The feeling of losing vs the feeling of winning

DonSifu

DonSifu

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Why does winning not feel as awesome as losing feels bad?
This question has been on my mind for quite some time now. We all do it; we all have that one hand, that one story that we have to tell everybody; that one time when you played so perfectly, trapped so deceptively, and then lost to a one outer. You remember the day, the time, the weather, what the villain was wearing, what exact suits the cards were; every minute detailis stored forever in your ‘bad beat brain’.
But what about when you win? For me, I can’t tell you how I got there; what exact hands led me to the win, how the betting went down on that final bubble hand. So why is that? Why do remember our losses with so much more reverence than our wins?
So far I can’t even begin to figure out why. But I do knowthat when I’m winning, I’m in that Zen state of mind; that ‘right nowness’ that allows you to be in the moment fully, and to only focus on that exact moment in time so that you’re making the best decisions. Often when I win, it’s like I was in some kind of trance, and not until after it’s over that I start to think back about key hands that got me there; of course there are a couple that will always stand out, but what about the hundreds of other hands that you played toget the win? What about that amazing fold to that four bet when you had queens?Or when you were able to sniff out that bluff holding only middle pair? Why don’t we remember those hands in detail?
Then there is the feeling. When you lose that that suck out,your heart drops into your stomach, your temper boils, and steam and moan andgroan. You want to throw chairs and punch faces. There is no worse feeling in the world than losing like that. Poker is a cruel game, where you can do everything right and still lose. But when you win? It’s not nearly the same. For me, it’s more of a feeling of accomplishment, but something that I deserved and earned. I know I can win, so when I do, it’s more like finishing a project than claiming a victory.
Perhaps it’s because when we’re losing, all we can do is analyze and dissect the hand, looking for where we went wrong, so we study andstudy and study until those losers are stuck in our minds forever. But when you’re winning, you don’t have time to study; you simply win and move forward, focusing on the task at hand.
They say you should have a short memory when it comes to bad beats, but perhaps the opposite is true; better to have a short memory about winning, so that you’re always focused on that next victory.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on winnig vs losing, thanks!
 
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MPaz_87

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It happens, the same for me. I can remember that exactly terrible hand in which I had the worst bad beat ever , I remember everything, even how much I raise.
But when I make it to a final table I can't remember a single hand that made get there, it's like someone else's been playing for me and I've only played final table.I don't know why it happens.
The feeling of losing last longer than feeling of winning,and It takes you down for a few days, to me at least.
 
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jcsplus4

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Oh yes, we all have that story. Mine was, I had KJ suited, was big blind.
The button raised, minimum. I call, the flop, K J 6, he bet, I raise, he
re-raised. I said, I know you have pocket AA, but I have you beat. I go
all in, He calls with AA, I have 2 pair. He hit a 6 on river, fell like I am
going to be sick. 5 years later we still talk about it.:confused:
 
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MPaz_87

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Oh yes, we all have that story. Mine was, I had KJ suited, was big blind.
The button raised, minimum. I call, the flop, K J 6, he bet, I raise, he
re-raised. I said, I know you have pocket AA, but I have you beat. I go
all in, He calls with AA, I have 2 pair. He hit a 6 on river, fell like I am
going to be sick. 5 years later we still talk about it.:confused:

That's horrible!! Terrible bad beat, but it happens all the time. I've lost lot of times like that.
Remember once I had 99 in middle possition, UTG makesa 4 bet and I call. Everyone else fold. The flop is 629, he raise big time, I re raise, he goes all in, I call he had set of 6, but the turn brings another 6 so he got the nuts and I'm out.
 
starting_at_the_bottom

starting_at_the_bottom

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Most people think they are better at poker than the actually are, so when they win they feel that they deserve it.

Contrast this to when they lose, they struggle to come to terms with this as they (beleive they are the best at the table) and deserve to win.
 
