Paying my dues (long)

This past Saturday I went to the casino and had a killer session. I bought in for a total of 100 at the 1-2 nlhe table (40 is the max buy in,when you get to under 20 you can buy in for 60. Weird) and after 11 hours I left with 1060. I got home and went to a home game, 50 nlhe and left with 220. Awesome day. I got to bed late and slept in on Sunday, getting out of bed just in time for all the action online.
I was riding high and feeling close to unbeatable. In hindsight, I should have been a bit more aware. Generally I feel real calm and focused before I sit down for a session online. This time I was feeling hyped up and really impatient. I stuck to my BRM, at first, and immediately started 8 SnGs and MTTS. Way more than I ever play.
Add the fact that I was horrifically hungover and started my Sunday with a few mimosas so I had a solid buzz going.
I played for hours, hours and hours. I started losing and kept losing.
"Hey", I thought, "I'm a better player than the donks at these stakes, I'll move up a bit"
And thats how it got really bad. I started playing 10 and 20 percent of my BR in the SnGs. At least that type of BR mismanagement can't last very long so the suffering was over pretty quick.

I spent 4 months to quadruple my bankroll. I lost it all in 15 hours. Well, not all, I've got 12 bucks on Stars.
After shutting down the computer I was completely defeated. I went to bed and just laidthere for awhile wondering WTF I just did. At work today I was feeling the same and thinking I should just delete PT3, Bodog, FTP and Stars. Why should I even be playing poker? It just plain sucks to lose all that.

Tonight, when I got home, I was still feeling, well, tilty. I didnt lose a heap of cash. I'm in no danger of missing any bills or other necessities. In other words, I'm financially secure, but I was really loathing myself. Why? I played a game poorly. And lost. Would quitting poker really be the best thing to do? Will it mean I'm a gambling addict if I keep playing? These were some of the questions swirling around my head. I'm not sure but I have a feeling some other players have had similar thoughts.

Anyways, I won't be quitting poker, for the most part, I've truly enjoyed playing. Even on some of the losing sessions. So instead of quitting I started to plug leaks. This weekend being the first. I made a list of all the factors I could perceive that aided in this weekends loss. I havent looked at the PT3 stats, not quite ready for that one, yet.

I've never had a session like that and I have to admit that regardless of variance or bad beats or whatever we prefer to call it, this was my own damn fault. I broke just about every rule for myself...... Played drunk, played out of my BR limits, played hungover, played too many tables.
And if its my fault theres a good chance I can fix it.
If you read this far, thanks. See you at the tables!

At least you know what you did...we've all done it. Well, at least I have.

Thanks man, just needed to vent really.

Ouch, that really sucks to have all your months hard work go poof in a day.. I just don't get why you did it! ..I mean if you were drunk I can understand.. but you did this while being hungover??

Well I hope you learned your lesson and hopefully you'll be able to build back up and not do the same thing..

Good luck!

Keep your head up

Playing when drunk is one of the biggest problems I have with online poker. I think thats why I do better in live games. It's just too easy to veg out at the computer with a few beers and a pizza... then more beers... then maybe a little rum... lol. Perhaps I have a drinking problem... I have beer right now OMG!

I wasted my BR on partypoker... started from $25 and, well I never was much good at BRM but in just a couple weeks I had grown it to $600... then one drunken night I decide to start playing a $50 SnG and sit down at a $2/$4 cash table with $400. Great idea. Now I'm broke and just using my points to play the freerolls.

The other problem I have is I can only play online without any interruptions really late at night (the joys of parenthood).

I won't quit either, but I know what needs to change for me to actually be a winning player and you do too. Good luck man and I hope you get your BR back in shape.

It's a good thing what happened, really. If you want to make it one.

Since I started playing that has been my pattern, get on a winning streak, get super hype about it, lose it all in a few hours. Then I quit playing for months, or a year or more and after it was all over again.

Started playing again this year after an year and a half, alot of mtts and cash games above my bankroll, cashed out in february and march, but right after the cash out with more than $1,500 left in my bankroll I started tilting from being too trusty of my abilities, so I lost 70% of it. Both months.

Almost lost it all twice and that would've been the end of my poker for a long time probably, but I got lucky when I needed it and this month I decided I am going to play it seriously, and study it hard.

