My Tilt

What makes a good poker player is not winning pots. Anyone can win a pot.
Its not losing. I'm a loser. Tonight is an example of why.

I worked hard this week. I won eight straight sessions and earned $700 for the week. I start thinking crazy thoughts. I can do this. I can make $50-100 a day playing low limits. I'm totally crazy just because I had a nice run.

I take 2 days off. I read the forum, I observe games, I post some advice and think a lot. I play tonight and I make very good decisions, but I lose on the river over and over again. I post one typical hand here and the feedback is positive. I played it right but was unlucky. All night long; the same story. I had the best hand until the river and the two outer hits and I lose.

Now I'm going to admit to what most players will never do. I went on tilt big time. I lost $1600 tonight.

My loss limit is $200. When I lose $200 I'm supposed to stop playing and wait for tomorrow BUT I kept playing and things just kept getting worse.
I went up to higher limits and got lucky at first, but in the end my small stack was no match.

Hey, I've been here before many times. I know the consequences, yet I have poker amnesia. I do this time and time again.

This is the story of a losing player. You may have a good grip on the game.
You may be able to make the cards transparent, but if you run into some bad beats and can't control yourself you'll end up like me. A broke losing player, but in the back of your mind you know you made the right play until you went on tilt, and that's what brings you back again and again, You had the best hand. It was a suck out. Just quit and wait another day, but no. You're a crazy man. You have to win it back, NOW.

please, when you get emotional walk away. Don't end up like me. Alone, suicidal in some cheap hotel in Thailand.

I just hope this helps someone that can identify. When you lose control think of me, and don't be like me. Be the better man. Walk away and wait another day.

dang don't know what to say except - hope you don't go on tilt again.

i've been on tilt before, but not that much $$$$.
well hope you learned your lesson and gl on the next one. peace

I surely hope this was a joke. The part I quoted. If its not Id suggest you never EVER play poker again. Thats really a bad feeling and if your in that mindset then poker is not the game for you.

Hope u get over it m8 and your days look brighter

jesus, that sounds bleak. you'll be back up mate, hope you don't "owe" anyone money.

Thank you for sharing with us. All to often when a person tilts they do exactly what you have described, play at higher limits trying to win back the money they've lost, they don't stop playing when they know they should. This is especially hard when you are getting good hands and losing to river rats.

I am presuming your alone and suicidal remark is a metaphor or a joke, I hope so. Emotions can run very high with this game, you've already got part of the solution though, you are recognizing when you are on tilt and that your emotions are running high. This is a valuable lesson to learn, one many (including myself) have learned the hard way.

Thank you for posting this, it will serve as a good reminder to others to control their tilt or at least to stop playing when they are on tilt or they could end up doing something very stupid.

$1,600 isn't worth anyone's life bro.

I never forget Poker is a game, not a way of life. Even the big time poker players who are consider professionals have to get away from it now and then because there are times when you never get a winning hand - no matter what you do - you lose. When the cards are dead you need to stop or play in freerolls only. Losing money is depressing when it keeps on keeping on -- I Either get away for awhile or play freerolls - my preferred method. When I get the feeling I'm getting good cards again - then I'll go back to betting money. I've had stetches that lasted for months where no matter what monster cards I had - they had no legs and went nowhere.

Good luck and don't do the hari-kari thing -- it is not an option to solve a poker problem we all suffer from.

ye i h8 it when you tilt and just cant get unstuck from it

that is horrible 2 hear of a tilt like that tho

2 be fair atm im playing on low limit games on tux poker its merge network and so far i made 500 so i withdraw 350 and ever since then i just cant get a break rivered and rivered and just some awful beats i hope my tilt will go away its been 3/4 days of horrible beats after another grrr lol but i guess thats just poker

Yes, I will think of yr story when tempted to act that way again (been there, done that).

I am much more even player now but the temptation to push Tilts is always present.

There is more to this story than just the poker tho. Hope u rejoin us when u come out of your funk. GL.

I just hit a baby controlled version of the effect that set off your tilt spiral. Raped the life out of fools for 4 days in row, and then caught the balance. The trick that's so damn hard to remember is that it's the balance, and it's natural and right even. You ran ultrahot, but for every ultrahot there is ultracold, or sustained chill for an even longer time. Math always seeks its balance.

