People here always talk about "reads"

When I play poker online I don't bother trying to read people because I think its near impossible.
The obvious donkey who goes allin all the time doesn't count as a read.
I think there are times when the guy is taking longer or raising or checking could be that he had a connection or program problem or he hit the wrong button and now you take it into your decision of how you read him.
If I am wrong then I would love to know what i am suppose to do.
Also I see people post that when in a tourney and they are moved to a new table they will wait a few hands until they get some reads,
What will you do if on the first hand you sit you are dealt KK QQ or AK?

Betting patterns are about the only read you can get in online poker. If a player only rasise with big hands then you almost know that he has a big hand if he raises you and you should probably fold you're pocket 7's. If you sit and get delt KK you should probably raise like normal. If your delt AK play it normal but be very cautious if you are raised.

Online the only 'read' i use is bet sizes. Weak players will bet when they have something and check when they don't

I've taken many players to the cleaners because they always bet half the pot when they have a pair and the whole pot when they are on a draw or whatever.

How long it takes to act can be a tell but not one I would put a lot of weight too.

Things to make reads on;

Bet size, bet frequency, use of position, amount bet when ahead, when behind, when drawing, on the flop, turn and river, use of check raise, check call and situations when pushing all in, use of small blind, defence of big blind, bet amounts and card selection under the gun, in early, mid, late postion and on the button, tactics when first in the pot, with limpers ahead, with a raise ahead, against shortstack, midstack and bigstack and with a short, mid or big stack, use of bubble, tendancy to tilt, aggression, looseness, tightness, passivity, weakness and hat size.

I play the betting pattern and the player's known style/history. Getting a read from how long it takes a player to bet is just not wise, IMO. There could be a multitude of reasons why it took so long or why they acted so quickly. At low limits (where I play) fast bets are often made with great hands and total bluffs. Slow bets are made with the same. So, I just consider what I have already seen from that player and their betting pattern...then I look at my cards and FOLD 'em anyway! Always fold...you got nothin'!

Reads online are more for people who have stat tracking programs. Hands go so fast it is hard to keep up unless you have a program to do it for you. These also remember every hand/player that you play against for the rest of your life so you don't have to remember anyone. The stats they collect will help you make general decisions based on past hands by knowing there general tendancies.

Live you can see how they react, stack chips, hold cards, motions when betting, how fast they bet and what they use to bet (small or big chips) just to name a few. These can all lead to a read or tell. Live there is so much more to try and hide and not give any information away. Reads are few and far between on-line against faceless opponents.

There ARE ways to read online, and one of the best ways is to track (as near as possible) the specific bet sizes versus pot size. I've also been known to notice specific bet NUMBERS as a possible tell. For instance, I got a great read on a player once whose name had something to do with marijuana and noticed that every time he bluff or semi-bluffed, he bet exactly 420 chips, or some multiple of 420. Apparently he felt this was a "lucky" number for him or something. So I started calling or re-raising his 420s and was rewarded by taking nearly all his chips within just a few hands.

You are 100% correct about how fast things are and no time to remember everybodys play.
Another thing that I found, it will be easier to remeber a player if they have a unique avatar. I am not remembring everybodys name.
On sites where u have to choose the 10 avatars they have for you like FTP I never remeber who did what because they all have the same picture (and i am looking the boobies anyway )

ROFLMAO!! Isn't that called "eLeching" ?

I dont know what its called but do u see the boobs all this poker sites have.
You just know the programmers are horny geeks that watch alot of porn