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SlavaUa

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I think that is the same as in our life someone will remember all the good you do for him, but if heppens something bad, it is the end, all good is forgoten. Maybe the same happens in poker
 
VGShaa

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For me earlier losses were heavy, I do not know why I often lose big hands, why I did not get a draw, why I have no luck .. I'm lost and took a break from the game for a month. When I won I fell I chustvoval confidence surge of strength, willingness to play and win it all)) Now I am much easier to bear defeat and victory, go to their task, I try not to beat
 
10058765

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Oh yes, we all have that story. Mine was, I had KJ suited, was big blind.
The button raised, minimum. I call, the flop, K J 6, he bet, I raise, he
re-raised. I said, I know you have pocket AA, but I have you beat. I go
all in, He calls with AA, I have 2 pair. He hit a 6 on river, fell like I am
going to be sick. 5 years later we still talk about it.:confused:

What ???:eek:
5 Years later you're still talking about losing to an 8-outer on the river ?

Back to topic....it's mindset.
Just like you can improve in the technical/tactic aspects of the game (math,tactics,how to play a hand etc) you can also improve in the mental part of the game.

I remember a few hands from years ago....one of them winning due to a 1-outer on the river, one due to losing to a 1-outer on the river.
Why do I remember ?
Because at that time I had very little experience and so these hands made me feel like "wow, this is about impossible".
I wasn't prepared to expect the unexpected.

Now, I know just about anything can happen and I kinda trained my brain to accept every hand for what it is.....history.

So, I may feel good after winning and may feel disappointed about losing, but next day I really won't remember what happened.

What I will remember tho, is, no matter if I won or lost, when I played a hand terrible....
That keeps hanging in my mind and can get me thinking all day long.
 
kolecgoclaw

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What ???:eek:
5 Years later you're still talking about losing to an 8-outer on the river ?

Back to topic....it's mindset.
Just like you can improve in the technical/tactic aspects of the game (math,tactics,how to play a hand etc) you can also improve in the mental part of the game.

I remember a few hands from years ago....one of them winning due to a 1-outer on the river, one due to losing to a 1-outer on the river.
Why do I remember ?
Because at that time I had very little experience and so these hands made me feel like "wow, this is about impossible".
I wasn't prepared to expect the unexpected.

Now, I know just about anything can happen and I kinda trained my brain to accept every hand for what it is.....history.

So, I may feel good after winning and may feel disappointed about losing, but next day I really won't remember what happened.

What I will remember tho, is, no matter if I won or lost, when I played a hand terrible....
That keeps hanging in my mind and can get me thinking all day long.


+1
well said Ron
I have to agree with you :D
 
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jbird6803

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For me the losses hurt so much more because they're usually caused by own stupidity or hubris.
 
DonSifu

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excellent responses from all of you! I always try to improve my game, and this year my big focus is on losing without getting upset. So far it's working; i focus on weather or not I played the hand the best possible way, and if I did, then I can't be upset about losing. If I didn't, then I review what I did wrong and try to learn from it. All this has helped me be a 'better loser'.
As for winning, I agree that we feel like we deserve it, and that yes, we all overrate our skills. But I think winning comes from being in 'the zone' and not focusing on the past or future.
Meh, IDK, poker is a strange game, and I love it! I suppose that's the only truth for me.
 
DarthTuna

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Losing only feels bad when i beat myself. Someone else beating me isn't so bad, that is just part of the game.
Winning only feels good if i'm in a MTT. Oh the glory...
 
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pain_pain_go_away

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What is true for poker, is often true for life. No one ever talks about how polite the waiter was in some restaurant but, if he was rude you'll here all about it. They won't mention how quickly they got served at the bank, but they will tell you how long they had to que for. There's no word of someone finding a tenner, but God forbid they happen to lose one!
Human nature my friend, just good old human nature.
They say bad news travels around the world before good news puts his shoes on.
 
crazyangel88

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same for me when i win any tournament i dont feel nothing special bicause i know i play nice and im good but when i get bad beats or i have bad days i fell verry bad . This is strange for exaple go to play poker to play for money what you feel when you lose ? NOTHING :)) and is same poker . But i cannot play poker to play for money just for real money . I need to change my mind and stop felling bad when i lose ugly .
 
