Dealing with family and gfs...I play poker.

T

turby

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Right. Let's face it.. there's a stigma (in certain parts of the world/with certain ppl; ie: fundamentalists of almost any religion..) behind POKER; what we all so dearly love that we spend hours on it daily/weekly.. and raise our blood pressure over suckouts etc etc...

But how do we deal with those closest who may hold such a stigma over it....

For example.. a really conservative gf.

I'm from Malaysia.. a little country in South-east Asia but I consider myself quite liberal being educated in the UK. But my gf recently found out about my poker playing and puts in it in the category of 'gambling' and was shocked that I only let her know about my recent 2kUSD (3 months ago) win just recently...

So a few issues she has cropped up:
1) Poker is evil..it's gambling!
2) I don't trust her, I didn't tell her about the winnings earlier
3) I bought stuff with the winnings for her.. which she considers to be 'Dirty money'

Sorry if I'm turning this into an agony aunt column but does anyone else face such problems? And if so, how the hell do I deal with it?

I've told her I'm going to have the 'poker talk' (we were long distance for a few weeks but now I'm back home) where I was going to tell her how poker is a game of skill and about bank management...
 
BelgoSuisse

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I can understand having vastly different values from your family and it posing a problem. But with your girlfriend? Unlike your parents, you can actually choose a girlfriend with whom you actually share some basic values.

I don't know how we can give you any advise on how to explain her that poker is not an evil thing and that the money is not dirty, because any argument would be based on reason, and reason is not something that conservative people are really open to.

The trust thing she may have a point.
 
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Ecomdan

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Suck to be you.

My gf isn't really against poker, she's just against wasting money. as long as i win when i play live games there's no problem ;)
 
Debi

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I would have the conversation with her - but honestly if she still feels the same way I would be looking for a new girlfriend.
 
tpb221

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dakota-xx said:
I would be looking for a new girlfriend.
Click to expand...

This. Why spend time with someone that hates and thinks what you do is evil? Find a better girl. Maybe one that plays poker.
 
Snowmobiler

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Time for the speech!

If this is causing problems while you are BF/GF then watch out if you let this get anymore serious.

When I meet someone new,I make sure they completely understand that when it comes to my life,I make the decisions.I also do not get involved in my partners decisions unless asked.Live and Let live.If she cant get pass this then it will be all up hill from here!Its not weather poker is evil or dirty,Its about being your own man and making your own decisions without being judged.

When I 1st told my wife that I wanted to work at getting good at poker ,she wished me luck and let me do my thing! If you want a good relationship then this is a necessity IMO.

If your GF still has a problem with it,time to move on and find someone new that will let you live your life, without all the crap that comes with someone that wants to control your life.

Honestly if she is this judgemental over a simple card game,imagine how bad it likely will be when the issues involve kids,jobs,family, ect.

Choose your mate wisely,You will be far better off in the longrun if you pick someone that supports you in desires/goals. One thing I have learned,if your mate is controling and judgemental then it gets worse the longer you are together.Dont make the mistake to think she will change,That type of personality is always looking to change you.

Good luck with things,and Gl with your decision.




Snow :cool:
 
Snowmobiler

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Duke0424 "If she's worth it to you, you might as well quit because you will never win this argument. If she is worth it to you, show her how much she means to you by quitting something that you love."



This is the WORST advice I have ever heard.
If You are worth it to Her,she would never ask you to stop something you love to do!If you quit to prove to her your love, then be prepared to live your life by her silly rules!




Snow :cool:
 
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damon789

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poker and gfs

Hate to tell ya turby but poker is gambling, and chicks just dont wanna

except that u have fun doing something that doesnt include them. If it isnt

drinkin with the boys or viewing net porn,... well they gotta get stuck into you

about some thing huh?
 
Snowmobiler

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Duke0424 said:
That's a pretty close minded and shallow thing to say because in her mind, she's trying to protect him from something that she thinks is evil and could corrupt him. If you look at it that way, she's trying to help him because she believes that he is worth it to her.

Obviously, I don't know who's worth it to who but I'm just throwing out scenarios.
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If your idea of someone "protecting you" is to "tell" you what is "evil and dirty",then go ahead.

