Frustration Management and Downswing Domination Guide

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lontrus

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Hello world!

As this is my 75th post, I thought I'd make it a little special and share some general lessons that have kept me going through a massive, ongoing downswing.

Disclaimer: These are lessons learned over my experiences that I'm simply sharing with you. I express my opinions with conviction but please don't take it the wrong way. I'm not trying to force my opinions on you or anything. I want to offer some encouragement and guidance for less experienced players who might be in a similar situation and feeling down.

Let's face it, no matter how hard you try, there are times you simply cannot beat the odds. Let me paint you a picture.

You're halfway through a mid-stakes tournament - pleased that you've made it this far but not yet comfortable. You've been waiting for your moment to double up and move ahead. The Kings have heard your silent pleas for help and they arrive before you, taking your hand to inspire you with confidence. Their presence means one thing, hope for the future - possibly even redemption. You've been waiting to launch your offense and this is your moment.

You're the first to act so you place a significant raise. Everyone folds except the biggest fish at the table and now you're both in the hand. He calls your bets until the turn where you are confident that you have him. There's no Ace on the board and you are certain he does not have pocket rockets.

So you shove all in. You can't give him another card so you know it's your only choice to win. If he folds, your stack gets a decent bump. If he calls, you double up.

He calls to reveal a 97o.

For a split second you're like "wha..." but there's no time to finish that thought. A sharp tingling sensation flashes up from behind your neck that you can't define because it's all happening so fast. (Hint: It's called impending doom.)

He hits his 10 on the river giving him a straight and you, no hope for the future.

You stare at his parting words (ex: hahalololahahaha omg lolll) as you're kicked off the mid-stakes tournament you had been saving up for all month. Whatever, you brush it off, call it a bad beat, vow to make a fish stew out of him later and move on. You're experienced at the game so this is nothing new. You'll do better next time.

But, my brave padawan, this is the real world. There is no mercy in this land.

And so, the same damn thing proceeds to happen next time, then every time and eventually, every hand...

FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF MONTHS.

MONTHS.....

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNTTTHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT




*deep breath*








Your downswing defies all logic. It simply cannot be possible to have such bad luck for so long. The game must be rigged against you. There's all that algorithm sneaky stuff going on. There's no way that this is a balanced arena.

Or maybe it's just the proof you need to confirm that this is not the game for you. Maybe it's time to give it up and spend that money on a vacation with the wife, a few video games for your son, some charitable cause that vibes with you... just... SOMETHING more deserving than the the nits who stole your taste for the cards and the table.

Anyway, dramatic storytelling aside, this is my life right now. I'm writing this to tell you about my strategies that helped me not just survive, but thrive during this phase - never losing my spirit and sense of optimism for my future in the game.

My experiences over the last 3 months have left me bewildered. But they would have kept me bitter had they happened 5 years ago. At some points, the barrage of bad beats were just plain merciless. Every time it went to a showdown, the opponent would suck out. I would literally laugh as I predicted that I'm going to lose the hand even if I was ahead at the moment simply because my opponent called.

So how do I keep myself going?

Here are 5 general guidelines that summarize my systematic framework for approaching the game. This is a high-level breakdown that has more to do with my foundational, scientific view of poker and how rigidly conforming to it helps me be sensitive to its nuances, freeing up my mind to make the best calls. I also cover some philosophies/beliefs that I apply to my game.

1. Force Poker to Fit Your World View 2. Put a Lid On Your Ego
3. Proactively Cool off
4. Patience is a Virtue
5. I'm #1



1. Force poker to fit your world view

I view the complete poker player as someone who has many weapons in his arsenal that he (Or she... I'll use 'he' for the rest of the article because I speak as a dude) applies depending on the situation. Over my time playing poker, I've aimed at mastering these prime ingredients, namely and in no particular order:

- Reputation
- Math (Probabilities and statistics in particular)
- Position
- Stack size
- Opponent temperament
- Mind game
- Timing

I'm skipping some smaller ones but I'm generally covered if I stick to these. (Aside: There are endless writings about the first five but the most meaningful to me are the mind game and time but those are other books I'll write another day.) You can have your own variations and understanding of key ingredients but these are my weapons within the scope of the table. When one fails, I use another. Sometimes I use a few at the same time, and sometimes, I'm in god mode so I go all out and slay big pot after pot.