VizziVizo

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Early or lately it happens with everyone, really I am angry when I loosse and Do not feel any emotions when I win, it is classic for poker player, do not know real reason about it?
 
S3mper

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It's not only remembering suck outs and bad beats more then remembering how we won..

It is almost everything poker related or not..

For instance if I'm playing poker and I win $100... It's not that big of a deal.. It feels good for awhile but then not long after I feel like I should be constantly winning $100+ and anything under isn't as good.

However if I lose $100.. It is a big deal.. I just lost $100!!!

Winning doesn't feel as good as losing feels bad.
 
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titomurcia1214

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In poker winning feeling is very good, poker player itself as a somewhat high ego, but we must also know how to handle defeats
 
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MPaz_87

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excellent responses from all of you! I always try to improve my game, and this year my big focus is on losing without getting upset. So far it's working; i focus on weather or not I played the hand the best possible way, and if I did, then I can't be upset about losing. If I didn't, then I review what I did wrong and try to learn from it. All this has helped me be a 'better loser'.
As for winning, I agree that we feel like we deserve it, and that yes, we all overrate our skills. But I think winning comes from being in 'the zone' and not focusing on the past or future.
Meh, IDK, poker is a strange game, and I love it! I suppose that's the only truth for me.

That's a great improvement ! I'm trying to do the same, it's sucks when you're bad beatting over and over again even if you play the hand correctly.
I used to be upset all the time with every single lost hand, now I try to calm myself and think that it's not the end of the world and next time would be better.
It makes you a better player.
 
dexon303

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It will help a lot if you study the mental game a bit more, there are some concepts you have to understand when it comes to how learning works, how performance over time works, and how your brain reacts to certain things.

The thing is when you make a call you know you shouldn't have made, you think you know the correct way to play the hand. But what it is is your mind is saying it needs more proof in that spot, you have not done enough work for your mind to really know that you should fold in that spot.

You should also understand, that for any performer in any competitive environment, there is a natural fluctuation in the level of performance, sometime you play your best, sometimes you don't, it's the way it goes for anyone who plays often enough, and not only when they feel tip top and 100% perfectly.

You need to learn to accept:
#1 Variance in your performance, it WILL happen
#2 Poker is about learning, if you spotted something you did wrong (a leak, mistake), you have a great opportunity to do more work on that particular aspect, you review more hands on a daily basis that all go about these spots, and that is the way you train your mind to really know better next time.
#3 Accepting both these things, will take a lot of pressure of your playing, and it frees up mindspace you can use on your decision making (because you aren't frustrated, or get emotional from not performing your absolute best all the time), thus will automatically also increase your level of performance overal.

Hope it helps

(p.s. if you always feel bad after feeling poker, no matter how you performed in quality or results, you are probably better of like people mentioned before to do something else with your time/for money)
 
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I love when I'm winning , it feels so good. But , it sucks to be on a loosing streak , I don't want to experience it. I mean , i lost some chips in poker. I lost more than I won and I hate it.
 
DonSifu

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You should also understand, that for any performer in any competitive environment, there is a natural fluctuation in the level of performance, sometime you play your best, sometimes you don't, it's the way it goes for anyone who plays often enough, and not only when they feel tip top and 100% perfectly.

well said sir!
 
rock0001

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well if you win the sunday million for example you will feel pretty awesome even if you have a bad streak afterwards. i guess it depends on which tournament you win or lose.
also when you play on a tournament your expectations are that you are going to win or at least be in the money however when this doesnt happen you are going to feel very frustated and if something that you dont want to happen occurs it hurts more than something you expect it to happen.
 
PLAYINBIG

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Losing always seems to feel worse than winning feels great.Unless you won a major event in a live tournament like a wsop or wpt tournament.Then your gonna always remember that moment. I think good players try to forget about the bad beats because it would affect your game.
 
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It's not about how hard we go down, but rather; how quick we get up!
 
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