How can I get used to losing

I really get mad when I lose - not like 5 min or so...it lasts for days.

I'm not really tilting (wasting my BR) but I'm too fed up to play.

My boyfriend told me to get used to losing alot for...

• I'm a beginner
• I'm playing with maniacs
• you lose far more often than you win
• it's all within variance

Very well - ok - I know that he loses too (though wins quite often aswell) but he always seems to shrug it off after a few minutes- and starts the next game.

Am I just inexperienced or do I need to change my mindset ?

Francly I'm a bad loser.

My friend is the same exact way, maybe not days but sometimes for hours. He gets pissed off about every single suck out, bad beat, and "setup hand". And the amount he bitches you would think he was losing money, but his stats and graphs show completely the opposite. But he is a pessimist and seems to think bitching helps.

* I would say change your mindset, but I am a very patient easy going person who shrugs off almost anything. People have tried to get the pessimist to "think positively" but that really didn't do anything since he was already winning. I think it really depends on you.

Part of dealing with tilt comes with experience. Part of it depends on mindset. The first step is recognizing that you are tilting, and adjusting accordingly.

Tilting doesn't mean you necessarily go on a spewing spree. Tilt is when your emotions go overboard and it affects how you play. You just have to come to a point where you know suckouts will happen (it's part of the game), and eventually, in time it will get easier to deal with.

We have a great article on dealing with tilt here, and Storm Raven made a really nice (and long! ) post about it here.

Dibilu, you've rec'd some excellent input from suit2please & juiceeQ...& Storm Raven's thread about 'Tilt' rocks (as does the majority of her threads/posts).

You've indicated that you're a bad loser, is that with all games or is it specific to poker? As with many things, there are certain aspects of poker that we as individuals cannot control...what we can control is how we act/react in any given situation.

As with you, I have a partner who also plays poker; we have different styles though...I'm more conservative & he's much more aggressive. Overall he is a sweetheart although I found out that I'm not able to play @ the same table as him when we're in a b&m...he had a tendency to scrutinize my play, even though he was trying to be helpful, his feedback approach had been less than optimal for me (regarding poker he's very competitive). We've come to a compromise, other than playing @ different tables &/or games, when I want his insight regarding strategy I will ask, otherwise I will get a hug if I've had a bad run of cards.

This is just a thought, use the energy of 'being mad for days' towards more constructive issues like analyzing your game, recognizing that losses/mistakes are a valuable part of the learning process or coming to CC to read & post. GL.

Thanks for referring to the TILT article. Will be looking it up for get a little insight.

I'm trying to change my mindset - and an occasional win soothes my mind too (see screeny later) - Stefan told me too that your advice is on the point. Thank you.

I'll read those posts about tilting tomorrow - sounds interesting - thanks for the links.

Stefan tries to give me advice but as your boyfriend he's much more aggressive and hammers the opponents when he senses weakness

- I'm not ready to do that yet - it's a lot of new info for me, too....hard to keep everything in mind.

As said I'll look it up tomorrow....

Here's a screeny of todays games (0.25+0.05 $ sats to the DD) - not too bad I think.(Unregistered after win)--- now I'm up 0.35 $ after 3 days of playing woohoo (lol).

Attached Images

dibiluft1.jpg (116.8 KB, 206 views)

Oh yea, shouldve mentioned if he didn't get pissed off and "tilt" he would be up a bunch more money as I see him go and give away a few buyins after a bad suckout. Take a break if you need to, but don't let bad players get to you, they are what make poker profitable.

thank you, for your advice!

this does happen alot ....a good way to deal with it is take acouple of day off and relax. do something else....don't even think of poker doring that time then when you are ready you can come back.....to help when i lose alot i take alot of time off( like aweek) then i strat playing play money until i feel better at me game and then move back in to the real money plays...i feel this works for me for time to time

The article on tilt looks good, but I`m to frustrated and mad at not catching a hand I can`t be bothered to read it atm

I have bad news for you. If you are a tournament player, it gets worse.

There are only three ways that your run in a tourney will end:

1. You make it to the Final Table and cash out big.
2. You make an error, get your chips in while behind, and are busted.
3. You get your chips in good, but some donk sucks out and puts a beat on you.

