This has been a moving blog. I fear for you.
Poker is a pretty bi-polar game -- big ups, big downs, craziness. I've done what you have (to a lesser extent), although I have not thrown my life into poker playing. The bad days, when I've tilted off too much money, I feel really awful. A crazy depression -- brought on by a game, for god's sake. It's just scary how bad it is. And how stupid it is. And how avoidable. Sounds like what you are feeling.
I try, now, as hard as possible, to keep my emotions balanced. And my emotions balance better if I have not tilted off a lot of money. So, aside from BRM, I make a distinct effort to stop playing when tilting. And, oddly, keeping to BRM limits helps me keep my emotions in control. It sucks when one hits a series of awful beats, but it sucks worse to blow off the old bankroll.
If it makes you feel that awful, and you are feeling yourself spinning out of control, well, you just have to get back in control. However you can. Poker is not that important in the scheme of things. Sounds like you need a more balanced life, anyway. So maybe you could take a break from poker and stabilize yourself. Find a job, somewhere. A nice girlfriend. A solid base to your life. A core of friends. Other stuff. Think about what you need. You are no longer a kid (sorry! But it happens to us all.) and you maybe need more in your life that the up and down excitement of the poker life. Think hard about what you need in your life, not just what jollies you want.
Good luck to you, man.