My journey back to square 1

I lay my head down in defeat as I had seen the last of my cash get raked in by the opposition, a feeling all too familiar. It's that feeling when your heart just drops into your stomach, and I then have no desire to face the future at that moment, I just want to sit there and pity myself. I'm sure we've all felt this way before in our poker careers, where we make bad decisions that lead to bad results that we had not contemplated before when we were entering that "game that's gonna turn it all around" for us. I was broke and heartbroken. This day was 3 or 4 days ago. A week or so before that I was having success in the poker world, withdrawing $200 and leaving myself with $150. I was playing strong poker, with bankroll management, and I was not getting sucked out on. I continued my journey on the way to the top, as that is where I thought it was going to lead me, now don't we all? This dream did not last long as my luck began to experience such a variance that I had never experienced before. I lost with everything, every single hand I ever played I lost. At first bankroll management was not the issue, I was playing within my allotted amount, but soon enough it became an issue as I was down to $80 playing the same games that I had been playing with my $150 bankroll. My bad luck DID NOT STOP, but if I had been playing within my limits then maybe I would have withstood this attack by variance, and would still have money left to rebuild. I deposited $100 the next day with a tilted attitude, and began playing with BR management and then quickly my mind fell to the pressure of my previous losses! What terrible poker looking back at it! At that moment I was positive that was it for me, that my game had no hope, that I would never ever learn..

Then yesterday I changed my mind, I am deciding to stick with it and learn from my losses. I decided to take this as a lesson, and read up a lot on some of my previous poker books. My journey back to success begins again, as now I am free rolling and playing play chips, as much as I am on the edge of squirming at the thought.. It's not as easy thing to do, but will test my poker skills and hopefully mold me into a better player that doesn't make silly mistakes such as this. I know free rolling is full of donkeys and even with great poker play it is very hard to cash, but I am not going to deposit again, and maybe I need to be taught something.. It is clear that my poker play needs re-evaluation, and I shall be doing that. Wish me luck starting at square 1.

Pull it together. Wipe the blood off your butt, pull your pants up and get back out there.

Its the only solution.

Damn, Phil Ivey down to playing freerolls. Well, while you're down here, do you think I could have your autograph?

It happens...take some time off....no really....take some time off and when you are ready to you will jump in again. Good luck in your future endevors.

I have heard this very same thing from a few poker friends who have withdrawn only to find that they have very bad luck afterward.

I wonder if online poker sites have some way to "punish" you when you withdraw?

Best of luck rebuilding.

I'm in the same boat as you. I started the month off great. Doubled my BR in a week ($40 to $80). Then all those coin flips I was getting, I now lose. The worst was the other night...

9 man SnG, we're heads up. I have a 6-1 chip lead. I loose 5 straight AI's calls. Ok...they weren't all in a row but out of the 5 we had, I lost every one of them. Normally, that would be lose the first, maybe the second and then I take it down and win the tourney.

For me it's going to be start back up slow and steady. I get paid on Friday and I'll deposit a small amount back on Stars to get me going. Meanwhile, I'll review hands and look what I should have done better.

Good luck to the both of us!!

No, the site didn't doomswitch him. Part of what happened is that he withdrew over half of his bankroll. That left him with much less leeway when bad variance struck. That made him feel more pressure, tilt more/faster. Its a vicous cycle.

Your bankroll is your capital. If you pull too much capital out of your business you are at risk if disaster strikes.

OP, Good luck. You know what you did wrong. Just refocus and get back to what you were doing before the downswing and you will get back on top.

good luck man. honestly i wouldn waste ur time on play chips though...unless your doing it for fun because its just a wast of time imo

I hate doing play chips, but technically they pay at $4 a mill (shh)

As you said we've all been there. I think you have a great attitude about it now and I wish you all the luck at the tables, go get'em!

What a stupid comment (although really... not all that surprising). What is suprising is that you're still around on this forum.
OP lays his heart out on the table... and that's your response??? Why not just 'not respond'??

OP, all I can say is > It's all part of the journey. It sounds like you're learning lots along the way. 6mths. or a yr. from now you'll look back & probably see it as bein' insignificant ('or'.. a necessary part of the process that gets you to where you're going).

haha ill try to keep it quite....buuuut it takes a long time to rack up a milli play chips

Poker Orifice- thanks for the support. I hope I do look back on this and say that it was a necessary stepping stone in getting to that point.

PattyR- Yes it isn't easy, but it's probably a little bit better than free rolling. Especially these days considering the 7,500 entrants to the 45 person pay out, along with the amount of hours taken to get to that point.

The only two things I know about poker are:

1. Emotional management is the most important element to successful play. If you cannot manage tilt, cannot control your rage, your anger, your fears and your unrealistic wishes then you will fail.
2. Bankroll Management is the 2nd most important element to successful play. You need lots and lots of buy-ins to ride out variance and a big cushion of buy-ins to keep you sane so that when you see your roll shrinking you don't have to worry about going bust today or tomorrow or the next day.

