Ahh.. where do I begin...
Well, I didn't watch poker on ESPN or get influenced by any rich pro poker player like durrr or Phil Ivey. It started few months ago, I was a good kid never seriously gambled in my life except few cash games in snooker rooms. I hated gambling to be honest.
One night I was introduced to this video game called Governor of Poker, once i started playing it, I was like hooked to it. Whenever I had time I would just sit down for hours and finally managed to beat the game. After that I was convinced that I was good enough to try some hand in online poker.
Once I opened my first account in poker stars, it seriously blew my mind with all the cash games, tournaments and everything. Thought I could double my cash easily,but I didn't know it was very fierce competitive world. I instantly deposited $10 and started playing sit and go games. I would win 1 out of 5/6 games, my target was to reach $100 on my bankroll. But I was depositing more and more to reach my goal. And then I realized I had deposited more than $1000 within a few weeks on pokerstars
. After that pokerstars suspended my account forever saying my account is "High Risk" for them but didn't give me any reason for the suspension. I wrote them several times, their reply was same, it was final decision. But now I don't blame them, may be their decision stopped me from further wasting my money.
But I was not satisfied, after loosing that much, I wanted it all back, whether it may take me 6 months / 1 year or more. So I opened my account in 888
, I tried fulltilt first but it is seized by government or something, so I decided to stick with 888. This time I was more serious, I downloaded and read many poker books
to enhance my game, I learned about many pro poker players, spent hours watching hi-level games on youtube and live games of pro players. I made my first $10 deposit on 888, started playing cash games 0.5/0.10, within 3 days my bankroll was $30. But I was also playing tournaments with $1-$3 buyins, I know it needs real luck to win tournaments, but I wanted my money back as quickly as possible. So i think I have wasted my bankrolls on thoese games. After playing like 8/15 tournaments, I did went up to top 50, 3 times and once reached on final table. Again I was back to cash games 0.5/0.10.. and again I am depositing more often. Several times I sat down hours with $10 for better hand, I try to play very few hands, but it's my luck or whatever.. I get thrash cards.
I fail to build my bankroll everytime. I am not addicted to these games, I know I have enhanced my game, I can honestly say I am better than many other players out there. I am not addicted to game now, I have better things for entertainment. I just shut it off whenever I tilt. And I Sometimes think of quitting, but I not a quitter. No I never gambled my grocery money or borrowed friends money to gamble. No I dont have dreams of becoming top players, I just want my cash back and then I can think of conclusion after that. But I am just worried on a long run.. I might just go broke someday if it continues.