Thanks for this post, because I was reluctant to play today because I got an awe inspiring series of fast and hard screwings last session, and was worried about tilting or doing something stupid. But I feel like you gave me some perspective, mission accomlished.

So take the good will of having spared someone a dose of your fate, and maybe a donkey show, to cheer you up and get you off the ledge.

"and that's what brings you back again and again, You had the best hand. It was a suck out."

so true there. the fact you believe you played that hand perfectly but the other guy just got lucky makes you come back again and again.
and remember poker has big upswings and bit upsets, unfortunately we cant win them all and we hit those streaks. But you gotta remember, we've all had those streaks and you almost always bounce back from them

Ya, but remember u can't come back without BRM; if you push yr bankroll limits u will go bust eventually. Period.

Lesson is, don't let swings make u push your limits.

Please don't throw your life away because of a losing streak in poker! A human life is worth far more than that...talk to someone...if you don't have anyone...talk to us here at CC...it is not worth it & I know you can't come back from death, but you can make more money!
If you can't control yourself with BRM then choose another field...anything but suicide. Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It will get better! GL...let us know, OK?

Its not just one bad night of poker that has me thinking of killing myself.
Its nearly 10 years of bad poker.
Its that I worked my ass off the last 2 years working 6 days a week and have lost everything down to about $5,000. What a waste. I can save about $800 a month here which is better than poker and yet I'm almost broke.
I'm white, pushing 40 and these hot young asian girls have no interest in old men so I'm alone here. I'm a statistic.
The only logical option I can see is to QUIT poker. Obviously I have a gambling problem. Working hard and saving money is the only thing I can do now to save my life....
So I need to unistall and leave this forum.

Take care,

wow

Dude u dont sound so well.. Ive never read something like this

I've read so many things like this that im not even surprised. But it seems obvious that if poker has you thinking of suicide then you should stop playing poker. Easier said than done for an addict though.

I suggest you learn more about the game. Learn as much as possible and practise BR management. Then at least you could limit your losses somewhat or maybe become a winner.

Dude, I'm not losing as much as you but i'm still losing a considerable amount for my age. i would say dun gif up on poker. try to play lower limits and work your way up again... hope you can comeback..

Guys, I made it through today, but I'm still a wreck.

If this is all true, not meaning to doubt you but alot is said over the internet, then you need to self impose ban yourself from which ever sites you play on. Some people can play online people some cant, it takes what seems to be alot of talent and a type of person. I myself dont have the patients or nerve to play such tight starting hands. I get bored easy and tilt easy. If youve been at this 10 years maybe its time to move on? You need to see what positive this brings to your life, and if its not alot and you dont have much left, find something. Poker is a mere interest for some, read instead ...develop your mind. I hope you find the help/solution you need because i feel for you. Remember if your alive and healthy thats all you can ask for from life/god the rest is up to us with what we do with our lives. All the best.

Please take your own advice that I bolded above. I feel for your situation. In reading the small number of posts you have made on this site, you seem like a knowledgeable & smart individual. Don't do anything stupid, you can get over this and still bring good to yourself and the world (and I don't just mean in poker).

I have hit walls before, and they hurt bad! In the long run when I was hitting terrible runs, I lost more than that (not at one time) and was in a bad spot. I let it pretty much ruin my days, i couldnt stop thinking about it, and ust hated the fact that i could let that happen. But eventually you get over it. It sucks, but things could always be worse than they are, and things eventually will get better. I have a bad vice though, and i hate it. Ive blow probably over $1000 on those goddamn blackjack tables at Ultimatebet and three card at Absolute. Thats not even me playing those games bad, thats just a downright stupid idea on my part. Sucks, but i eventually got over it.

me neither
seems a bit odd

You don't sound well at all. Plus, you admitted yourself in an above post that you have a "gambling problem". You should treat this the same as a drug addiction because it's basically the same thing. Gambling is your fix.

It sounds like a big cry for help. I would seriously consider getting help by walking into a gamblers anonymous meeting. You don't have to speak at all until you feel comfortable, but I would just go and at least listen to what others in the group have to say. You can find a meeting close to your home if you Google it.