I think I have my own moral compass and good brain to decide what is "evil and dirty"

What next,she thinks driving a car is "evil and dirty",or you having friends other than her is "evil and dirty".

Caring for someone is supporting them in ther goals and living with their reasonable faults.If this fault is unreasonable to her then she should move on!



Snow :cool:
 
Stu_Ungar

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Personally I have to agree with Snow.

Its not really a poker issue. Its a control issue.

His GR wants him to quit something he enjoys because she does not agree with it.

In long term relationships there will be many disagreements. So for a successful happy relationship, both sides have to be able to reach compromises and also to respect each other's space.

Now if he were spending every free minute playing, then a comprimise would be needed. The compromise being to play less so that they could do things together.

If he were losing every spare dollar he had, then again a comprimise would need to be reached. He can play poker but has to stick to a monthly budget.

Both of these seem reasonable compromises.

To say that he cannot play at all because his GF dosent like it is neither a comprimise nor respecting his personal space.

If they cant come to an agreement on something like this, how will they be able to rech agreements on more serious issues?
 
Snowmobiler

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Duke0424 said:
Obviously there is a difference in values here. You have to look at it from her perspective, I don't think she's doing anything that's horribly wrong. In her head, she thinks she's doing what is best for her, him, and their future family.

Playing poker is different from driving a car, I think your example is a little extreme. Playing poker is something that is really looked down upon, and with good reason, by a lot of different types of people. Everyone has their own opinion but a difference in opinion isn't a reason to end the relationship without a compromise. Unfortunatley, I don't think it's just a mere opinion that they're differing on. There's a lot of principle involved in this.

Obviously if poker is that important to him, and she is that far against gambling, then it is time for both of them to move on.

Either way, I hope everything works out for you, turby.
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Its NOT about poker! Its about control and she is taking it. She is letting him know its going to be her way!

I also dont see it as necessary to "look at it her way".He is picking a mate,not trying to get a job.


I also disagree with your statement "playing poker is something that is looked down upon,and with good reason".
Please help me with what these "good reasons" are in this situation?




Snow :cool:
 
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Sorry you have a gf that feel that way about poker...thank gd I have a husband who thinks I am very good at the game and encourages me all the time.....Yes, some people think it is gambling and others dont. Just keep telling her its a game..And basically it is...a card game...its just you put money on the outcome. Good luck to you.
 
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turby

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Hmm thanks for all the feedback.. I did talk to a poker pal about this and how he went about this (same situation with his gf except minus the trust bit) was that he told her it was a hobby and he wouldn't spend the money except rather let it accumulate in his BR account and he would stop if he lost everything but he overly confident as he is not a losing player... explained about BR and all..

Yeah my GF is one track-minded but among all the vices available to Men.. this is my only vice... We've been quite serious for a year + I guess it comes to compromise.. I try not to play in front of her (well, when's she awake) but I guess at this stage I hope I still can have my cake and eat it. GF's a great gal.. wouldn't want losing her but poker's a good supplementary income/great past-time and well, abit of an addiction. Heh.

Thanks for framing it in diff ways for me guys.. made me think and realise a few things.

Any more thoughts on this is highly appreciated!
 
Snowmobiler

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Duke0424 said:
Okay, I've stated my case, you've stated yours. I'm done arguing about whether it is a control issue or not.

It's looked down upon because it involves lying, deceiving, andtaking other people's money. It is often associated with addiction, bad financial situations, and debt. There are so many reasons that many people are anti-gambling.
Click to expand...


Im sorry you feel we are argueing! I thought we were having an adult conversation ;)

If she is so anti-gambling and has that many reasons,then it doesnt make since why she hasnt moved on.




Snow :cool:
 
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Its not my G/f i have to worry about its my parentals, my Gf will happiuly sit on the sofa and watch TV/ have a laugh with my flatmates whilst i play and will just come out with the comment, "win me a holiday baby" so alls fine there,

its when i go home and talk to my parents about it, theve kinda mellowed out about it now but they used to get at me. When i told them my flatmate won $7000 in a MTT they turned round with ultimate naive parent comment of... "well he could of easily lost it" lol

Parents do make me laugh
 
Stu_Ungar

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I think it is looked down on by some people.. simply because they don't understand it and have never come into contact with anyone who plays. So I guess he has to explain it to her.

