To beat the donkey, sometimes it helps to think like the donkey!

Playing last night in another forum's $100 freeroll at Bodog, I saw a couple of amazing hands played by one member (I refuse to say "player, in this jackass's case, since he had no player's ability in any sense) there.

More importantly, I had an encounter with Online Tough Guy (OTG), and these are always hi-hilarity. Online Tough Guy comes in two forms: The Poker Coach, or the Asshole. The Poker Coach is easy to spot, for he's the one complaining constantly about how the winner of a particular hand totally misplayed the hand that the loser (usually the Poker Coach) says was played perfectly. The Asshole, on the other hand, is just a dick who likes to test his manhood out by swearing at the other players and telling them how stupid they are and other such things that normal 12-year-olds do. The common thing you find with both the Poker Coach and the Asshole is that they, themselves, are horrible players...and most likely are big losers, as well. They are annoying as fukk to play with, but they are great for the bankroll - so exploit them at your will!

Anyways, the hand that set this particular OTG off was pretty funny, on many levels. A couple of hands prior, OTG called an all-in after the river with an unpaired K-4 on an board with AA showing (other guy had trip aces), then proceeded to berate the winner of the hand for making a horrible river play (errrrrr, dude got what he wanted, which was a double-up...not sure what's a better play), so I couldn't give him credit for any kind of hand in any pot after that.

20/40 level, OTG raises to 120 while UTG, one caller after him, and I'm in SB with a pair of dueces, so I called. No need with my stack size and blind levels to get stupid here with a marginal hand, and this is an easy hand to ditch if I don't like the flop.

Flop is KK5 - me being out of position and not knowing where I stand on this hand, I decided to check this flop, and OTG bet the minimum…2 calls, and right now I am thinking that my ducks were probably good. I'm also thinking strongly that OTG has an Ace-rag here or something like that.

Turn is a deuce , making me pretty happy here….prior to this hand starting I had 2500 chips, OTG had 3500 chips, and I knew that I could get him to stack me if I didn't screw this up. I checked the turn, OTG makes an over-the-pot sized bet of 600, other player folds…I think for a minute about jamming over the top here, but just call while slow-playing the boat.

So far, a real strange sequence of bets right there by OTG - let's review, shall we? SPFR, then a minimum puss-bet after the flop...how's that chasing anyone away? And if you have a monster, you're certainly not getting anywhere close to full value out of this hand. Really, what is the purpose of these puss-bets here? "OK, I raised before the flop and I missed it completely, but hopefully this small bet will chase everyone away. I know I'm giving everyone 11-to-1 or more pot odds to call and see another card and possibly hit something on the cheap, but I've got an ace - that's almost the nuts in this game!"

Then a big bet on the turn when there's no draw apparant there (and would anyone really raise UTG with 3-4 in this stage of the tourney? Nah!) - the kind of bet that screams "I missed everything, so just go away and let me buy the pot!" I'm really not sure how he thinks his A-rag is the best hand here at any time - and especially after the turn. I know donkeys don't grasp this concept, but many times a call is more indicative of the strength of a player's hand than a raise is.

River is an 8, and I know that was no help to him. I think about jamming here, but I check again (OTG has also shown the inability to NOT fire at pots at any stage of this tournament, so I didn't worry about blowing it here), OTG bets 600 again, now I come over the top of him…he types in "trips?", so I almost think that he's smart enough to know that he's beat, but then OTG immediately calls after typing that with this beauty:

A-9! Once in a while I actually get these things right - A-9 is close to A-rag in my books

"How could you call my raise with 22? Unbelievable the donkeys they let play here!" - and that the most mild thing he said here. Never mind that there were a ton of hands that beat his powerful </sarcasm> A-9 every step of the way...luckily for us, OTG got pwned a few hands later, and he slinked back to his hole for the rest of the night - fukkin' freeroll monkey!

Moral of the story: It pays on occasion to understand how the mind of a donkey thinks? Hell if I know, I just thought it was a pretty funny hand, but apparantly this is a typical Bo-Donk I ran into.

I like the poker coaches because they give away how much they don't know. I was playing MTS&G the other day, 30/60 blinds, I am on the button, and have As-10s and the flop comes 3s 8d 10d. Pot is 360, from call raise fold b4 the flop. He checks, I check. Turn is a 5s. He bets 90, I call, and the Js comes on the river. He is holding A-J off so he bets pot sized. I call with the nut flush, and the guy is berating me for calling 1.5 bet with a top pair and flush draw on the turn after he bet like a girl. If you don't want called, don't give me 4.5-1 pot odds with a 40% chance of getting a nut draw. He couldn't have had an overpair or he would have been betting bigger. Did I play this correct, or should I have raised to a value bet on the turn?

I can't complain about the way you played the hand until the river - RAISE with the nuts, my man!

What was poker coach complaining about - your hand was ahead every step of the way after the flop, right? This is the kind of guy I take notes on and hope to find again in the future.

lmao. become one with the donkey