Give up on poker dreams or risk everything and go all the way this year?

L

lazurus

Rising Star
Bronze Level
Joined
Dec 6, 2014
Total posts
8
Chips
0
Tommorow, I will be turning 29 years old and it has come to the point in my life where I have to decide if I want to give up on the game or go hard and finish what I started. Poker means more to me than anyone can comprehend. It's not about the fortune or the gambling aspect about it, it's about what I have sacrificed in my life for the game. It actually saved my life as well as my wife's life.

Before I found poker, I use to be a well driven college student who has high hopes and dreams of graduating and becoming someone great in the business world. I was the top of my class, played on almost every team and everyone knew I would make something of myself in the business world.

Well, the biggest mistake of my life is when I was 21, and I had dated the wrong girl who was 18 at the time. Long story short, the relationship turned sour and because I had tried to find someone else; this girl had me false arrested three times. This killed me inside and I don't think anyone know how it feels to be punished for something you did not do and on top of that, the justice system makes it so hard that it is impossible to fight a false claim. After this, I became severely depressed; I had a job and was still going to college but I drank nearly a whole bottle of black label every other day. I couldn't get up to go to school or work on times and I eventually gave up on it and continued drinking. The drinking led me to even a deeper hole when I met people who were doing drugs and there were gangs usually in these places.

I knew everything was going downhill and I did not know where to go or what to do. It wasn't till I was 21 I sat down at the poker table in atlantic city that I felt like something was different. I started to think to myself instead of wasting my money drinking everyday, I can use that money to play poker. I wasn't good at first and for the first 3 years, I had lost almost 10k playing just $62 tournaments. I did not know how to play at the time. But it was better than abusing my body with alcohol.

So then, I saw the wsop main event one day on tv and a wierd feeling came over me. I told myself I will get better at the game and play on tv one day and win that bracelet. I started to get better and better from that day on and eventually, I cashed consistently in those $62 tournaments. I became well known by the locals and the money was not great but it did help because I had no job.

At 25, I met my wife who ironically was going through the drugs and drinking and I told her I could save her and take her away from the negative and pretty deadly situation she was in. I said we can start a life in Atlantic City and I married her after meeting her for only a couple of weeks. We then started to live in the casinos and eventually I told her to go back to school and she did college online. I supported her and ourselves with those $62 tournaments and 1/2 cash games.

Money was tight and living in the casinos was not easy. We had to manage such as cooking our own food in the hotel rooms and we even had our pet cat living with us in the same room for a year. Rooms were easy to get especially if you knew some people. I was happy at the time because I was playing poker and we was living in the casinos. I always had faith believed in myself, I could make it one day in the poker world if I got really good and I would know myself when that time would come.

After two years living in the same casino, my wife got curious and started playing poker. It turned out to be a fortune but started out really rough. She was losing at least $300 a day and I could not keep up with the bankroll no matter how hard I tried. Finally after a couple of months that she played, my bankroll was down to nothing.

I only had $100 left and the day before I had told my friends who worked in the poker room that this is the end of the ride, Ill have to leave Atlantic city and give up on poker. Even my wife told me to leave with the last $100 I had left because thats all we had left for food. I was scared, I was the type never to borrow money from anybody because I learned that you learn to make more money when you don't rely on others. I told my wife, Im confident in my game and I sat down at a 1/2 cash game. It was the strangest night of my life because that $100 literally turned into $1100 in a couple of hours. I never ran that good in my life, the hands pretty much played themselves out. I then let my wife play because she asked me.

That same morning, she came to my table and the first hand she hits the bad beat with me at the table and we share a jackpot of a quarter million. I cant explain the feeling of shock, happiness and relief that all hit me when it happened. It was a blessing from God because the week that my bankroll was dwindling, I could not eat and was just laying in bed praying every day for a miracle. The way I was going, I was dying emotionally and physically.

When this miracle happened, I made sure we tipped the dealers really well and we gave them so much that even my own wife got mad about it. Long story short, we ended up buying a house because we had no place to live except the casinos. Many people thought I would invest it in poker and I regret that I did not because even with that much money, I did not really get a good shot at the bigger tournaments. By that time, I had gotten really good at the game, I was cashing consistently in $100 buyins all the way up to $500 buyins. However, most of the money was going to expenses.