My point is that understanding these ingredients (not necessarily in these terms) is key to making sense of it all. You have to deconstruct the game in a manner that fits YOUR world view. That's when you're in a position to master each element independently and control the game. The alternative is that the game will break you and fit you into its world, where you lie among countless others - at the bottom.

When all your weapons fail it's not because they are weak. It's just because you haven't understood them fully. I've had to remind myself of this every day and force myself to dig deeper into each element despite the blows to my spirit as a poker player.

It is CRUCIAL to break the game down in this manner. Figure out the components that are significant to you and approach the game applying the scientific method if you want to keep going. If you really have hopes and dreams for the game, set them aside for now and become a student. Distance yourself from the absurdity of the board and analyze, reflect, meditate. This approach helped remove my emotional involvement when faced with an onslaught of crushing bad beats. Most importantly, it helped me leave all that frustration and negativity at the table.

You don't want to lose a game only to smash the keyboard, yell at the dog and stub your toe on the bedpost before you cry yourself to sleep.

At least limit it to just losing the game and crying yourself to sleep.

You will take many beatings but learn to endure them with class.



2. Put a Lid on Your Ego

There is a vast divide between learning something in a controlled environment at your leisure (generally what we do at school), vs learning it in the real world via experience. The final test of whether you've truly learned something is being able to execute it in the real world, at will and on-demand.

After a nice and still ongoing career in a couple of domains, poker is the sphere that has intrigued me the most. Philosophically speaking, it's the battle between order and chaos. The solution for the absolute chaos represented by the poker table, is perfect order - and that's what you should bring to the table.

This is easy to grasp in theory but hard to execute.

This is where my ego comes into play and how it has only slowed me down. I've had many, many crushing defeats over the years and that's a normal thing. A sign of maturity is how you deal with a significant loss. As a younger hotshot, my ego would take a huge blow over ultimately insignificant losses as I was so emotionally involved in what I was playing. I would take everything so PERSONALLY and that just led to me unloading all my emotions unproductively. Typically I would take a hit, double down and go harder and harder until I imploded. Since I was not humble, the game would humble me and at the end of the day all my ego did was waste a lot of time.

I ultimately accepted that just because my conceptual understanding of things did not pay off in practice does not mean I'm useless (meaning, don't take your mistakes personally), it just means I gathered another point of data to help me close the gap between my theory and practice in the real world.

That's all it is really.

3. Proactively Cool Off

This is so important as a student. Learn how to simply move your ass and do something you find relaxing when you're frustrated. I usually take a smoke break or just go to bed.

Nothing in the world will change if you take a break. But if you do this, you can save some money in your world, so give it a shot.

As usual though, it's easier said than done but mastering this is super, super important. If you can't control yourself, you won't control the game.

I also make sure there are things for me to do at home so I can distract myself with household chores when I'm angry. For example, I like doing the dishes or cleaning the living room to blow off steam. The best part is that I'm always surprised at how quickly the wave of negative energies wash over me when I actually focus on some other task.

Work works 100% of the time.

4. Patience is a Virtue

There's something that I know for a fact. Every downswing is temporary. It does not matter how long you have to endure but it will end. When you recognize the indicators and establish that you are in one, there are several practical steps you can take to ride it out.

The most significant one for me is to lower my stakes or stick to freerolls. This strategy has saved me a lot of money over this period. Rather than banging my head against the wall, I choose to lower the stakes and analyze the cards. After all, the cards I receive should be independent of the stakes I play for. Now without the pressure of losing my hard-earned money (a strong distraction), I'm in a position to focus on the hands I play and really look at what the hell is going on.

I applied this in my best manner so far last night. It was just a regular freeroll for $50 and there were 4000 entries. I got booted at around position 350. But I gotta tell you, it was the best game I ever played. I was focused, I was sharp, I was patient and I was furious. (Starving myself for the last two days has something to do with the last part. Hunger makes me alert.)

I made no mistakes and I relied on luck only twice. (Relying on luck means I'm about to get kicked off the tournament in an all-in situation and I need the cards to favor me.) The first time was when I was about to get blinded out early on and I went all-in. Fortunately, I survived as I hit a flush on the river. The second time was right at the end when I was behind BB and everyone else folded. I had pocket 8s and shoved all in. He took his time and ultimately called. He revealed an AKo and hit a King on the river.

But you see?

I relied on luck twice. I won once and I lost once. From that perspective, I'm not on a downswing, I'm precisely at 50-50.

The rest of the time, I was getting no favors from my cards. I had to rely on my ability to read my opponents, figure out when my middle pair was stronger than whatever they had (for example), call their bluffs and take down pots with bluffs of my own.

