Dealing with emotional anguish

So I'm writing about how to,deal with losing sessions so they don't emotional tear me apart where I can't focus on anything else.

When I have a bad losing session I can't help but dwell on it and shut myself down for the rest of the night and need to stop it as it is seriously unhealthy. I know it's a game of variance. I'm usually pissed at myself for not establishing pot control on a hand or raising enough pre or post flop to get someone out, but I literally shut down emotionally and just can't deal.

Have you found any form of meditation etc. that helps with this. I had my good buddy stack me three times in a row for $800 in a 2-5 game and then couldn't get drinks with him after and just had to go because I could not be social. I'm not a sore loser or someone who blames the dealer etc. just literally I get in this state where for about 3 hours I just can't deal. And I don't want it to continue as I am taking a shot at playing for a living and play about 40 hours a week for the last 6 months. If I can't find a way to control this I feel I will have to give up the game as it is unhealthy and will eventually have a wife and kids one day and don't want to bring this stress back home to them.

For example tonight I literally managed to miss every draw and not flop one set all night (not complaining) and my one big pocket pair in 7 hours was chopped and missed my flush for my last hand losing 1.8 buy ins.

I just get in this state where I have to be alone and can't emotionally deal.

Please help with anything that helps. I know it's a game of variance and running bad is part of it. I just want to be able to lose a session and still function as oppose to having this weird cloud over my head after. Fwiw writing this is helping right now.

Thanks a million

It's a very tough thing to do but something you need to be able to do. I find the best way to get out of a bad session is to do something which also requires all of your focus. A game of football for example. Nothing groundbreaking but it helps me get over it

Only one way to not play poker and do something else...
Rest is also necessary, it is better to do a couple of months without playing.. After this, you will less emotional and stick to your game..

Ask yourself this question:

Why is it so important to you to win?

The root of your problem lies in that answer and what you should do about it depends on that answer.

Is very difficult, really very difficult to play poker and be a winner.
I be down too, it is very sad to lose, but you need to have control of your emotions, knowing that you will lose most of the time, but know that just 1 good day for you to stay positive.
Try to change the way you play, hug the variance, can be work.

Try another format of game for a change.

Maybe you could try to play SNGs or MTTs cause

you can be more relaxed in these games.

You might want to look at what you can control. Missing your draws or hands not holding up are not in your control. Making the correct decision regardless of the results is a win for you. You were able to get in good which over time brings positive results.

Skill portion of this game can be very different among players but luck will run about the same for everyone. Directing your emotions on mistakes gives you plenty of changes to improve and not recognizing those things out of your control is really a wasted effort.

Well dwelling over a losing session can be pretty emotionally taxing.

I suggest taking a different approach next time around - "A more fun approach".
Before sitting at the table make up your mind in such a way that you should be thinking - "alright, i am just going to have some fun tonight". Play the way you feel like and not play to win. Results should not matter.

This might feel like a different experience altogether because right now you seem to be a lot more nervous before and during each session. By changing the approach you should feel more relaxed and at ease with yourself.
The more you feel relaxed, the less stress you'll take and less likely that you'll suffer a mental breakdown later after the session.

Remember "results don't matter" and have fun.:bandit:

Losing is part of every poker player's experience.

You can try to really focus on the skill aspect of the game and consider each losing hand the way suggested already: Did you play the best way possible? Try to focus on being able to answer Yes to that question, no matter the final outcome of the hand. This should help bad beats be a bit less painful.

Skill includes understanding probability well: Are you realistic about how often a "good" hand will not win at showdown? Bad beats suck but they will happen. I have found that the sentence/mantra "so be it" helps me when this happens. Some things are out of our control and variance happens.

Look at your bankroll? Are you playing at stakes that are too high for what you can afford? Is this a factor in your frustration when you lose?

The tilt that you experience may be something you can overcome, if you are willing to work hard to do so. I suggest looking into Jared Tendler's book, "The Mental Game of Poker."

If losing hands eats you up this much, you may just not be cut out for the game. I think there are some personalities that have a harder time playing than others. Try to be honest with yourself to see if you are really enjoying the game. Examine your goals for why you are playing and make sure they are realistic.

TOBY

I can certainly feel your pain. I have been their and had those emotional swings. This is jut my opinion but here it goes. A pro once told me first and foremost no poker player is your friend. I have even been to a home games were it has gotten out of control. You are not playing poker to win friends you are their to take their money. True you can have a buddyy list and all that but they are just online buddys nothing more nothing less.

Secondly: We have all had down swings believe me were we have days that ever thing we play does not pan pout, But you do get throughh them and when you have those dream poker nights it makes it all worth while.