The rest is just knowing odds, and equity and stuff which anyone can learn with experience.

Good luck and find some peace of mind.

Well I begin my journey by finishing 2nd in a 2k 90 man for 40k play chips, due to some bad beats heads up. Definitely a very very easy game to accumulate some building chips, hopefully it does not poison my mind with the thought that all games are this easy lol

They tend to be for obvious reasons, people learning. Thing is though with the play money you will often get all-ins and stacking of with anything/nothing. Well doen coming 2nd in a play money tournament and for your orginal post, I feel for you mate. That was some tough luck and well like you say maybe you will learn from it all.

Best of luck.

Yes, I know. Anything that I take from play money I will not bring with me back into the real $ world, because that would be a terrible idea.

Thanks for your kind words.

Why not get part time job instead of play money and then make deposit? I would think it be way faster then sellling play money at $4 a million or whatever it is. Know what I mean?

My goal is exactly not to deposit, as I did $100 and lost that quickly.The problem is not me getting $ to spend, it is my lack of appreciation for the money I have. Working through this way I am SURE will straighten this problem out for me. But, I understand how this method seems silly when I should just control myself.

Hey dude, I'm doing the exact same thing as you are right now!

(not hijacking your thread)

I started a thread on here a WHILE back and logged my MTT SNG progress and it was working out pretty well until I threw BRM by the wayside and that was that.

Then, I had a BB/100 of like 1.7-2.0 at 2NL for over 150k hands until I took a few months off. Now that I'm back I'll admit I feel as though I've gotten even better as far as strategy and quality of play is concerned (attributing this to the information having time to sink in), but couldn't refrain from the temptation of the soft 25NL games that I'm so eager to play, so I once again shunned BRM and here I am. Now, like you, I'm bust and it's back to the drawing board with me grinding play money.

I checked my SNG stats on topshark (which I had never bothered to do in the past) and it turns out that grinding MTT SNG's would end up being very lucrative for me should I buckle down and play them exclusively. I realize the only reason I'm not playing at the higher limits now is because I chose not to stick with one game type even though I'm good at it. Really stupid when you think about it.

That said, you're not alone and it really only takes 2 weeks to accumulate 20 million play chips on stars, but not without patience. I ran into some bad variance for the first 4 days and literally couldn't maintain even 50k chips, but didn't tilt. It's now day 8 and I'm sitting on 3.5 million at the time of posting.

I'll update you on my stack at the end of each day. Little motivation couldn't hurt. Let us know where you're at. The race is on!

To give you a lil hope maybe?

I started with $0 and gained my initial BR the old fashioned freeroll way back when it wasn't quite as daunting. From there I have had 4 "real" BR's playing over rolled as hi as 2-4 plo. Each time I've had to cash it out due to life happens. But each time I had $5 to $ 25 left and started over. in fact now I'm at the micro's again . But if I want to continue to play I have to grow it myself.

As sickening, and disheartening, as it is. It happens! You are not the first or the last. But have you learned the way so that it is "your" last time?

I will spot you $10 on pokerstars to get you going again if you PM me your pokerstars name and city ( as long as you have a clean history. hate to get my acct closed, just being safe). And you show you will be smart with it.

BUT I expect $10 back in the future after you have rebuilt your roll. Nothing is free

I agree that the biggest mistake was your withdrawal of nearly 60% of your roll. What deposit did you build your $350 from? You were obviously playing well to get it to this.

Trust me I've done exactly the same thing numerous times. It's taken me about 10 years to figure out that good brm leads to poker freedom as far as what games I get to play and how much I get to play. On the surface brm looks like rules/constraints but it will keep you in the game. In the game is the best place to be.

I play tournament poker almost exclusively. I don't know about you but this is a brm guide that works for me. I don't use it to a "T", i'm actually more conservative. I like it b/c of the cash out strategy. I was always wondering how much to cash out. I think a cash out of anything more than 20% of you roll is excessive. I picked the link up from a different forum here at CC.

http://www.pocketfives.com/blogs/jennifear/

Don't rip yourself up too much. You'll recover. It's one long session, and this will be a minor blip on your gradual climb up.

Liveone- Good luck on your journey back up just like my own, it seems you are doing quite well!

jjbish- Thanks again for the opportunity dude, I really appreciate it!

tusabes- My deposit was a $30 one. I skimmed over your article and it seems very intuitive, thanks for the advice and the support.