Something really clicked in me during that game and I realized - this is how poker is meant to be played. The moment I lost was when I relied on luck. Today morning, I woke up and realized something that we say a lot as poker players, and it's only taken me 10 years to get here.

Poker is a game of skill.

We minimize our reliance on luck by maximizing our understanding of the game. I seem to be going in a direction where my next step is to eradicate luck from the table entirely and never depend on it - unless I just want to roll the dice and have some fun.

Please keep in mind that I placed in the final 10% in this tournament during a heavy downswing but, I never felt frustrated or like I was losing. I was in complete control. The placement itself is no big deal but the manner in which I played was new. It seems like I've learned enough to bring myself out of the downswing and I'll test it on another freeroll later today.

And then I'll do it again and again until I prove it to myself without a shadow of a doubt because...

5. I'm #1

Ultimately, what's kept me at the table this long is a simple belief.

I am the best.

I'm not trying to be arrogant. It's confidence grounded on the facts of my life. No one here has any reason to believe me because I haven't proved anything yet and that's okay. I don't blame you.

But I am coming. I'm just letting you know before it happens.

How does this help you?

My point is, you have to learn how to believe in yourself before anyone believes in you. You have to know who you are and you have to know what you stand for. You have to know your name before anyone else recognizes it. A lot of you have encouraging people in your life so be grateful for them. I did not (in fact, I had the opposite) and I did everything myself. But that just fueled me and I managed my rage, disappointments and frustrations by working harder and harder and harder. The tables turn eventually and now I cannot be challenged in my areas of expertise. So I'm off to prove everything I am capable of in every domain that interests me. I know it will be easy and I know it will be fun.

But what happens if I don't make it to the official #1 spot in the poker world?

Well, clearly, then I am wrong but at least I tried. I'm okay with that.


---------------------------------------------------------------------


So my friends, fellow students, and soon-to-be #2s, that about covers the lessons I have learned (the hard way) that I wanted to share with you today. Be sensible and responsible as you approach the harsh realities of poker life but always keep the spirit alive because it gets easier over time and it is FUN.

Poker is whatever you make of it. Just don't make it out to be your boss.

See you in the arena. ;)
 
Last edited:
Polytarp

Polytarp

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Very articulate post! And it was interesting banter during the PS game today. I had to leave otherwise I would not have gone down in flames with such bad cards ..are you really Estonian?
Are you a computer programmer (the "Hello world"..)?

What I liked in your post was that you used your anger/frustration in a beneficial manner. I think it was Larry Holmes (the boxer) who said that anger is a waste of energy.

CC has a regular game on ACR that has some very good players. I haven't played much poker until this PStars bounty series so I try to snag some of the CC games when I'm around.


Anyways good luck and see you at the tables!
 
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lontrus

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Very articulate post! And it was interesting banter during the PS game today. I had to leave otherwise I would not have gone down in flames with such bad cards ..are you really Estonian?
Are you a computer programmer (the "Hello world"..)?

What I liked in your post was that you used your anger/frustration in a beneficial manner. I think it was Larry Holmes (the boxer) who said that anger is a waste of energy.

CC has a regular game on ACR that has some very good players. I haven't played much poker until this PStars bounty series so I try to snag some of the CC games when I'm around.


Anyways good luck and see you at the tables!

Thanks for checking it out! Managed to get second place last night and well, thanks for giving me your last chip, haha.

It would be nice to join you on ACR some time but, unfortunately, I only play on PS as it's the only legal online poker option in Estonia.

Regarding the anger comment, I've found it to be true (conditionally). By that I mean, anger is good fuel to succeed but it's quite useless if you direct it towards other people. My coping mechanism is usually to direct it inwards and channel it into the task at hand (no pun intended).

Cheers mate, good luck at your tables.
 
Vallet

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If you were able to identify important rules and adhere to them, then you are on the right track. Probably everyone has their own rules, just not all of us have realized this for many years of the game.
 
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fundiver199

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Maybe it was just written for the drama, but if you are “kicked off the mid-stakes tournament, you have been saving up for all month”, it makes little sense to talk about a “downswing”. A “downswing” is something, that take place over a significant sample like 100 tournaments or more. Or, if you are a cash game player, over 10.000 hands or more. Anything below that is just a blip.
 
delirium1129

delirium1129

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Lol I think I need a week to process this text)) But I like your style and will process it ;-)
 
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