So fast forward to these last couple of years, I always wondered why am I playing this game if I am never going to be someone great in the poker world. Alot of players including dealers in the atlantic city poker rooms truly believe I can make it and this helps alot to fuel my drive to winning the big events. But personally, my wife wanted me to give up because it takes so much time and dedication. I finally figured myself out and realized I have to become a pro because I have dedicated so many years and I have alot of people that support me and I can't let them down. Plus those that don't believe and say poker is pure gambling, I have to prove them wrong. I looked to God and asked " why poker?".

I thought about it for months and one day I noticed certain players on tv such as Einhorn and Greenstein who would donate their winnings to charity. I knew that if it was anything, God would want me to play and to help those that need it in the world. I always thought with money, you can do so much and in a sense you are a superhero without the super powers. Winning the bracelet is what I see as a healing symbol for everything I have been through and everything I dedicate for poker. The money is just there but I don't really care about the money except to take care of my family and my wife's family as well as donating it.

Well recently, the last two years I have encountered the worse nightmare a poker player can experience in a casino. When me and my wife argue, I go on tilt and gambled away pretty much my whole bank roll to blackjack and slot machines. This year was my worse but also by best in poker cashes. I earned about $60k in poker but have lost everything or it was spent unaccordingly.

Everytime I lose it to blackjack or slots, I can't even eat and just want to sleep away the issue. Recently, I have gotten better at this problem. My poker skills became stronger, and I know that in myself I am finally ready for the bigger tournaments. However, right now my wife has pretty much given up on me and poker after all these years. Mentally, I have lost and physically again I am dying because I am not eating properly and I can't seem to play right. It hurts because I just lost $6k profit playing online because I was on tilt. All I remember in my mind are all the tournaments I won and how come I never have money left. I really want to continue but doing this alone will hurt my game.

I know at this point, either I get through this and if I can, I know I can make it because I would have finally mastered my weakness of being on tilt from personal issues. I never go on tilt because of a poker hand or because of someone at the table. It has to be someone close to me that affects my mindset. And I have noticed when I was happy and everything was fine, I always did my best and my best cashes came from these times. Pretty much, I can give up right here right now, or I can go with my feeling that I can make it this time. Im ready to play the big events and I know it but emotionally I think I will donk off my winnings no matter how much I win.

I wish my wife knew I was not doing this for myself, its actually for her and also for those homeless, poor children and others who need the help. If I ever want anything for my birthday, it's for my wife to support and understand poker. It saved our lives and without it, I feel worthless. Thanks for reading all this and please share your opinions.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
vvanns

vvanns

Rock Star
Silver Level
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Total posts
197
Chips
0
Reading all this, only makes me think: you're too hooked. I think it's better to give it a break for at least half a year and fix some fundamental things in your life! Take care of yourself and try to eat good and healthy food and sleep enough hours! But most importantly: take a long break from poker!
 
C

CactusCat

Rock Star
Silver Level
Joined
Oct 7, 2014
Total posts
140
Chips
0
I don't question the veracity of your story, but did you really not put a single space in there?

I saw you invested the greater chunk of the badbeat jackpot in buying a house. That was absolutely the right decision - spending it on taking bigger shots in tournaments would've been a needless risk. You gave yourself, your wife, your future children security, a place to live, rather than viewing it as a shortcut to higher stakes.

You spent it wisely before you gave yourself a chance to waste it on something stupid.

If you were to play poker again, I'd do what you were doing before - playing the smaller tournaments, playing live in the casino, etc, only moving up when you've completely mastered the current stakes. Building your bankroll patiently and running it up the old fashioned way. The Tom Dwans and Phil Iveys didn't win the lottery and use that as a shortcut to where they are.
 
jdihzy

jdihzy

Enthusiast
Silver Level
Joined
Nov 20, 2014
Total posts
27
Chips
0
I don't question the veracity of your story, but did you really not put a single space in there?

I saw you invested the greater chunk of the badbeat jackpot in buying a house. That was absolutely the right decision - spending it on taking bigger shots in tournaments would've been a needless risk. You gave yourself, your wife, your future children security, a place to live, rather than viewing it as a shortcut to higher stakes.

