There may be a way. We have our very own tame poker site
owner. See this thread:
Martin could probably set up a private freeroll or points tourney that would fit most of your requirements. Whether he would want to I don`t know. It is his business, after all. You`d have to ask him. If you are serious about also wanting to deposit and play real money games, make that clear. That should take care of most objections.
You don`t say where you are. Unfortunately, Martin`s site is one of those which can`t accept American players.