To anyone going to the Casino for the first time to play poker

#1 21st March 2009, 4:39 PM

I found this and thought I would share with the poker community

Dear Mr. Beck,
I am considering playing poker at a casino, could you please tell me what type of poker etiquette is acceptable.
Answer:

First, when you win a pot you should gloat loudly and tell your opponent how badly he played. Always be sure to tell everyone how well you play and your strategy for winning. Always explain in great detail why you make the plays you do. Tell your opponents how well you read them and point out every little error.

Secondly, when you lose a pot you should throw the cards at the dealer and in a loud voice complain bitterly to the person that beat you about what a bad player he is.

Third. Always ask for new decks and setups and constantly complain about how the dealer in the box "cold decks" you whenever he deals. Tell the current dealer and everyone at the table you will never play on one of his downs ever again and not only that he can't even deal the cards without making a mistake.
Even if he doesn't make a mistake wait patiently for some very minor infraction and then loudly complain about his indiscretions.

Fourth. Don't forget to glare and stare at players and dealers and try to intimidate people with your mean callous disposition. Constantly mutter under your breath, always speaking just loud enough so people can hear the foulest stream of obscenities that you can possibly think of.

Fifth. When you miss your straight, flush or full house or fail to make two pair when necessary, cry like a little baby about how unlucky you are and how you never catch any cards. Moan and groan about how unlucky you are. Always complain out loud about the odds against your opponent beating you. Never forget to mention that he had only one card in the deck with which to win. Tell everyone how you can never catch a break. Let people know that if it wasn't for the complete morons sitting at this table, you would be winning a lot of money. Tell them that the world sucks, and wonder out loud about how you could be so unlucky. Tell them you are the best player in the room, yet you are still losing to a bunch of idiots that can't even spell poker.
And finally when you get busted for the final time, stand up and fling your cards at the dealers head and storm out of the poker room swearing the worst list of profanities you can imagine.

All of the above are acceptable and desirable character traits for partaking in any casino poker activity.

#2 21st March 2009, 4:40 PM

sorry for the white text i tried changing it but it would not let me. Hope yall enjoy

#3 21st March 2009, 5:54 PM

lol, I thought I went blind for a second there.

Quote:

I found this and thought I would share with the poker community

Dear Mr. Beck,
I am considering playing poker at a casino, could you please tell me what type of poker etiquette is acceptable.
Answer:

First, when you win a pot you should gloat loudly and tell your opponent how badly he played. Always be sure to tell everyone how well you play and your strategy for winning. Always explain in great detail why you make the plays you do. Tell your opponents how well you read them and point out every little error.

Secondly, when you lose a pot you should throw the cards at the dealer and in a loud voice complain bitterly to the person that beat you about what a bad player he is.

Third. Always ask for new decks and setups and constantly complain about how the dealer in the box "cold decks" you whenever he deals. Tell the current dealer and everyone at the table you will never play on one of his downs ever again and not only that he can't even deal the cards without making a mistake.
Even if he doesn't make a mistake wait patiently for some very minor infraction and then loudly complain about his indiscretions.

Fourth. Don't forget to glare and stare at players and dealers and try to intimidate people with your mean callous disposition. Constantly mutter under your breath, always speaking just loud enough so people can hear the foulest stream of obscenities that you can possibly think of.

Fifth. When you miss your straight, flush or full house or fail to make two pair when necessary, cry like a little baby about how unlucky you are and how you never catch any cards. Moan and groan about how unlucky you are. Always complain out loud about the odds against your opponent beating you. Never forget to mention that he had only one card in the deck with which to win. Tell everyone how you can never catch a break. Let people know that if it wasn't for the complete morons sitting at this table, you would be winning a lot of money. Tell them that the world sucks, and wonder out loud about how you could be so unlucky. Tell them you are the best player in the room, yet you are still losing to a bunch of idiots that can't even spell poker.
And finally when you get busted for the final time, stand up and fling your cards at the dealers head and storm out of the poker room swearing the worst list of profanities you can imagine.

All of the above are acceptable and desirable character traits for partaking in any casino poker activity.

__________________

He forgot to mention it is considered very rude to NOT spill drinks on the table. People hate playing with dry cards.

#4 22nd March 2009, 1:44 AM

Was Phil Hellmuth the author of those tasty tidbits ... ??

He also forgot to mention that it is a sign of your established poker skills and demonstrates excellent hand-eye coordination when you can make your chips splash the pot every time you bet, call or raise. That's why they call it 'getting them in the middle' isn't it ??

Oh - and don't forget - ask to see every mucked hand. It's your right. After all, you paid to be at that table and you want everything that you paid for ...