You spent it wisely before you gave yourself a chance to waste it on something stupid.

If you were to play poker again, I'd do what you were doing before - playing the smaller tournaments, playing live in the casino, etc, only moving up when you've completely mastered the current stakes. Building your bankroll patiently and running it up the old fashioned way. The Tom Dwans and Phil Iveys didn't win the lottery and use that as a shortcut to where they are.

It's an incredible story but i believe he typed the whole shit on word and copyed/pasted.


@OP What do you mean she gave up on you? Did she left you?
 
L

lazurus

Rising Star
Bronze Level
Joined
Dec 6, 2014
Total posts
8
Chips
0
I typed everything on here but it came out like this. Right now, I am a pretty consistent poker player, I have lost my whole bank roll many times but ran it up to tens of thousands of dollars and then lost it again. And this only happens when Im on tilt from arguments from my wife and such. It takes alot of patience, dedication and time to truly make it in the poker world. When you are married, it is not the same as if you are poker player when you are single. All these years I have spent in the casino and years I spent with her chasing this, she has pretty much given up. Her giving up is almost like me giving up.
 
vvanns

vvanns

Rock Star
Silver Level
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Total posts
197
Chips
0
Fight to get her back! The first step is quiting poker I'm afraid!
 
starting_at_the_bottom

starting_at_the_bottom

Legend
Silver Level
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Total posts
2,665
Awards
1
Chips
7
omg that hurt my eyes just to look at.

If you post again using some paragraphs I will read it.
 
Debi

Debi

Forum Admin
Administrator
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Total posts
74,641
Awards
20
Chips
1,331
Going to add paragraphs - nobody can read that wall of text.
 
Debi

Debi

Forum Admin
Administrator
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Total posts
74,641
Awards
20
Chips
1,331
You should never set foot in a casino or poker room again.
 
ccocco

ccocco

Rock Star
Silver Level
Joined
Sep 21, 2013
Total posts
460
Chips
0
guaA that story !!. Congratulations for getting ahead in spite of the big problems you had, but what I see is not got or did other things in life, do not talk to friends, to do another activity that is not poker only. sport eg .. or some other leisure I can do you stop the poker world for a while .. my simple opinion. regards
 
D

da_goat

Enthusiast
Silver Level
Joined
Dec 4, 2014
Total posts
81
Chips
0
That was pretty miraculous story with your last $100!

Decide what you want- poker or your wife- make a choice and go with it.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
vvanns

vvanns

Rock Star
Silver Level
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Total posts
197
Chips
0
Dude, what choice? Go for love!!! Poker should never be in the way of something as essential as that! Get real, goat!
 
veltins

veltins

Legend
Loyaler
Joined
Feb 22, 2013
Total posts
2,756
Awards
2
JP
Chips
66
hey Buddy .. go for wife n Family Buddy . poker is nothing infront of them.. Family is so important in life ..if your wife want you to leave poker then leave it mate go for the love . .leave poker or Casino .. ban yourself from all Casino for at least 10 years.. ban yourself online.. force ban yourself so that you cant Play even if you get tempted.. and Forget People who are Sayin you are good at poker or cld be big shot in future.. take care of yourself n your wife n Family. that is important
 
Last edited:
Bee

Bee

to bee or not to bee
Bronze Level
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Total posts
5,684
Awards
30
Chips
37
Life is passing you by. Leave the poke,r go out there, take a breath, feel the wind, the sun.
 
vvanns

vvanns

Rock Star
Silver Level
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Total posts
197
Chips
0
beegees, how high were you when you wrote that ? :p
 
L

lazurus

Rising Star
Bronze Level
Joined
Dec 6, 2014
Total posts
8
Chips
0
It's not about choosing the wife or poker. There's more to it than that. Even if it is not poker, I believe that your wife or whoever is close to you should always support your dreams and goals whether it is winning the olympics, opening a business, becoming a professional baseball player. Its all the same concept. The real fact here is I can produce an income through poker. I have people in Atlantic city that knows this and the results from tournament receipts show it as well. This is something that I worked for my whole life and I see myself winning the main event one day. I dedicated so many hours to poker and even when I had nothing, I still did not give up. This time, its even worse because of the circumstances. How did the guy who invented the wiperblade persevere even when his wife left him and believed he could not beat the big american car companies in court? For some, poker maybe a hobby or sport. But for me, its not only a passion but I see it as the door to something bigger in life.
 
fubarcdn

fubarcdn

Legend
Silver Level
Joined
Apr 24, 2005
Total posts
2,443
Chips
0
If you have made up your mind then you will likely go for it.
It may work out and it may not.
If you were looking for everyone here to encourage you I am sure it will have little effect on your decision that it didn't happen.
I wish you good luck and I am sure that the others that did not endorse your plan also wish you all the best.
Good luck with your decision.
 
