Sometimes A Win is More Than Win

You ever have one of those moments were you have just about had all you could stand and you just couldn't stand any more?

I was dead serious on the verge of tossing my virtual card protector in the recycle bin and calling it a " No Go, No Mo' " for online poker yesterday.

I had just had it from the toes to the ego. Bad beats, in my opinion bad play from myself and others, cold decks, dry runs, idiotic and somewhat outrageous behavior from weak and tired morons, cold weather, US politics, e-wallet annoyances, slow cash out poker rooms, shrinking bankrolls, and lack of just plain old fun were starting to take their toll.

I had just lost interest. I couldn't register for a tourney and play more than 4 to 5 hands or maybe 15 to 20 minutes before I just couldn't look at it. I took a few days off a couple times. I rested, I exercised, I changed my diet, played a little more with the lady friends, and just nothing could get me out of that funky freakin' mood.

Then I registered for this charity event set up at Wingows poker to help some one that actually had "REAL" problems going on. This in turn helped put a few things into perspective. I was still in a bad mood and didn't really chat it up at the tables which I am prone to do. I started to focus a little more and even though this was a buy in event the play resembled more that of a public free roll.

There were still people having some fun and throwing out good vibes. I didn't want to project any negativity as I was so full of it I could have been wishing some one good luck and it would have read "Go F Yourself!" as my subconscious mind would dominate the control of my digits and command the expression on the keyboard.

As the tourney progressed I was having the same gaming experience that had plagued me the last what feels like an eternity. I did however realize I had found my own worst enemy. I was killing myself at the table. I was listening to Hold Em Radio and a replay from a Valentines Day show where an interview with an author that kept talking about how people defeat themselves just kept creeping into my closed mind a few words at a time.

My hands started to turn a little bit and the game had dwindled down to about 18 players left and I had just sent a flush draw to the rail. I was put in a regular online poker situation where I raised preflop in late position with AJ suited the standard 3 1/2 bbs and was reraised by the button all in. I had less than ten bbs so I had to call, but I knew what they had. All of the sudden my instincts started kicking again. I said "KK" and sure enough KK it was. As has been usually the case my rag ace doesn't win. I then realized I was starting to have fun again.

The live broadcast had the Naughty Poker Angels chatting it up with the Mad Genius Mike Caro. During that time the station had a NL MTT at Wingows with bounties and money added. Caro was entertaining and fun. He made a lot of sense and put a lot of things into perspective. I played out of my head and woke up at the final table with the chip lead. I then proceeded to work it. In my opinion I outplayed it. I did get a little lucky and the deep stack allowed me to take a couple huge gambles. I was cut down 4 times, but stayed aggressive. When it got to heads up I was at a 7-1 disadvantage. I didn't even think about it. I got the chips in good almost every time. I was saved once by the dealer and once again by my opponent.

On one hand I had a 2-1 favorite and was out flopped only to be saved by paint on the river. On another hand my opponent soft played AA allowing me to flop a set with a really awful rag hand I wouldn't have played had he raised. I turned my frustration on him and he lost control. I took the chip advantage and then had him throwing all in bets as if it were the only option next to fold. By this time the deck had turned in my favor and I was catching monster hands. He tried to slow thing down by going back to poker with standard bets, raises, and folds. I just took the all in game to the turn. The chip lead danced a couple times then I got a 2-1 advantage and that was all she wrote.

The whole time I kept thinking about that kid the charity event was for. I then realized that the age old expression that it is better to give than to receive still had merit. I had been selfish and petty and forgot what was important. I had let the game control me. I had let out side interference affect me. I won more than a tournament. I won back my conscience. I won back my confidence. I won back perspective and reflection.

Sometimes a win is just more than a win!

Top stuff matey.

I think that with poker it is so easy to look to the externals as to why things don't go your way that it is hard to sometimes find the negative internal self-destructive impulses that can be a big part of the reason for bad runs. If you are in a good state of mind poker can be a tough game to accept when things go wrong, in a mood where you are struggling to care it can be impossible.

Great post, glad it's turned round for you