#5 23rd March 2009, 3:57 AM

These are pretty much what you'd expect at most casinos...unfortunately there is always someone who gets some drinks in them, and etiquette goes out the window...people think they should become commentators whenever someone else is playing a hand...gets annoying as hell

#6 23rd March 2009, 4:16 AM

Also be sure to call the floorman to the table for rules that you make up at your home game that you want enforced here.......At a minimium once per lap.

#7 23rd March 2009, 5:55 AM

Never fail to call the clock on all of your opponents if they take more than 5 seconds to make a decision, and always take the maximum time allowed when it's your turn to act.

#8 23rd March 2009, 6:42 AM

lol reminds me of this:

http://www.ninjapirate.com/holdem.html

Quote:

Texas holdem is boring. Especially if you take it seriously. But everyone finds themselves sitting down at the green oval holdem table from time to time due to peer-pressure or curiosity of poker.

There's plenty of Texas holdem books, Texas holdem websites, and Texas holdem instructors that can teach you Texas holdem strategy and techniques and bullshit on how to play well. But none of that really matters because even if you play poker better than everyone at the table, you'll still lose all your money to the rake. So if you're going to lose money playing Texas holdem, at least do it with some style.
So in case you find yourself stranded in a Casino with $500 in your pocket, here are some practical Texas holdem tips and strategies that I've come up with.

Talk constantly about girl problems, family problems, financial problems, anything personal.

Blow smoke into the middle of the Texas holdem table.

Tip the dealer a quarter on a huge pot and say, "Here ya go, buuuudy."

Ask if you can deal.

When you catch a lucky river, tell people it was all skill.

Say, "Alright, let's see some pocket aces" every time you're dealt.

Always claim to have the stone-cold nuts on every flop. If the flop is king-king-three, say, "Wow, good thing I didn't fold my pocket kings heheheh."

If you folded before the flop, say, "Dammit, I would have won that hand."

When you get dealt Aces, check to the river and whine about how your pocket aces always get snapped.

Accuse people of being suck-outs when you never had anything to begin with.

State the obvious after the fact. "Man, you should have folded."

Inform others in great detail of how they screwed up and what they can do to correct their playing flaws.

Request a deck change every three hands.

Change seats constantly and complain it's because of the smokers. Make all your complaints in betwee drags.

Ask people why they're wearing sunglasses inside.

Contemplate every decision for at least thirty seconds.

Completely misuse poker jargon. "Sweet! I have the inside outside nutter butter gutshut flush-house draw."

When it's your blind, throw the chips into the dealers fingers while he's shuffling.

Dress up like a Jew with the hair curlies and everything. Then buy in for ten thousand dollars and don't play a single hand.

Bitch constantly.

Bring a plastic animal and play from its point of view. Example: "Biglette the Frog folds"... "Biglette the Frog raises".. "Biglette the Frog is not pleased with the river card."

Make awful puns.

-"Damn, my river was dry."
-"I fold.. tower."
-"Four to call.. protocol..."
-"I'm raisin.. no, no, like sundried."
-"I'm pot commited. I just can't stop smoking the stuff."
-"Look, I have a chip on my shoulder."
-"I check.. oslavokia."
-"I put almonds in the freezer and got the stone cold nuts."

Set a picture of a famous poker player in front of you. Show him your cards and ask for advice. "What do you think, Mr. Moneymaker?"

Pick at your chode underneath the table and smear the underbutter on the chips and cards.

Quote KGB.

Tell neighbors stories about really lame hands you've had. "Last week I caught an ace on the turn and won hahahaha."
- When you lose, say, "Sure, you may have won the chips, but I won the satisfaction of knowing you're touching chips that I tainted with chode paste."

Count out large bets in stacks of two.

Always ask the dealer, "How much can I bet?"

Always put the wrong number of chips out.

Ask the dealer to slow down.

Ask other people what they had.

Whenever you lose, sigh and mutter, "Every blind squirrel finds a nut."

Buy 400 chips and set them in front of you in stacks of five.

Stack your chips like stairs and be like, "Look, it's stairs." And have your plastic animal climb up and down them and make faggity little sound effects.

#9 23rd March 2009, 6:49 AM

good thread man!

#10 23rd March 2009, 9:52 AM

lol i've never played in a casino...are people really that ignorant at the tables?

#11 23rd March 2009, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittykatt

lol i've never played in a casino...are people really that ignorant at the tables?

Some people do lash out at dealers and other players. However, the majority of people I see are respectful to the dealers and other players. You will see a few characters here and there, just like you see online.

#12 23rd March 2009, 4:26 PM

"Sweet! I have the inside outside nutter butter gutshut flush-house draw."

lmao....thats gonna be my new catch phrase.

I always piss people off with my old staggered strait line. 2 4 6 8 10....woo hooo.