L

lazurus

Rising Star
Bronze Level
Joined
Dec 6, 2014
Total posts
8
Chips
0
Fubar, Thanks for the positive outlook on things. I know if I am ever going to make it, I have to hold on to all the money I win from tournaments and cash games. This event can be a wake up call for me or it can also be something that will destroy my poker forever. I really can't decide on what to do or where to go but I will have a sure answer in time. I believe God will always steer someone in the right direction but its still up to us if we want to go in that direction.
 
L

love that omaha

Rock Star
Silver Level
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Total posts
199
Chips
0
I have only told two people in my life they should give up gambling - one inherited 30k when his mom died and shredded thru it in a matter of months playing poker with a group of semi pros who were miles better than him. He ignored my advice and I haven't spoken to him in 6 months. The other I told in the middle of a blackjack game and it was a little sarcastic - he continued to gamble 5 more years but I saw him in October at a restaurant and he told me he hadn't gambled in 6 months and now had 12 grand in the bank - also that he lost at least 20 grand a year prior to quitting. Since I don't know you I can't say you should quit but maybe give it some serious thought.
 
rifflemao

rifflemao

Pugs Not Drugs
Silver Level
Joined
Jun 8, 2013
Total posts
4,562
Awards
1
Chips
98
Thanks for sharing. Definitely shows the ups and downs of the game. Sounds like if you could learn to run you poker playing like a business (use good bankroll management etc), that you could do well. Whether it's worth losing your wife over is only something you can decide. You will need a support network if you try to go pro.

What kind of job will you get if you don't play poker? Sales? Financial? Health and retirement benefits are very important. You could be earning good money at poker and have a minor health incident ruin you financially.
 
D

donkcentralFF

Visionary
Silver Level
Joined
Oct 25, 2014
Total posts
539
Chips
0
I just flipped $40 into $14000 grand on the line poker... Needless to say I blew $11 grand on online bj and only cashed $3000... For the last few weeks I have been trying to decide if I should quit gambling or not.. When I thought about it more, I realized I can live with blowing that $11000 because I was trying to reach for something bigger than that to change my life.. Now do I think I was gonna reach that amount playing BJ NO, but it has taught me a lesson I needed to learn.. I'm only 21 and don't have the pressures of adulthood breathing down on me.. I feel if I can stay away from the carni games and just stick to poker than I can possibly change my fortunes.. So best advice I have is if you think it can change your family's future in a positive way and your wife will come around to support you than continue to play!
 
L

lazurus

Rising Star
Bronze Level
Joined
Dec 6, 2014
Total posts
8
Chips
0
Riffle, It took me many years to understand poker can be profitable if you treat it like a business. And at any point in a business, something can happen like you say but preparation is the only way to deal with something like that. Hopefully no health incident will stop me from playing because I always told myself that nothing could stop my body from touching those chips unless I was dead. And you brought up a good point such as a support network. Recently, I have final tabled the poker challenge 200k main event ncl and Joe Cada and his friends were on the ship. They were really cool and had great respect for my game as I did for them. They exchanged numbers with me and I am currently trying to evolve it into this support network. I feel I can learn more from them. They are from Michigan and Im from Atlantic city, so the only way it would work is I would have to travel and play with them. Honestly, I dont make much friends I can trust because most of them who play these $62 tournaments are always begging for people to buy them in. I have no respect for these players because they never can build up their bank roll and it has shown time after time, they are always begging for money. However, I do have those local friends who are great players who have built up a similar kind of bank roll like mine and they are trying to chase that poker dream. When you have that support network, it really helps because no body can understand poker for what it really is. It can mean gambling and bad beats for some but for others it can mean timing, mathematics, and good fortune after variance.
 
