Ya know, the weird thing is that I know deep down I am addicted to poker...but in a self absorbed kind of way, I don't care...
I've put over 5 years and 1.5 million hands of blood , sweat and tears into fine tuning my tourney game....and I will be god damned if I'm going to give up now.
In my own private way, I feel that my love/hate relationship with poker is almost a healthy
addiction because I know deep down what the naysayers don't. That poker is, and always will be....in the truest
sense of the word, a skill
I won't deny that poker has made my life worse in some ways...I've walked away from lucrative jobs, broken up with girlfriends (well poker was part of it...but she didn't like Winnie...so she got the boot) And my bankroll goes up and down like > (insert clever metaphor here: ____________)
but there is something about poker that makes me challenge and push myself and never
want to quit. Why ? Because I truly thrive on the psychological warfare aspect of poker...and the element of intellect...outplaying your opponent because you made a great read....I mean sometimes I find myself daydreaming about strategy ...but is that really a bad thing ??
There is just something enormously satisfying about out-thinking
your opponent, and becoming a true predator
...getting into peoples brains....I mean I just thrive
on that aspect of holdem......and then there those few fleeting moments of glory...when you take down a big tourney....that undeniable feeling of elation...that moment
when it all comes together.
If you think about it...isn't that what life is all about ? The endless pursuit of excellence ? As long as you have a true passion for your pursuit, who can tell you anything really. Life is not a rehearsal so do what you love to do...but be prepared to live with the consequences for better or worse.
I will never forget the 1st major tourney I won. It was the evening $10.00 r/a . I sat on my bed on my 'company issued' laptop and I think I had something like $75.00 in my account....it was just one of those days...ya know ? When everything goes right and you can do no wrong. I was struggling for $$$ after relocating to L.A and had car trouble etc (you know the drill) and despite all this adversity...poker was a welcome sanctuary.
Without going into detail about the actual tourney...mainly because it's irrelevant to the theme of this rant....is that when the final hand was dealt and I had every last chip and was $10,000 dollars richer.....well that was one of the sweetest feelings of accomplishment
I'd ever experienced in my life.
When people talking about poker being an 'addiction'...I emphatically agree. But I believe that for some people...this addiction is healthy for state of mind
....provided you can keep reality in perspective, I don't think its altogether a bad thing to pursue a dream and always be trying to grind away for that final table.
Thats the beauty of poker, is that anyone
can sit down and play 2 cards and strive to be the best they can be.
After a while I started to realize how hard I was working on my poker game
....and decided to use that same knowledge in taking steps to improve my life.
Playing poker is an epic, neverending struggle, and thats putting it mildly..., emotionally and physically draining, heartbreaking on levels that literally suck the life out of you ...and our 'peers'...quite frankly aren't exactly pillars of the community.
With that said....I will always play poker because it's the purest form of human competition than I can think of....the ultimate test of psychological warfare, self analysis, ego and intellect.
I can't imagine a better way to spend my time.