Please do something before it gets way out of hand. Good luck to you, and remember nothing is worth taking your life for.

Guys, thanks for the positive feedback. What I'm getting is that there is still hope.
I posted this not as a cry for help or for attention, but just to be honest and open about my weakest part of my game. I don't know what to tell you guys that think this post is fake. Maybe youre so head strong you can't understand where I'm coming from I guess.

Anyway, I got lots of rest today, and feel better.
I even played for 30 minutes and won the only showdown for a nice pot.
I decide to quit and reflect on it after that.....sort of meditation.

I hope by being honest and posting my tilt the truth will set me free and taking everyone's advice maybe I can put that bad behavior behind me.
Admitting my mistake is the first step in correcting it.

Once again, thanks for understanding and caring.

Glad to hear from you.. well, time to time we people makes mistakes and thats consider tilt. i would say poker players need ample rest.. if we r able to focus well in the game, we will sure make profit...

Well dude it cant be that bad if you have $1600 spare on the old poker account. What about us poor freerollers lol ! I wouldnt be able to spend $1600 on poker ! I dont know if you no but its a recession here in England and its realy hard to find work. Iv been out of a job for a couple of months and am running out of savings. Guess all im trying to say is try look on the positive side .

Damn dude sorry to hear that, How's the old poker game over in England?

Well, thanks for sharing and i will take your advice and try to not let it get to me on my loosing streaks.

I like play at Carbon poker...there I won some tournaments , and my bankroll from 30$ was up to 752$. I was fascinated and I started play at tables. I was loosing 10$...then 25$...then 50$. To revover my money...i just put my dollars 500$ to 2/4 at HU and i was Dubled my money...but didn't stop. My bankroll now is 0.00$
Now I am thinking , why I was plaing at 2/4?? Next time i will resume at tournaments because i like them. And when is good bankroll I will play in cash.

This has been a moving blog. I fear for you.

Poker is a pretty bi-polar game -- big ups, big downs, craziness. I've done what you have (to a lesser extent), although I have not thrown my life into poker playing. The bad days, when I've tilted off too much money, I feel really awful. A crazy depression -- brought on by a game, for god's sake. It's just scary how bad it is. And how stupid it is. And how avoidable. Sounds like what you are feeling.

I try, now, as hard as possible, to keep my emotions balanced. And my emotions balance better if I have not tilted off a lot of money. So, aside from BRM, I make a distinct effort to stop playing when tilting. And, oddly, keeping to BRM limits helps me keep my emotions in control. It sucks when one hits a series of awful beats, but it sucks worse to blow off the old bankroll.

If it makes you feel that awful, and you are feeling yourself spinning out of control, well, you just have to get back in control. However you can. Poker is not that important in the scheme of things. Sounds like you need a more balanced life, anyway. So maybe you could take a break from poker and stabilize yourself. Find a job, somewhere. A nice girlfriend. A solid base to your life. A core of friends. Other stuff. Think about what you need. You are no longer a kid (sorry! But it happens to us all.) and you maybe need more in your life that the up and down excitement of the poker life. Think hard about what you need in your life, not just what jollies you want.

Good luck to you, man.

you are in thailand grinding full-time? or just vacation? there is a good bunch of 2p2ers holding up in bangkok and many of them are pros, rolling with 6 figure up BR. if your in the area, try searching 2p2 and maybe arrange a meetup. it shld help you alot in your game, + beats being alone.

all the best bro

I've had a terrible few days also. Think I've lost a total of $800 over the last 3 days. (Mostly in SnGs and MTTs ). I was doing pretty well in the cash games and then I entered one of the FTOPS events and it all went down hill from there. I now have only $2 left in my Full Tilt account I ripped out some of my hair after my last loss

^^^This
I hope things get better for you.

wow, that makes you think twice about going on tilt. I have been in the same position and gone on tilt many times and lost my br many times over. I Hope i can learn from this lesson.

How can someone allow themselves to lose $1600 in one night? Of course I am just a poor woman playing low stakes and I would and could never keep that kind of $$ in a poker site. It shocks me as to how much $$ is in a poker site. I guess that is why all of the pros are on the major sites, more money for them to get their hands on.