Third if your on a down swing the worst thing you can do is keep playing chasing money never helped any one. Take a break do something fun get your mind off poker and come back and you will be better off for it.

yup i know the feeling hard to deal with but as soon as you do it will be uplifting. there's a number of things that can be done from professional help to just becoming at peace with ones self. but quite frankly i dont have a clue on what all of them are.

i had a girl friend that summed it up in 4 words ahhh get over it. she was kind of mean b**** and is a x girl friend also lol.

good luck with your problemtoby

Nothing causes more emotional distress than the thoughts we think. We must do a better job than we usually do of identifying the thoughts that don’t serve us, disputing them and demanding that they go away, and substituting more useful thoughts.

I certainly feel your pain. For me its my luck, or lack there of. If it weren't for bad luck id have none at all. All to often my flopped sets get flushed, my As get crushed by 57 off, my Ks end up AI again As, and the runner runner bad luck with me is insane. I certainly get frustrated from time to time but i know i usually played my hand the perfect way and just lost to bad luck. When i watch myself get sucked out on i like to say " wish i wasn't part of that, but it was fun to watch". lol i know it sounds weird but i like to laugh at bad beats now rather than getting angry and shutting down. Even if u want to play poker for a living u have to laugh at the bad times. You cant win em all and u must learn to laugh and smile even tho u have lost. If u love poker then just be happy to take part in it. But if ur just trying to get rich quick then well u will certainly be an emotional train wreck both in poker and over aspects of life

RE

I have also learned that when I do not take it to seriously and Just have fun I do far better. the other thing is you can have fun if you never ever play with scared money or chase the money you lost

I m emotional in life and that reflect on my play,when i m on the bad losing session i can not stop to play.This is not the good way to becaume a good player but some time you just can not do the best and you transform your self on the easy target...

remove yourself from the monetary value. Use proper bankroll management. Check if its really a downswing or there is a leak on your game. There is always a room for improvement.

Best thing I did when i found myslef in the same situation was to take a step back and analyze the game. It took me a bit to figure out you cant always win or run good so to speak. The quicker you realize that poker has its ups and downs the better you can deal with swings and variance. Goodluck out there.

When I get hung up like this, I focus on what got me here In the first place.
Once I establish this, I put it to good use.

For example:
I Always have the memory of a good session to fall back on.
Use this against yourself.
To get a better understand of the key elements that are driving you down this road.

Nice post . I would like to say I would always ask myself a couple questions and I have to be honest with myself .

Did I play the player or position , situation the way my style sees fit to play it ?
Were my reads on and was i sticking with my reads ?
I know theres nothing I can do if my cards are 2nd best , or not hitting at all .
I just told a freind of mine that if he recognizes this happening that he should stop playing and play tomarrow and limit the amount of money lost.
You have to realize what is mistakes and what is not working for you to make the descission but you can do that and bounce back .

Good Skill at the Tables

for each puzzle to always a solution

joe777 said:

Try another format of game for a change.

Maybe you could try to play SNGs or MTTs cause

you can be more relaxed in these games.

Click to expand...

I am new to poker , I am fascinated by the emotions that the game causes , thanks for your suggestion , for each puzzle to always a solution , emotional balance is part of the game

Good Skill at the Tables

gus201 said:

Nice post . I would like to say I would always ask myself a couple questions and I have to be honest with myself .

Did I play the player or position , situation the way my style sees fit to play it ?
Were my reads on and was i sticking with my reads ?
I know theres nothing I can do if my cards are 2nd best , or not hitting at all .
I just told a freind of mine that if he recognizes this happening that he should stop playing and play tomarrow and limit the amount of money lost.
You have to realize what is mistakes and what is not working for you to make the descission but you can do that and bounce back .

Click to expand...

good skill at the table is really what I needed to understand to seek more emotional balance and a certain tranquility , that peace of mind to do the right thing

My honest advise to you, is don't play poker or gamble. If losing fks with you so much, its best for you to just not play.

Poker Ace

Sometimes when I'm sure I've won, only to have some all-in gas-bag from The Czech Republic beat me with a last-minute entirely undeserved straight, I can hear myself make a sound like a deer that's just been hit with a hunting arrow. It's pretty sad...I pray the neighbors don't hear...

I know how you feel. I love the idea of being a bit of a poker ace but I can't get above micro-stakes break-even level for the life of me and sometimes it makes me feel like the biggest loser that ever freakin' lived. When I'm not playing poker I'm reading poker books, going over played hands, watching a tournament, or surfing the internet. You cannot get more dedicated than I am, but I have yet to achieve lift-off.

Now paste a smile on your face, get your chin up, re-read the chapter on chip management, and get back in there - comforted by the knowledge that all but a few of us are wretchedly miserable...

What work for me is spending my time and using all my attention to another thing. I usually try to study more in the university, or try to dedicated myself more to a sport. It works. But the hey for me is keep a distance from poker for some time, and this time varies from each one.

Skill and experience will set your mind free. I too suffered from emotional distress in my early days of the game. Now, I never doubt my choices playing poker. I play the best I can every time I sit down to play. If I walk away from a losing session I remind myself that I played the best I could and luck beat me and nothing else. Luck is a skilled players worse enemy.