Results haven't been as spectacular as before in terms of amounts, but a 10BB/100 win rate at 20NL over 13K hands is not an accident and something I'm proud of.

So let this be a good thing and kick you into learning the game. Once you see just how much you don't know,the mountain of information you need to climb, you're much less likely to get into that "I own all these noobs" attitude

Yea thats always tough. I kno i have said that i was going to quit poker after tilting off a few hundred in a couple hours. I actually have done it a few times to be honest. I am starting to really look at my tilt factor and when i start to tilt i get up from the computer but its easier said than done. Jus keep ur head up and the best advice is use this as a learning experience. wish u the best bro...

Thanks everyone. Im not steaming anymore, actually looking at this as a damn funny, yet pricey, lesson. I'm gonna take some of my live roll and put it towards rebuilding my online roll.
I just wish I had my webcam on. Watching myself drinking a mimosa and playing 8 tables would be hilarious.
I checked my stats for that session, wow. I played 68% of my hands!!!!!! INSANE! I guess its a good thing I havent hit big in any tourneys yet, I could have lost thousands!

Seriously though, its obvious that my biggest leak is discipline. Setting a strict set of rules for myself along with some realistic goals.
Thanks everyone

Live and learn. Experience is the result of a mistake. The better ones never make the same one twice. Knowing what you did wrong is building on your experience. Good luck.

First of LMAO at Ecomdans post, especially the joys of Parenthood part... Man do EVER know what you mean there. Thank god I love kids...lol

But as far as alcohol goes, I feel better reading some of these posts, I know I aint alone, cause I have my biggest mental breakdowns when I play after drinking. I mean, playing DRUNK is one thing, I think most would agree it is a -ev play. But in the evening, after a beer or two, I always think how fun a game would be, kids in bed and so on. Problem one is a beer makes a new poker player out of me, then that player wants a beer which makes a new player who wants a beer....... And on it goes....lol. But even a couple of beers can make me much looser than I should be. I have actually almost completely stopped drinking, even when I go out, cause I come home sometime, and THE COMPUTER WILL CALL ME "Jay, come play, its a really good idea.." And I LISTEN, DAM IT!!!
But since I live in Germany, I think there is a law that states you Must go to the beergardens and have Huge beers everyonce in a while, or they fine you or something, I aint sure so its better if I just comply,,,,,lol. And I am getting better at leaving my game off after drinking. But I have pretty much shut alcohol out of my life if I want to play, completely sober or I do something else, and since I want to play a lot, well.....
But I know how crappy it feels to dread looking in your account, you know its down, but you dont remeber anything that happened after 2 a.m., but your wife did tell you that you didnt come to bed till 5.30....... what the hell did you play in those 3 1/2 hours???....
The good news is, If you make a real concious decision to stop, you will. Its just a leak that you can plug... But it sounds like you know what to do, as long as you do it, your cool. Your game will bounce back.

ah I did that as well - got my bankroll up to a thousand, had a bad run and then decided **** it, chucked my brm out the window and played like a complete tit.

It was so stupid, even as I was doing it, I knew it was idiotic.

Took a bit of a break from the game and am trying again now.

Wether it's alcohol, drugs, anger, sadness, desperation, they're all harmful to your poker game.
Anyway, most thinking activities suffer greatly under mental exhaustion. Happened to me a couple times that I chucked a portion of my BR out because of tilt, but just like odds and bluffing it's something you have to learn.

Been there myself (too many times) where I just lose and lose and break all my rules. Hard to do, but I think you have to just learn to be disciplined enough to walk away when things turn away from you like this. Maybe knowing when to quit for a awhile is the difference from the winners and losers.

Could have happened to anyone. Anyway thanks for posting. I think these types of posts always help me the most, because they are extremely valuable in that they really help me realize how important it is to not do, well, everything you did. If you stick to your guns this time, I'm sure you'll have a healthy bankroll in no time

That's gotta be sore in the morning. You still have money you won on the live tables. Or did you lose that too. This will be an important lesson to you and many others including myself. You'll win it back in no time

I do the same thing i think twice now. I work on my bankroll for months and then lose it all on one bad session and BR management. I tell myself everytime that i am gonna have good BR and dont follow through with it. I