L

lazurus

Rising Star
Bronze Level
Joined
Dec 6, 2014
Total posts
8
Chips
0
Donkcentral, since you can see that you lost your money to other places than poker, you can see the blackjack problem and its dangerous connection with poker. I had that problem for a while and I understand how even a $1 bet can lead to a 10k bet to chase all the money back. The best way I dealt with that problem was always try to keep your earnings in a bank account or in the safe in the hotel room or even have the casino give you a check. Another way is to understand you can't make money through blackjack but you can have it as a little hobby betting minimum and never going over your head. Its kind of like putting $10 in the machines and playing minimum bet. It has worked for me because I have to see slot machines and blackjack everyday. After toning it down, sometimes I dont even want to put $10 in the machine anymore.
 
Zorba

Zorba

27
Platinum Level
Joined
Jul 21, 2007
Total posts
41,802
Awards
15
AQ
Chips
770
You should never set foot in a casino or poker room again.
Never is a long time, If he fixes his family issues and his tilt issues which are not poker related, He may one day make a living from poker, just not right now, he should be in college.


It's not about choosing the wife or poker. There's more to it than that. Even if it is not poker, I believe that your wife or whoever is close to you should always support your dreams and goals whether it is winning the olympics, opening a business, becoming a professional baseball player. Its all the same concept. The real fact here is I can produce an income through poker. I have people in Atlantic city that knows this and the results from tournament receipts show it as well. This is something that I worked for my whole life and I see myself winning the main event one day. I dedicated so many hours to poker and even when I had nothing, I still did not give up. This time, its even worse because of the circumstances. How did the guy who invented the wiperblade persevere even when his wife left him and believed he could not beat the big american car companies in court? For some, poker maybe a hobby or sport. But for me, its not only a passion but I see it as the door to something bigger in life.
Regarding the bolded part.

Just as you should be supporting her dreams, she has invested 4 years in your relationship, do you know what she wants out of your relationship ? does she want kids ?



If your wife is still there she hasn't given up either.


Fubar, Thanks for the positive outlook on things. I know if I am ever going to make it, I have to hold on to all the money I win from tournaments and cash games. This event can be a wake up call for me or it can also be something that will destroy my poker forever. I really can't decide on what to do or where to go but I will have a sure answer in time. I believe God will always steer someone in the right direction but its still up to us if we want to go in that direction.
Religion and Poker don't mix. God wont help you get that 1 outer in poker every time.

I really hope you can sort out your family problems poker will wait for you, in the mean time you need a job, and to go back to college and finish what you were studying, as you said you were the top of your class, you should be good enough to finish it, there's more money to be made in the business world than there is in the poker world.



.
.
 
veltins

veltins

Legend
Loyaler
Joined
Feb 22, 2013
Total posts
2,756
Awards
2
JP
Chips
66
I have only told two people in my life they should give up gambling - one inherited 30k when his mom died and shredded thru it in a matter of months playing poker with a group of semi pros who were miles better than him. He ignored my advice and I haven't spoken to him in 6 months. The other I told in the middle of a blackjack game and it was a little sarcastic - he continued to gamble 5 more years but I saw him in October at a restaurant and he told me he hadn't gambled in 6 months and now had 12 grand in the bank - also that he lost at least 20 grand a year prior to quitting. Since I don't know you I can't say you should quit but maybe give it some serious thought.

You remind me of my yesteryears in 2004..i remember that night in star City Casino in Sydney when one of my friend won $4.9 Million AUD on bacarat. i was begging him to stop when he dropped 500k from that.. i told him so many times that it will Change his life for ever.. he played 36 hours straight till nxt mrng.. there was still 4.2 mil $ left in Casino ac. we were prepared to go home when i asked him to take Minimum 200k to give at home to his wife. he took 200k n went home. he told me that he ll call us before he ll come to Play again.. that day in the evening when we reached we heard that he has blown up whole 4 Million $ by playin alone. God knows what happened . he never called us that he s coming to Play. i guess Casino drugged him or did somthing to him. Any way my Point is i was begging him to stop so many times , after he lost it all he came to me saying that he should have listened to me . but then it was way too late.. i was speechless and so were many of our friends .
 
Top