M
MinhANguyen
Visionary
Silver Level
I don't know how to explain it, but after my transition to 50NL 2 weeks ago and especially my transition to 100NL last week, I kind of have the feeling that I don't really enjoy poker as much as I used to.
I started with a $500 deposit from my financial aid to play poker somewhere around October. First three times I played on Bovada, I lost about $200 playing 5NL/10NL/25NL due to tilt/being underrolled. Withdrew with the intention to not play again until I was maybe out of college. Friend sort of persuaded me to try again with my financial aid money, and so I came back for the last time deciding that if I failed again, I wouldn't play until I was out of college. When I quit after the 3rd time, I did miss playing poker just days after and still thought about it weeks later.
Within 2 month and a half, I built my BR to $1900 and moved to 50NL. And within a week and a half, I got to $2400 and took a shot at 100NL although I was a BR nit. Was super frustrating that I could only play 50NL from 8pm-10pm on Bovada Zone. Been staying at 100NL for 2 sessions and now at $3.7k BR, and probably staying there permanently unless I go on a huge downswing.
At 25NL, I usually had an urge to play poker, and I played almost everyday I had spare time unless I was drained from college work/midterms/finals. I STILL sometimes played after all-nighters for finals/essays to relieve the dullness of studying/working for so long. And when I was on a heater, I played until I dropped dead. I've had two 8-10 hour sessions before at 25NL on 2 Zone 2 cash, and that is not good for your body when you're a full-time college student. At 50NL/100NL I almost always quit after 2-3 hrs, whether I'm losing or on a huge heater. Ever since 50NL and especially 100NL, poker kind of feels more like a job to me. Tbh I think if it weren't for the money factor, I'm not sure if I would be playing anymore. Before it was a combination of the potential money I could be making at 100NL+ and my enjoyment of the game.
I can't really explain it, but I don't feel eager anymore to go play. I can go several days to a week without playing and without a strong desire to play. And when I have winning sessions, even big winning sessions like my past two sessions ($850 and $450 in 3hr sessions at 100NL), I don't feel anything anymore. No sense of pride or joy. Instead I think I might have actually felt numb. I just don't know why I'm feeling this way. Maybe making $20-$100+ decisions on a constant basis, more stress due to absolute $$ being at stake, finally reaching my 100NL goal, getting bored after playing 80k+ hands for no reason???? Anyone ever feel this way??
If I continue playing, which I probably will, I can buy myself a car, pay off all my student loans, buy whatever gadgets I want, and help support my family even though I'm just a college student. I'm pretty confused. I think anyone else would be feeling accomplished, proud, and happy. A good winrate, moving up from 25NL to 100NL in less than 3 months/40 sessions, and at the point where I can make more money than most people can make in their regular jobs. No coach, just self-study. And yet here I feel empty.
I started with a $500 deposit from my financial aid to play poker somewhere around October. First three times I played on Bovada, I lost about $200 playing 5NL/10NL/25NL due to tilt/being underrolled. Withdrew with the intention to not play again until I was maybe out of college. Friend sort of persuaded me to try again with my financial aid money, and so I came back for the last time deciding that if I failed again, I wouldn't play until I was out of college. When I quit after the 3rd time, I did miss playing poker just days after and still thought about it weeks later.
Within 2 month and a half, I built my BR to $1900 and moved to 50NL. And within a week and a half, I got to $2400 and took a shot at 100NL although I was a BR nit. Was super frustrating that I could only play 50NL from 8pm-10pm on Bovada Zone. Been staying at 100NL for 2 sessions and now at $3.7k BR, and probably staying there permanently unless I go on a huge downswing.
At 25NL, I usually had an urge to play poker, and I played almost everyday I had spare time unless I was drained from college work/midterms/finals. I STILL sometimes played after all-nighters for finals/essays to relieve the dullness of studying/working for so long. And when I was on a heater, I played until I dropped dead. I've had two 8-10 hour sessions before at 25NL on 2 Zone 2 cash, and that is not good for your body when you're a full-time college student. At 50NL/100NL I almost always quit after 2-3 hrs, whether I'm losing or on a huge heater. Ever since 50NL and especially 100NL, poker kind of feels more like a job to me. Tbh I think if it weren't for the money factor, I'm not sure if I would be playing anymore. Before it was a combination of the potential money I could be making at 100NL+ and my enjoyment of the game.
I can't really explain it, but I don't feel eager anymore to go play. I can go several days to a week without playing and without a strong desire to play. And when I have winning sessions, even big winning sessions like my past two sessions ($850 and $450 in 3hr sessions at 100NL), I don't feel anything anymore. No sense of pride or joy. Instead I think I might have actually felt numb. I just don't know why I'm feeling this way. Maybe making $20-$100+ decisions on a constant basis, more stress due to absolute $$ being at stake, finally reaching my 100NL goal, getting bored after playing 80k+ hands for no reason???? Anyone ever feel this way??
If I continue playing, which I probably will, I can buy myself a car, pay off all my student loans, buy whatever gadgets I want, and help support my family even though I'm just a college student. I'm pretty confused. I think anyone else would be feeling accomplished, proud, and happy. A good winrate, moving up from 25NL to 100NL in less than 3 months/40 sessions, and at the point where I can make more money than most people can make in their regular jobs. No coach, just self-study. And yet here I feel empty.
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