I do understand not wanting to re-deposit.
Here's where I have a question though.... what is it that you're hoping to learn from the play chip games? I mean if you think you can be a winning player in the micros then to me it makes full sense to just deposit a small sum of money & work on the areas you need to focus on (even if that means 'tilt management' &/or BRM). What I'm getting at is.... the 'learning process' while playing poker is a never-ending process BUT I think if you were to spend time in the playchip games (&/or reg. freerolls) they'll just stunt your growth as a player (kinda like they'll be a waste of time... because there's nothing we're really learning while playing them... stagnating to a degree). And if anything, one can pick up alot of bad habits from them (even if one is making the effort to re-adjust when making the move back to real money micro tables). I find this happening for myself a bit, when I spend time on some sites where I have a small bankroll (I have a few sites that I've ground up from a freeroll cash)... 10-tabling 2nl one day & then attempting to play a $109 freezeout the next (did this last week & went out on the first hand I played in a deepstacked Sun.Tourney, lol).... just kinda screws me up a bit... it takes me out of my groove. (not sure if I'm getting my point across at all???).
Personally I think you'd be far better off to just put down any kind of small deposit (even if it's just $25), & then attempting to grind it up from there. (oh yah... & of course 'go for the final table in the CC Freerolls!!!)

GL on the journey!

Been here bro, but i was more angry about it hahah i wonder were my old post went to, Think it was, Im starting over, post :P best of luck, you will do well in play chips if u play a solid game. Many donks shove with pure crap, play a decent hand, u will win in the long run.

I AM SICK OF LOSING! IM STARTING OVER!
hahaha here it is my rant of pissed off ness

Currently sitting at 4 million.

^^ Both of you made good points in your posts. I agree with the fact that bad habits can be developed playing games such as this, but I mentioned in one of my posts that I will do my best to not acquire these habits. I also agree with pretty much everything live one said in the above post. I think you understand well due to being in this spot.

Now to clear things up I am no longer free rolling/ playing play chips as Jjbish offered to stake me $10 in this post. He is extremely kind for doing so and I thank him again! I am playing .01/.02 NL and will continue to use proper BR management to rebuild. I will update this thread every day to tell everyone how I am doing.

Currently at $16.40

Obviously don't play the public freerolls. Why not play the cardschat ones?

Or just deposit 20 bucks and play daily dollar satellites. And if you can't afford to deposit $20, then quit poker until you're not poor.

Playing with play chips is just ridiculous. Not only is it an insultingly bad waste of time, it will also more than likely have a negative effect on your game because the play is just so dreadful.

*EDIT*

my bad didn't read past the OP and first few responses

Well considering you only have 8 buyins you are already breaking BR management. The only thing you can play is DD sats, if you want to do this properly from the start. Otherwise you're just going to be making another one of these threads in a month...

I used to constantly load on 10/20 dollars to sites when I started out. These aren't proper bankrolls. Any sort of swing can wipe a large majority of it out, and you'll just tilt off the rest again. I don't know if you're a student/working/unemployed, but if you want to take it seriously save at least $60-80 so you have a proper bankroll from the outset, and spend time studying and reading the HA section in the meantime. I don't mean to sound like a pr1ck but speaking from experience and being in your situation many times, depositing a proper bankroll was the best thing I ever did. It meant I wasn't checking my balance every hand because an 80/20 could wipe out 20% of my bankroll.

Good luck if you decide to keep ploughing on, but the time it takes to get up to ~$50/~$100 is not worth it imo.

I think playing DD satellites is a terrible idea. This money is not the "oh I hope I don't lose this I have to play 30 cent satellites to make sure I don't" type of money, it is building money, and that is what I intend to do with it. I am not worrying about the time it will take to build this roll. I will not deposit again and will do my best with the money that was staked to me. If I hit some HORRIFIC run of cards then what can you do.. On top of all of this I have a lot of confidence that I can dominate 2NL as I had absolutely no problem with 5NL. I appreciate the advice though.

This is so cool. Awesome thing you're doing, man. OP, good luck with the next run, play well and keep us posted.

+1 for the 1st part. As for the second its to each his own.

@Phil Ivey (I bet that never gets old for you lol) - It sounds like you jumped ship! I guess it's tough to turn down an offer for a steak, but I really think you were on to something even if most disagree. I hope you prove me wrong dude. Seeing as you're not into play money anymore I guess there's no point in me updating my stats on this thread...

6.75 mil

1 more for the ego

I'm pullin' for you.

You made it sound as if he got Raped, lol...

Not tring to say anything out of the way but a few weeks ago you started a thread about taking shots outside(proper bm).I think this is a end result of that type of thinking.Don't get me wrong bm is by FAR FAR my worst part of poker,but i do not think you'll get over this problem.Because i am the same way an i still have not over come this.Much luck to ya though an keep this one updated unlike the other please.

You are correct, it is an end result of that type of thinking. And you are incorrect because I plan on never doing such a thing again, whether you have overcome this does not make a difference to whether or not I will.. But even so good luck doing so and I will keep this updated.