#13 23rd March 2009, 8:04 PM

Well now we know where Phil Hellmuth and Mike Matasow get there tips on how to act LOL. soo funny

#14 23rd March 2009, 8:45 PM

1. When asked how many chips you have by an opponent, always miscount half way through and start again. Always do this in a childlike manner, and always finish by saying, "I never get asked to do this online."
2. Always look left, then right, before looking at your cards. If you happen to be sitting next to the dealer, exaggerate this action.
3. When you win a big pot always offer to buy the table a drink. When you lose a big pot, always demand that the winner buys the table a drink, or at the very least, that they buy you one.
4. If you are involved in a split pot, always make a point of tipping the dealer, and saying in a loud voice, "Here's my share dealer".
5. Always yell "One time", every time.

#15 23rd March 2009, 9:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crystal Blue

1. When asked how many chips you have by an opponent, always miscount half way through and start again. Always do this in a childlike manner, and always finish by saying, "I never get asked to do this online."
2. Always look left, then right, before looking at your cards. If you happen to be sitting next to the dealer, exaggerate this action.
3. When you win a big pot always offer to buy the table a drink. When you lose a big pot, always demand that the winner buys the table a drink, or at the very least, that they buy you one.
4. If you are involved in a split pot, always make a point of tipping the dealer, and saying in a loud voice, "Here's my share dealer".
5. Always yell "One time", every time.

I might have to do #4 to needle someone bothering me at the casino

#16 23rd March 2009, 9:55 PM

tbh the greatest thing to do is to call cards for other people when they are all in. ie: azn guy vs old guy are all in on flop, and the old guy has a flush draw. yell "CLUB ONE TIME" like 6 times loudly.

#17 24th March 2009, 10:50 PM

jajaja thats cool i might pull some of those these days lol

#18 25th March 2009, 1:18 AM

I approve of this thread

#19 25th March 2009, 3:12 AM

LOLOL... sad but it has all happened, one time or another..too funny though!

#20 25th March 2009, 1:28 PM

Headin to vegas in 5 hours its a 10 hour drive took notes on all ur advise and will do just that lmao.. j/k that was funny sounds like hellmuth huh.. thanks for the blog hopin to win a bit there 3 tourneys fri sat and sun all k.o shootouts.

#21 30th March 2009, 4:11 PM

I have played several times about poker in a casino in bucharest ... first time I came and I played I came across some people in the underworld of Bucharest are very vindictive if its the money ... so I played 2 .. 3 hands and I retired quiet because we wanted to have conflicts with those people!

#22 2nd April 2009, 6:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big_Narfy

Headin to vegas in 5 hours its a 10 hour drive took notes on all ur advise and will do just that lmao.. j/k that was funny sounds like hellmuth huh.. thanks for the blog hopin to win a bit there 3 tourneys fri sat and sun all k.o shootouts.

How did you trip turn out?

#23 16th July 2009, 7:32 PM

dont take plastic and dont take more money than your willing to lose! and dont be upset and never play again if you leave empty handed

#24 16th July 2009, 8:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevadanick

Was Phil Hellmuth the author of those tasty tidbits ... ??

He also forgot to mention that it is a sign of your established poker skills and demonstrates excellent hand-eye coordination when you can make your chips splash the pot every time you bet, call or raise. That's why they call it 'getting them in the middle' isn't it ??

Oh - and don't forget - ask to see every mucked hand. It's your right. After all, you paid to be at that table and you want everything that you paid for ...

LMAO! Hellmuth was my first thought as the author as well! We've got a regular that gets drunk and does the very things you've listed here, every night - ahhh, he's such a funny atm machine.

#25 16th July 2009, 9:02 PM

another thing u must do so as not to embarrass yourself is go "OOOOOOOOOOH" anytime someone shows down a hand better than one pair

#26 16th July 2009, 9:08 PM

lol wtf i cant read it

#27 17th July 2009, 12:39 PM

i was in stitches

#28 17th July 2009, 2:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zachvac

lol reminds me of this:

http://www.ninjapirate.com/holdem.html

i cann't stop laughing, that is some funny thx for posting it

-"I'm pot commited. I just can't stop smoking the stuff

#29 19th July 2009, 7:49 AM

This thread makes me happy

#30 19th July 2009, 8:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevadanick

Was Phil Hellmuth the author of those tasty tidbits ... ?

I was actually wondering the same thing when I read the first bit lol.

#31 19th July 2009, 11:22 AM

Absolute Hilarity nothing like turning awkward stupid behavior into humour. Well

done thoroughly enjoyed your effort keep up the good work.

#32 19th July 2009, 11:29 AM

LMAO i do that now, well online.....
Thought, at a real table, i would knock out the SOB who called me with crap JK

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