Funny poker quotes

Hi, I am currently in the middle of a website project and I desperately need some amusing poker quotes, preferably with the name of the person who said it.

Anyone able to help ?

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ~Steven Wright

"In the poker game of life, women are the rake" - Worm (Ed Norton) in Rounders

"Poker is like sex - everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing." -Dutch Boyd

"It is easy to smile at an insult and pretend it's funny when the person insulting you is hosing you with money."
-Alfred Alvarez

"Money isn't everything...unless you're playing in a rebuy tournament."
-Unknown

"It's morally wrong to let a suck keep money."
-canada Bill Jones

poker,poker, it's all skill, put your money in bad and go uphill.
Mike Matasow

People would be surprised to know how much I learned about prayer from playing poker - Mary Austin.

If you're playing a poker game and look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you - Paul Newman.

mcobbs09 said:

"Even Your Poker Face Is Ugly" sounds like the best one lol..

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lol, that is funny...can't take credit though, saw it on an avatar.

Show me a good looser and ill show you a looser - Stuart Ungar Jr the Third

"You played that hand like a vegan." - Erick Lindgren to Daniel Negreanu

"They say poker is a zero-sum game. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero." Max Shapiro

Stu_Ungar said:

Show me a good looser and ill show you a looser - Stuart Ungar Jr the Third

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uh..... Looser...... looser what?

do you mean loser?

I'm not the "spelling police" just trying to make sense of it.

"poker is like sex, it's funner when you go allin"

I saw it on a shirt

"you'll be fiine" (istan from pokerstars)


"Your shorter than a midget in quicksand" (istan from pokerstars)

"I've earned money in so many ways throughout my life that I can't remember all of those jobs. However, I remember nearly every detail about how I won money in any poker game."

"If you don't know who the sucker is within 30 minutes of sitting down at the table... than your the sucker" (Matt Damon in a movie "Rounders")

Good luck with your site and hope you share it with us !!

You can only play pocket jacks 3 ways, all of which are wrong.

:joyman: It don't matter if the mule is blind you still gotta load the wagon.