#1 is only ever going to happen a small percentage of the time. When you are a beginner, #2 will be your most common outcome. As you improve and eliminate those errors from your game, you get to a point where the great majority of your tournies end with an opponent knocking you out "unfairly".

Therefore, as your game improves, you must learn to control tilt, unless you want to go nuts and move to the Laughing Academy to be cared for by the nice men in white coats. That`s poker.

Very true Egon!!!

I think what u have said there is the worst thing about poker as u get better.

U can play a near perfect game to get hit by a chancer.

The u check out the chancers stats and they show a ROI of -60%

The fact they took u out on the bubble of a big MTT does not make the saying "thats poker" easy to take!!!

^^this

I showed bianca my MTT -ITM/ROI stats.

Although I'm running pretty well imo it's quite obvious that even decent players lose/bust in MTTs far more often than they're making the money.

By now Bianca accepts this as given and doesn't worry too much about getting sucked out on anymore.

Tilt control is one of the basic skills we all need to have.

It took me far longer than her to realize that this is just part of the game.

Thanks for bumping this up grafkarow...I've been meaning to search for it, to add a comment, now that the 2 of you are going to be parents!

Dibilu/Bianca -- I don't know if it's a hormonal thing, or a female thing, or a parent thing...once your baby boy arrives you will begin finding that you'll have a tremendous amount of patience...patience you never realized you had before -- this will be beneficial for your poker game (if you're not too tired to play ).

Everything that was mentioned here is so true. It happens. I will go on some major runs either way but when I start to lose and it is just one ridiculous 5% river card after another, it is hard to stay patient. I tend to move down in stakes when this happens so I can regroup. If it continues to happen, I will hop in a couple of freerolls and just have a hayday. Some times a freeroll is great to just get it out of your system. I will take days if not weeks off if I find that it persists. This may sound crazy but sometimes I will test my skill by playing some game online and see how well I do, like bejeweled blitz. THis actually tends to be directly correlated with my ability to play poker. There is no simple answer but the more you experience it the better you will become at dealing with it. Good luck!

I played a few hours tonight and took no big wins or losses just slowly ground down and lost a little bit over the hours. It happens. Just remind yourself that you can't win every day and that you should be watching your stats as making sure that you are at least winning weekly or monthly depending on how much you play. Shrug it off and go do something else for a while. A little exercise never hurts. My best poker years were the years I was in the best shape.

i am afraid their is only 1 way to get used to losing and that is to have experience in the game the more times you lose in a tournament or cash game, the better poker player you will become because you will be less tilted every time! i have definitely found that, from experience of losing my discipline had lead to to build a good bankroll. Money is hard to win but easy to lose is what you have to keep in your head when playing.
adsthepro

If you're getting your chips in good... it's all you can do.

I too am a terrible loser (aka.. I hate losing!,lol). It's a huge negative for a tournament player because one needs to get used to it & just brush it off because it'll be happening alot and can't be the focus of your game. When (or if) one tends to focus on the negative, one will play worse whether they realize it or not. Positive frame of mind evokes good play (or at least playing one's A game).

I think adjusting the mindset to try to stay in the moment and deal with each situation as it arises without focusing on the outcome. I've watched a bunch of coaching videos put out by a guy who grinds SNG's and he usually plays 20+ tables at a time (stacking them 5 deep, with screen split to display 4 at a time). He focuses on getting it in good, or shoving at the right time/spots, etc. and then because his tables are stacked, he doesnt' even see the outcome of the hands (only hears a certain noise, indicating that that game is now over, lol). Not seeing/witnessing the beats/suckouts actually helps him to keep his focus on what's going on in front of him, instead of being results-oriented and potentially getting pissed off seeing 80/20's (etc.) go down the crapper.

I don't play 20+ tables & I don't stack them. All I can do is evaluate my play and if I got it in good, I can give myself a pat on the back (I mean really... it's all I can do... I can't control the outcomes, I can only control what I'm doing on the table(s) ).