Have a look at this thread

https://www.cardschat.com/forum/general-poker-13/movie-about-zeebo-online-poker-pros-154637/

Its quite an interesting video as Zeebo's GF had very similar issues with poker and talks quite frankly about how she felt about it and how she views it now.
 
Stu_Ungar

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Duke0424 said:
Haha, my bad. I thought we were having an adult conversation until you told me that I gave the worst advice ever. :D It's all good, though.

It makes perfect sense, they've been with each other for over a year. Obviously they love each other and it says a lot about her and their relationship that she has been somewhat willing to compromise one of her biggest values for him.
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Well its not a compromise if she is giving him a hard time about it!!! Its an argument which has been going on for some time now!!
 
Snowmobiler

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Duke0424 said:
Haha, my bad. I thought we were having an adult conversation until you told me that I gave the worst advice ever. :D It's all good, though.

It makes perfect sense, they've been with each other for over a year. Obviously they love each other and it says a lot about her and their relationship that she has been somewhat willing to compromise one of her biggest values for him.[/quote

Staying with him just proves its not about her morals and values,its about getting her way! IMO


Snow :cool:
Click to expand...
 
PattyR

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i agree with stu and snow.

its not about poker....its a control issue....

i like the idea of having him to stick to a monthly budget.....great compromise imo
 
T

turby

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No, no, no.. I do spend time with my GF.. Certainly not a control issue. As GFs go, on the scale of controlling GFs.. I can spend time with the bros, chill with other women in clubs (hands to myself I add) and drink (modestly I hastily add!) and she knows about it yet she's fine with it. So, certainly for my situation.. Control is an issue.

About trust, noone's really addressed this. I guess what I'm gonna say to her is that at this point of our lives (we've just completed our courses in Uni/College) and about to enter the working world.. so finances aren't really an issue at the moment and it's really all on a need to know basis. We aren't living together on a permanent basis...

Nice post on that video on "Captain Zeebo."

Thanks again guys.
 
Surf Rat

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now this a tuff issue to resolve(if at all) .... is this a strictly a conservitive religious issue with your GF ? ... cause I don't think you will change her opinion if that is the case....I had this same problem with my mother (who is a conservitive bible belt baptist) when I was up at her house for a weekend after helping as best I can around the house all day ,that night I got on the computer my dad had use'd and downloaded a poker site and was playing in a game when she walked in saw what I was doing and went ballistic...card playing is evil and is satans temptations etc. even the fact that I was in a freeroll and I had not put up any money to play would not change her opinion ....... needless to say I quit playing and deleted the program and do not play (or mention poker)while I am there anymore............if it because of her upbringing(ie family or social circle)a reasonable disscussion could change her mind about it or at least she might meet you halfway and since she has no problem with you drinking alcohol I have to think it can't be religious (unless she is of Irish descent...LOL) and you have a chance at a compromise and will be able to keep her and play poker too....maybe help to even have her over to watch you play a game and get her to be your cheering section...as for her trust issues with you not telling her you were playing poker or that you had won $$$ ......G'LUCK
 
jdeliverer

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Stu_Ungar said:
Its quite an interesting video as Zeebo's GF had very similar issues with poker and talks quite frankly about how she felt about it and how she views it now.
Click to expand...

Then again, I think the way she handles it is extremely stupid, to be frank.
 
Lemlywinks

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BelgoSuisse said:
any argument would be based on reason, and reason is not something that conservative people are really open to.
Click to expand...

Coming from a strictly conservative background but finding myself the liberal "black sheep" QFT sir :p
 
Infamous1020

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BelgoSuisse said:
I can understand having vastly different values from your family and it posing a problem. But with your girlfriend? Unlike your parents, you can actually choose a girlfriend with whom you actually share some basic values.

I don't know how we can give you any advise on how to explain her that poker is not an evil thing and that the money is not dirty, because any argument would be based on reason, and reason is not something that conservative people are really open to.

The trust thing she may have a point.
Click to expand...

yeah this^ is there no way you can possibly try to get her to understand poker?

i mean maybe give up poker for her ;) or give up her for poker haha
 
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