How does one learn to 'get over it'. Good question. With time I believe one learns to get used to it (gets desensitized). I also think it depends upon what state/frame of mind one goes into the game with. Personally I have to have my shit together before playing a session if I'm hoping to maintain a level head and keep from letting emotions take over.

There's a few books out there on the subject. I haven't heard great reviews about them though.

easy, become a buffalo bills fans

Learn to think of losing as a skill and practice getting better each time you do.

when i first started playing poker i was the same in many ways i hated it when i get donks sucking out on me or a bad beat but the only way i get over it know is by laughing otherwise i would end up with a broken computer lmao

"Show me a good loser, and I`ll show you a loser!!!"

However, watch this and the way a pro deals with it...

YouTube- Biggest pot on tv in poker history million dollar cashgame

One thing i have noticed about poker is once 2 people are All In there is nothing left to do but just hit the right cards it almost becomes a coin flip...1 thing i know is that even when im up i assume im going to lose because thats how my luck goes, especially on the river. I tend to also stay away from ring games and play more SNG and MTT.Another thing to do is that if you have a hand in a tournament and you are winning the hand and its a small pot its better to just take the pot unless you know you won the hand which is in very few cases. You defiently increase you wins and decrease your losses just by accepting the small pots rather than always trying to get that monster of a pot, when the person gets even 1 free card, because you never know.What calms me down is i go and get my favorite drink (Coca-Cola) and sit outside and get some fresh air

Awesome video, thanks for posting it Ronaldadio!

The difference is Phil Ivey has many millions to back him up, and while of course it hurts alot it's not going to break him and bankrupt his life. Which brings me to the original question.

1) First of all, I think the bankroll should be money you're willing to play and can afford losing without messing up your life too much. You'll play better without that pressure, definitely. I know the theory but I can't apply it myself right now though, how ironic )

2) If you improve your attitude towards life in general, in all its aspects, you'll do better in poker too. If you're happy with your life, happy to be alive and do the things you like, bad beats won't matter that much anymore

i let one hand beat me up for weeks and weeks about 2 months ago. the damn queen of hearts!!!! ahhhh... anyways i know how it feels. I lost a 1800 dollar pot to the queen of hearts on the river, when that was the only card in the deck he could hit to win and all the money was in on the turn and what do you know the queen of hearts on the river!!!!! I didnt get over that for a long time, it sucks to get beat by a donkey.

I have not read any of the responses, so if I repeat something, I apologize.

What I read from your post was not: "How can I get used to losing" but rather "How can I learn to control my tilt when I lose".

Might I suggest reading this:
Tips For Dealing With Tilt!
It's long, but I think it will help you.
GL!

your loses may be cause of bad luck, or maybe leacks in your game

review your hh after sessions and try to improve your game based on mistakes you did, or leaks you think you have
reading some books or guides can be very useful too
if its bad luck, then just take a short break and come back to the tables

gl with that

This is obvious, but dealing with anger/tilt/losing/downswigs etc is all psychological and just part of the game. The best baseball hitters FAIL to get a hit 65% of the time!!!

I'm not a pro player, but anger -- from bad luck, suckouts, my own stupid plays -- has cost me more than anything else, by far.

By far.

So, there is much very good advice here and elsewhere about "how to handle tilt".

My one suggestion is this -- if you can't learn to better handle anger/tilt/losing (short-term losing), then you should probably realize that you are only going to go so far playing this game. It's not going to get better.

And you might ask yourself this question -- is it really worth playing if it effects me this negatively?

GL.
--MSM
http://microstakesmaniac.com/

I started to let losing, bad beats etc get to me and realized I wasn't having any fun, so I thought about it one day sitting at a table and decided to just have fun and not worry about winning or losing and just have fun and I did! I ended up having one of the best winning streaks I can remember of course.... then that never lasts for long but I still remember that day and always try to have fun first, at least you should enjoy playing.

lmao it took me a while to get used to losing. it happens, its poker, you just have to get your money in with the best hand/best odds. the rest is just luck. (besides bluffing) thats a skill you need to learn. but you cant win everything :/

you forget things like readings, use of position, and lot of strategies that makes a good player
poker isnt that simple